


His Reason (Complete Explicit Version)

by NightwingsAngel



Series: Turbulance [1]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Nightwing (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Young Justice (Cartoon), Young Justice (Comics)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Batman is a good Dad, Drama, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Family Drama, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One-Sided Relationship, Pining, Pre-Slash, Romance, Slash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-04
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-10-14 17:26:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 64,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10541130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightwingsAngel/pseuds/NightwingsAngel
Summary: Everyone has reasons......Reasons why they wake up at certain times. Reasons why they dress a certain way. Reasons why they pack up and leave places. Reasons for why they do the things they do. For Dick and Jason, their reasons just might tear them apart.After finding Dick sulking and ready to leave Gotham for good, Jason confesses his long time feelings for the older bird and when they aren't rejected he's ecstatic. He's happy that he was finally able to tell Dick the truth about how he felt for him and he's even more happy that it looks like they might have a future together. Yet, one night and one reason is all it takes to ruin all that for him as Dick makes a choice that gives Jason his own reason to leave.Can Dick ever get him back or is there nothing that can bring Jason home?





	1. Author's Note: Semi-Important, but not really.

Hey eveyone! 

So, some of you might have noticed that this is a sort of repost of a series I did called His Reason. It's more or an edit/expansion. This is the complete, explicit version. Meaning I am going through an editing every story from the His Reason series and posting them here as chapters of a bigger work. 

Since I've made this work explicit, instead of mostly teen rated like the original series, I'm also going to expand on the story a bit. I might throw in some steamy scenes that weren't in the story before, hence the reason I'm going to keep the ordinal series online and not delete it. Another reason that I decided to combine this series into one work is because of my current work Their Life. 

Their life is a multi-chapter story that comes after their Reason and by putting all of the first story into one story I'm able to link the two together in a series all their own :)

Now that that's said, and I really hope it wasn't too choppy, I hope you all enjoy this little re-edit :)


	2. His Reason To Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick Grayson has found himself in a slump lately. Between spending his day working at GCPD and his night's rounding up villains, he's tired. On top of that, he's starting to question if he even belongs in Gotham anymore. Can Jason convince him that he does, in fact, have a reason to remain in Gotham?

A lot of people talk about running away with the Circus, but very few ever do. Dick would know. He’d been raised in the circus for eight years before coming to Gotham. Even still, with a manor consistently open for him and his favorite bakery down the street from his modest apartment, sometimes even he thought about running away with the circus. Except, for him, it wouldn’t be running away, per se. It’d be more like returning home. He was more than sure that old Haley would welcome him back with open arms, should he ever choose to leave behind the life he’d built in Gotham.

Sometimes he missed circus life. Especially after weeks like the one he’d just had. He’d been out on patrol every night of the past week. The past week and a half, if he was being honest. There’d been a big breakout at Arkham and Bruce had needed his help. Even Red Hood and Red Robin had been roped into assisting the bat and bird with their round up. He hadn’t had more than a few hours to himself since the start of it and those hours he did have were spent sleeping.

At night he was rounding up criminals then during the day he was turning around and helping readmit them to the asylum. Oh the joys of being both vigilante and cop. He never caught a break. It was enough, sometimes, to make him want to pack up and leave. To make him miss the city hopping lifestyle the circus provided. However, even with old Haley, the circus wouldn’t be the same. Not without his parents.

Dick sighed as he slipped through the window of his apartment. He barely spared the time required to check his security before flopping down on his couch, still in his Nightwing attire. The television remote was stuffed somewhere in the couch cushions, he knew, but he was sure that even the television wouldn’t be enough to mute his talkative mind. After all, all that was on this late was the Gotham news and he didn’t really care to see images of himself swinging through town with subtitles running beneath about his family’s recent deeds.

Yeah, he decided, sometimes he really missed the circus. There he could fly for the sheer joy of it. He’d amaze the crowd with his acrobatic abilities and bring wonder to the eyes of children. He missed that. Miss being looked at like he was something magical. In Gotham he performed only for the criminals and they didn’t find him to be magical at all. In fact, they tried very hard to clip his wings.

Gloved hands found their way into dark locks as Dick threw his head back against the arm of the couch and groaned. He propped his feet up on the other arm as he tried to come up with a way to quiet his thoughts. He couldn’t run away with the circus, no matter how much he wanted to. He knew, though at the moment he wasn’t really sure how much he believed it, that there was a very good reason he had remained in Gotham this long.

“I just need a friend,” Dick spoke aloud. “Talking to someone will help.”

          A cellphone was fished from a compartment in his suit and soon white lens covered eyes were scrolling over a list of contacts.

The Flash was one of the recently contacted names in the phone, though that was mostly because this was Nigthwing’s cellphone. Not Dick’s. Nightwing had to keep up with all of the heroes and had called Flash just the day before to make sure everything was going alright on his end of a mission. It hadn’t been anything but a business call and even though Wally’s name was in Dick’s personal phone he couldn’t remember the last time he’d called the speedster up for a casual chat. This was mostly because he and Wally had grown apart over the last few years. They’d both set up their own lives and found themselves in separate cities. Then they’d tried to reconnect but they’d gotten into an argument. An argument that was left unresolved.

Dick missed the good old days when he and Wally’s arguments were settled by the end of the day. Their teenage selves had been so close. In fact, he missed the whole team. Kaldur, M’gann, Artemis, Connor, Wally, even Wolf and sphere. Had he’d known the distance that growing up would put between them he would have been a little less ready to spread his own wings.

He couldn't call any of them now. He wouldn’t even know what to say to them if he did. How did one start a conversation with an old friend who’d become a complete stranger? Hey, remember me, we used to be on this cool teen superhero team together?

Dick snorted to himself. Yeah, like that’d be a great way to start up a conversation. He’s sure his old team mates would be completely whelmed over that.

Dick continued scrolling through his phone knowing that he wouldn’t be calling Aqualad, Miss Martian, Artemis, Superboy, or Flash. He paused at Red Robin and Robin but knew that they too would just be coming home from patrol. Robin was probably already being ordered to bed by Bruce and Red Robin, well Tim wouldn’t have to be told. The third robin would be making his own way up to his room at the manor before passing out on his bed.

He could call Rose, he mused. He hadn’t spoken to Rose Wilson in months, when they’d had a causal relationship. They’d parted on good terms and he was sure she’d still be willing to talk to him. Perhaps she’d even be willing to do more. He wondered if she was near enough to Gotham that one of them could make a trip to spend the night with the other. Probably not. She was on the run from Slade at the moment and he doubted that she’d come to him. Plus, he didn’t really feel like moving from his couch. So anyone he had to go meet was out of the question.

Just as he was about to give up and toss Nightwing’s phone onto the coffee table, the knob of his front door jiggled. He raised a brow as he watched it move for a second before the door was pushed open, revealing the Red Hood kneeling on the floor outside it with a lock pick in his hand.

“Hello, Dickie!”

Dick was certain that Jason was smirking underneath his helmet as he glared at the second Robin and said, “You could have knocked.”

“Could have,” Jason agreed, slipping his lock pick into his jacket, “but this way’s more fun. Be thankful I didn’t come in through the window like the Bat would have.”

Jason didn’t wait to be invited in. He merely strolled in, like it wasn’t Dick’s apartment but his own, and kicked the door shut behind him. “I want a beer. You got any beer?”

“You know where they are,” Dick grumbled and chose to pretend like he was texting someone. He didn’t need the Red Hood to know that he’d been mentally counting all of the friends he’d lost over the past few years and had almost called them out of desperation to talk to someone.

Jason had been opening the fridge before Dick had even stopped speaking and he’d let out a pleased grunt when he’d found an untouched six pack sitting on the top shelf.

“Just what the doctor ordered,” Jason popped the lids off two of the beers before walking back into the living room and handing one to Dick.

Dick eyed the other man suspiciously as he took the beer. Jason had been coming to his apartment a lot lately. Like a lot, a lot. More than was normal, for anyone. It’s not that Dick didn’t enjoy having him there, he actually liked Jason. Jason was an okay guy, no matter what Bruce said. Still, it was weird that the Red Hood was spending so much time with him.

“Stop looking at me like that,” Jason had sat his beer down on the coffee table and was unlatching his helmet. “I didn’t poison it. Drink up. Hell, it looks like you need it.” then the helmet was dropped and the red domino mask beneath was being pried away. “You look like shit, man.”

Dick wanted to snap back with some witty comment, but his mind was too tired to function and a beer really did sound good.

“Why do you still have that fucking mask on?” Jason chided as he pushed Dick’s legs from the couch so he could take a seat. “You know you’re off patrol, right?”

“I’m too tired to move,” Dick admitted. “I might even sleep in this.”

Jason shrugged and took a swig from his beer. “Whatever, man. Probably not the wisest idea.”

“My life. My choice,” Dick stated.

“I say that to you at least once a week and you still lecture me about morals,” Jason muttered around his bottle.

Blue eyes narrowed behind a domino mask as Dick snapped, “Why are you even here?”

“You seriously have to ask that?”

“You’ve been crashing here for the past few months. Why?”

Jason shrugged. “I can go, if you want.”

“I didn’t say I wanted you to leave,” Dick relented and reached up to gently remove his mask.

“Could have fool me. What’s with you tonight? You’re acting like you’ve got your panties in a twist.”

“Sorry. I’m just…tired.”

“You’re a lame ass liar,” Jason called out. “There’s something else going on here.”

“Nothing you’d care to hear about,” Dick’s voice was soft, barely audible, as he slowly sipped at his beer. He half hoped that Jason wouldn’t have heard him, but of course he did.

“The fuck? I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t going to listen,” Jason growled. “You want to know why I came here tonight? Why I keep coming here? It’s because you look like shit. You look like you’re about to fall apart and you’ve been off your game. You’ve had five close encounters in the last two week, dickhead. Five! There’s something seriously fucking wrong with you and I’m here because someone needs to figure out what it is before you tumbled from a building and don’t get back up.”

Dick stared at Jason. His brow furrowed as he tried to comprehend what Jason was telling him. The younger had never shown to be protective of Dick. They’d fought each other both on and off the streets of Gotham multiple times. Dick was pretty sure he’d had Jason’s gun at his head more times then they’d had an actual conversation. And here Jason was, telling him that he’d been crashing at his apartment because he was worried. That didn’t sound like the Jason he knew.

“You’ve been off ever since B came back,” Jason continued talking, despite how his older brother was staring at him like he’d grown a second set of eyes. “I know it was rough on you when we thought he died and you had to take over the cowl, but he’s back now. You should be the most damned happy person alive because you no longer have to wear that mask. But no, you spend every day working in a police force filled with rotten cops and every night cleaning up the city as Nightwing, only to come back to this place and sulk around until you fall asleep. You can’t honestly miss the cowl that bad.”

“It’s not that,” Dick managed to whisper and Jason caught how the older’s eyes slid away from him. “I don’t care about the cowl and it’s not like I really lost it. Sometimes Bruce still calls me to be Batman when he has to go out of town.”

“Then what is it?” It was Jason’s turn to be shocked.

When Dick didn’t immediately answer, Jason focused on softening his voice. With a sigh and sip of his beer, he said, “Dick, everyone can tell that something’s wrong with you. Tim’s been watching the bio-feedback from your suit like a hawk and, I’m not going to lie, some of the feedback has been disturbing. Even Damian’s worried. Tim said that Bruce has physically had to prevent the kid from stalking you. Alfred called me to see if I knew anything about how you were doing. He said he stopped by the station to leave you some frozen soup but you hadn’t wished to see him. Things have to be hell if you’re turning away Alfred’s cooking.”

Dick remained silent and Jason allowed his words to hang in the air between them. Neither man said anything for the next few minutes. Not until Jason stood to stretch.

“I’m going to steal your shower,” Jason declared. “If you decide that talking to someone about whatever shit’s got you down would do you some good, catch me before I crash.”

“Wait,” Dick called out meekly just as Jason went to turn towards the hall. “You’re right. Something’s wrong. I just don’t know how to explain it.”

Jason sat back down and threw his feet up on the coffee table. “Try.”

“Ever since Bruce came back I’ve had this sinking feeling that I don’t belong here anymore. I’m not really talking about belonging in Gotham. More like belonging in general. I’m not needed as Batman. The city could do without Nigthwing. Bruce has said nothing about all the work I put into keeping everything together while he was gone, except to tell me how I could have done things differently. I’m tired. I’m starting to hate my job. Both of them. And I’ve realized that I really have no friends left,” Dick took a shaky breath. “I’m overwhelmed, Jason, and I don’t think I even know how to just be whelmed anymore. I’m depressed. I guess. That’s probably what Tim’s bio-feedback says. But it’s not like I want to off myself or anything. It’s just…sometimes I think about running away with the circus. About leaving Gotham and everyone in it behind, because I don’t even know why I’m here anymore.”

Jason was quiet as he stared at Dick. He’d expected the older bird to say he was stressed, maybe even that he needed to get laid, but he hadn’t expected a lengthy confession about him basically feeling useless and unloved. It took the Red Hood a minute to formulate a response.

“Dick,” When Jason spoke his voice was firm and requested that Dick didn’t offer up any argument to what he was saying, “you’re here because without you us birds would fall. I’d still be killing every punk I come across if it wasn’t for you. Damian would still be a little shithead, well more of a shithead than he is now. Tim would be, fuck Dick….Tim could be dead. You know how nuts he went when we thought B died. Alfred sees you as his own kid and Bruce…you told me once that Bruce cares more for me than I realize and now I’m telling you the same. You know the old man isn’t good with thank you’s, or I love you’s, or even I’m proud of you’s. He doesn’t do emotion. Not at the sappy sentimental level that you crave. But he does care. You’re still his son and I’m pretty damned sure that he knows that without you the family would have crumbled in his absence. While he was gone you did things he could have never done. Look at us! You got us boys working together again. And the Justice League! It was you who helped unite them in stronger bonds. And you ask why you’re here? Damn it, Dickie, you’re here because without you the world would crumble. You’re more important than you think.”

Dick blinked. “What?”

“Don’t you get it? We all love you. Bruce, Alfred, Tim, Damian, even the girls. And me. Especially me,” a slight blush seeped across Jason’s features. “So don’t go running away with the circus, okay? Because we need you here. _I_ need you here.”

“You love me?” Dick questioned. His blue eyes blinked incredulously and he could tell that Jason had meant a deeper love then the brotherly kind he held for Tim and Damian. “Like, _love,_ love me?”

“That’s what you got out of all that? Please tell me you didn’t just hear that one sentence,” Jason scoffed.

“I thought you hated me,” Dick stated. “You’re always so abrasive.”

“Yeah, well, that’s because I don’t do that whole sappy sentimental shit either.”

“It’s nice when you do, though,” Dick smirked.

“Don’t get used to it. This is a onetime thing. Unless you continue to be a depressed hermit, in which case I’ll involve the whole family and we can have one big sappy sentimental moment together.”

Dick let out a breathy laugh. “That’d make Bruce and Damian very uncomfortable. We should avoid that.”

“Yeah,” Jason agreed. “We should.”

Then there was silence. A calm silence as Dick and Jason sat on the couch, sipping their beers. Maybe the Circus did sound nice on occasion, but with all its glamour the circus didn’t have a show anywhere near as wonderful as the one that was the Bat family. The one that was Jason Todd.


	3. His Reason to Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two months after Jason finds Dick ready to leave Gotham, Jason has been keeping an eye on Dick to make sure he doesn't keep sulking. The two of them end up spending lots of time together and Jason starts to think he might actually have a chance at dating Dick Grayson. He goes to Dick's apartment one night to surprise him with a sappy romantic gesture but finds Dick with a girl. His heart shattered, Jason succumbs to the effects of the Lazarus Pit that still linger in him and goes on a killing spree that Dick gets called in to stop. Can Dick reason with him before it's too late?

It’d been a bad night…

  
…A bad day…

…A bad week...

…A bad month...

…Truth be told, it’d been a bad life.

He’d thought things were starting to look up. Especially after two months ago, when he’d confessed to Dick that he held a spark for him. Saying those three little words had been hard. He’d been cursing himself the entire time he said them. It wasn’t a good idea for him to say them. Saying them left him vulnerable, especially since Dick hadn’t said them back.

He’d joked with the blue bird for a while after those words were said. He even went as far as having a couple beers with the man. He hadn’t stayed the night. Though he’d be a liar if he said he hadn’t thought about it. His priority, at the time, had been Dick; making sure Dick was okay and that he wouldn’t bolt as soon as Jason left.

Jason had felt like he’d diffused the situation enough that it was safe for him to leave Dick alone that night, but he still kept watch. He’d never admit it, but he’d stood guard over Dick’s apartment the entire night and only left when he saw the golden boy leave the apartment dressed in his police uniform.

He made a point of _accidentally_ running into Nightwing while on patrol the next night, and of _accidentally_ forgetting that he’d made plans to meet up with Roy and Kori for a beer at his place. The duo hadn’t been pleased when he didn’t return to his apartment until the next morning. They hadn’t been shocked either when Jason told them that the reason he hadn’t been there was because he was checking in on Nightwing.

“He took a bullet to the shoulder,” Jason had stated. “I just wanted to make sure a damn chunk of metal didn’t kill him before I could.”

Dick really had taken a bullet and it really had pierced his shoulder in a bad way. Not that there was really any good way for a bullet to piece a person. Jason just made sure to leave out the part about finding Batman and Robin already at Dick’s when he got there…and the part about him stalking the older bird from the roof top of the next building over. They also didn’t need to know that Jason had bugged the place and had heard Damian and Bruce deliver a tag-team lecture to Dick about his ‘reckless’ behavior that night. And they most certainly didn’t need to know that while he’d been keeping an eye on Dick, and watching the other man hide his hurt at his mentor’s lecture behind a mask of indifference, that Jason had been having less than brotherly thoughts about him and how he really, really, really wanted to say those three words again.

Bruce and Damian hadn’t seen the hurt that fell over Dick’s features when they left. They hadn’t seen him curl up in a ball on his couch and fall asleep without even turning his living room light off. They didn’t know about the tears or the way Dick woke up at precisely five in the morning screaming in Romani. They also didn’t know that he hadn’t fallen asleep after that and had instead guzzled coffee until it was time for him to put on his GCPD uniform and leave for his day job. No. They didn’t know anything. And Kori and Roy didn’t need to know anything either.

Jason’s friends could busy themselves while he found a way to fix the broken bird.

He would fix him. He promised himself he would. Which was why a week after saying those words he’d shown up unannounced for some bonding time at Dick’s.

For the last two months he’d been regularly visiting the older Robin. Not every day, of course. He didn’t want to come off as being too clingy. Every third or fourth night, though, he’d race to Dick’s after patrol and throw himself on the older man’s couch. Sometimes he was even nice enough to provide the beer instead of expecting Dick to have some. Though, by this point Dick kept his fridge regularly stocked with the stuff.

He’d thought everything had been going fine. The late night talks they had helped them start to form a bond that Jason had never thought he’d get to have with the other man. They’d even messed around a little bit. Nothing too drastic, all over the clothes stuff and always after they’d had a few beers, but still…things were looking good.

Jason had even made a point of being less lethal in his tactics since Dick was always in more of a mood to chat with him if he hadn’t just seen the Red Hood blow the head off some low life thug. He’d consciously, put an effort into changing his lifestyle for Dick in an attempt to lessen the other man’s stress.

Dick needed someone he could feel safe with right now and Jason was okay with being that person. More than okay. Especially when he got to sit next to the star of all his teenage wet dreams and talk to him for hours on end. God, he was becoming so pathetic.

So pathetic…and he was strangely okay with that. He could do all that sappy sentimental shit if it made Dick happy.

He’d thought he was making ground with Dick. He’d thought that maybe he had a chance with the other man. Maybe. A little bit. A tiny, speck of a bit. He couldn’t really be imagining the way Dick’s blue eyes lit up when he saw Jason, could he? He knew he had a good imagination but he didn’t think it was so good that it could create the way light danced off the varying hues of blue in Dick’s eyes. Surly he hadn’t imagined that.

That’s why he’d made a plan to confess his feelings to Dick once more. He’d bought flowers (Cliché) and climbed the metal stairs outside of Dick’s window (Even more cliché) in the rain (now he was just becoming a sappy chick flick). He’d knocked on the glass but the greeting he’d gotten was less than satisfactory.

“Now’s not a good time, Jay,” Dick had said. He’d positioned his body so he was blocking most of the window, making it impossible for Jason to enter without using force.

“What do you mean, Dickie boy? I brought beer and a crappy horror movie.”

“Yeah, uh, sounds great, but not tonight. Some other time.”

Jason had hesitated. He hadn’t really brought beer, or a B-rated horror movie, but he was clutching the bouquet of rose he’d brought behind his back. He’d planned to surprise Dick with the roses once he was inside the apartment. Instead he was still standing on the metal staircase with rain pelting down on him and the flowers still hidden behind his back while Dick acted weird.

Dick had never denied Jason entrance into his apartment before. Never. Not even when Jason had been trying to kill him every other week. Big bird had always welcomed him with open arms and a ready first aid kit. So why was he trying to push Jason away now?

“Look, Jay, I’m sorry. Really, we can do the movie and booze tomorrow night. I just….”

“Richard?” a sickeningly sweet voice purred from behind the Bat’s first protégé.

“Who is that?” Jason practically growled.

“No one, just a friend,” Dick had been more than defensive and Jason wasn’t going to swallow his lies. He forcefully pushed his way inside and dropped the bouquet of roses when a women with golden curls and long legs entered the living room from the hall, dressed only in one of Dick’s dress shirts. She had half the buttons on the shirt undone and Jason caught a good glance at part of her cleavage before he realized that he should probably not be staring like an idiot at Slade-fucking-Wilson’s daughter.

He’d known that Rose and Dick were friends. Hell, Dick had even hand a hand in training the woman. He’d even known that the two of them had a fling for a while. What he hadn’t known was that said fling had apparently never ended.

Jason felt his fists clench and his skin began to tingle. He was sure that the Lazarus green in his teal eyes was starting to become more dominant. His fingers itched for a trigger. His mouth went dry and his shoulders slack. At first he was shocked, then he was turning to look at Dick and angrily spitting, “What the hell is _she_ doing here?”

Dick rubbed at the back of his neck and his eyes shifted to the floor. “I think that’s kind of obvious, Jay.”

Jason didn’t wait around for any further explanation. He felt all emotion drain from himself as he glanced back at Rose and then down at the bouquet he’d bought for Dick. Guess he really had imagined that light in Dick’s eyes.

He didn’t bother to step over the roses when he left. He walked over them. Trampling them beneath his boots. He didn’t even bother to wave good bye or say anything else as he escorted himself out through the same window he’d come in from. This is why he didn’t do that sappy sentimental shit. Because saying things like, “I love you,” got you nowhere but left alone and vulnerable. He’d been a fool to hope.

This is why he never allowed himself to hope. Hope was a false lie. People who allowed themselves to hope were setting themselves up for failure. Something would always go wrong to destroy everything he hoped for.

He wasn’t just having a bad night, or a bad day, or a bad week, or a bad month. He really was having a bad life. As if fate hadn’t thought it cruel enough to kill him and then bring him back from the dead, it had to go and screw up his second life too. It wasn’t fair.

 _‘Life’s a bitch,’_  Jason thought to himself as he climbed down the metal staircase and headed towards where he’d hidden his bike in the next ally over,  _‘and so should you be.’_

If Dick Grayson wanted to waste his time fucking Rose Wilson, then let him. Jason had better things to do than cater to the golden boy’s wishes. He’s had better things to do for two months. Did the older bird realize how many rapists and drug dealers he’d missed out on killing in the past two months? Did he realize how many cases he’d sent to Tim because he ‘had an important meeting’ or ‘wasn’t feeling well enough for patrol’? Of course he didn’t.

Well, if Dick Grayson could just leave him in the rain for some blond tramp then Jason sure as hell wasn’t going to wait around any longer for him. He had better things to do, after all. Better things and a trigger happy finger.

He called up Roy on his comm and asked –more like demanded –to know if there was any trouble brewing in the Bowery that night. Roy told him about a drug bust he was planning to do and Jason was headed straight there.

It’d been a quick job. Too quick.

The thugs hadn’t seen the Red’s coming. Between arrows and bullets they’d never had a chance. Especially since Jason hadn’t been in the mood to _give_  them a chance.

The Red Hood and the Red Arrow continued on like that for a couple weeks before Jason started to become so violent that Roy was starting to seriously worry about him. Jason did nothing but spend his nights murdering thugs and his days cleaning guns. He’d started to fall into bed around five in the morning with a beer in his hands and waking up with a massive hangover. Roy tried talking to him but Jason didn’t want to hear any of it. Jason even stopped answering his phone. Even for Dick.

After the twelfth time Dick called, Roy had come home to find Jason stuffing his phone down their garbage disposal.

It eventually got so bad that Roy had to call for back up.

On one particularly rainy night, nearly a month after Jason’s run in with Rose and Dick, Jason freaked out on patrol. He’d gone crazy on one of the Scarecrow’s goons and Roy had tried to pull him off the poor guy. Red Arrow had ended up sprawled on the ground and the last thing he saw before Jason took off on his bike was how Lazarus green his eyes were.

Jason had gotten pretty good at fighting off the effects of the pit and he would usually isolate himself if he felt like he couldn’t control them. Yet, he’d been undergoing the pit’s effects since he saw Rose in Dick’s shirt.

Roy hadn’t known who to call after Jason took off. It was clear after two days that Jason had no plans of returning to their shared apartment anytime soon. So, Red Arrow resorted to calling the only person he thought Jason might listen to.

And that’s how Jason found himself backed into a corner. Literally.

He’d been in the middle of an interrogation when Nightwing had crashed his party. Glass had shattered everywhere from the window the blue and black hero had burst through. He didn’t even have time to blink before Grayson had his escrima sticks out and was fending off attacks. Jason hadn’t realized at the time that it had been him delivering the attacks. Not until a shot was heard and his attention was snapped away from his once hero and to the man he’d been previously interrogating.

The man had gotten a hold of the gun Jason had dropped when Dick had come in through the window. The shot he’d fired had missed both hero and anti-hero, lucky for them. Unlucky for him, though because he immediately had the attention of both of them. It was with practiced precision that Jason and Dick managed to apprehend and knock out the man. Jason had planned to shoot the man in the head at the end of his interrogation but he still hadn’t gotten the information he needed. So, he settled for punching Dick in the face.

Dick took the first hit but stopped the second.

“Jason, stop it!” the older bird demanded, twisting the younger’s arms behind his back and pinning him to the floor.

“Fuck you!” Jason spat as he used his weight to flip Dick off him. Dick might have been older than him but Jason was stronger.

“What’s wrong with you?” Dick demanded to know as he lay on the floor.

Jason was kind of disappointed that Dick didn’t try to strike again. The older man just laid there on the dirty floor, his blue eyes hidden behind his domino mask, and his escrima sticks laying off to either side of him. He was panting slightly and Jason wanted to slap himself for noticing a cut on his right arm. He knew he should do something. He knew he should help Dick up and maybe even find a first aid kit to clean that cut, but he couldn’t. He was paralyzed.

Jason had been numb since finding Rose with Dick. He’d shut out everyone and shut off his emotions. He returned himself to the kid that had freshly risen from the pit. It wasn’t something he was proud of, but it also wasn’t entirely his fault. He turned into a monster when he shut down. When he let himself become numb he became dangerous. He didn’t care about anyone or anything besides whatever mission he’d chosen to pursue. If anyone did get in his way he counted them as necessary casualties.

But now it was Dick in his way and even though he was numb he couldn’t bring himself to aim for the bastard’s head. He took a step back when Dick slowly rose to his feet.

Grayson kept his arms spread wide and his hands palm up as he slowly approached the now shaking Jason.

“Roy said you were in trouble. Are you alright?” Dick asked in a voice he might have used to comfort a scared child.

“You need to leave,” Jason answered shortly as the hand that was holding his gun began to violently shake. He didn’t even remember picking the gun up from where he was sure it’d fallen when he and Dick had sedated his prisoner.

Dick shook his head and moved even closer to Jason, who took a step back with every step Dick made towards him. Dick stopped advancing when he realized Jason had unintentionally cornered himself. He knew that if he pressed Jason further, with his back to the wall juncture, he’d be perceived as a threat.

“Jason, I want to help. Just tell me what’s wrong? What triggered this?”

Jason let out an insane cackle. “You really don’t want to know, Dickiebird.”

“I really do,” Dick tried to press without pressing too hard.

“It was you. You and your girlfriend,” Jason spat the last word like it was bile in his mouth.

“My girl…” Dick trailed off as realization dawned on him. He took another tentative step forward as he said, “Jason, Rose isn’t my girlfriend. She just….”

“Get away from me!” Jason’s gun was now raised.

Jason’s hand was still shaking and Dick knew it was a bad idea to provoke a shaky gunman. But he also knew that he needed to explain things to Jason. He needed to tell him what had happened after the younger man had left his apartment that night. Yet, he needed to calm Jason down first. Nothing he said would have any affect if Jason was hell bent on keeping him away from him. First thing he had to do was get Jason calmed down and out of the corner. So, he took a step back and asked, “Why?”

“Because,” Jason began and Dick didn’t like the empty look in his green eyes or the way his gun hand suddenly stopped shaking, “I go numb before I go nuclear and right now I can’t feel a thing.”

Dick opened his mouth to respond but the only sound that came out was a scream as Jason’s finger pulled the trigger.


	4. His Reason to Hide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason flees Gotham. He seeks a new life in Star City, where he acquires a new identity and line of work. However, with each passing day his guilt over hurting Dick grows and it's started to become unbearable. When a familiar face shows up and challenge's Jason's whole idea of what had taken place in Gotham, he starts to question if maybe he should return and speak to Dick.

The sound of a gun firing rang in Jason’s ears. He’d killed many people before and had harmed many more. He’d murdered his murderer and threatened to murder his family. That’s all they’d ever been, though. Threats. He’d never actually intended to go through with them. They were things he’d said in anger. They were a way to push his brothers away. They were a way to keep himself safe. Distance was his friend when it came to the bat and his precious birds. He’d thought that if he’d hated them enough, if he’d threatened their lives enough, that they’d leave him alone and then they’d both be safe. Yet, somehow, Dick had gotten under his skin. Somehow, the first boy wonder had made Jason fall in love with him.

Jason had been a mere child when he’d first realized he had a crush on his so-called older brother. He’d been a teen when he first stumbled on Dick pinning one of his girlfriends to the manor couch. That’d been the first night he’d wondered what it’d be like to be the one kissing the older bird. He’d dreamt of Dick pinning _him_ to the couch, or the wall, or even the bat cave computer. Then, as he got older, those dreams changed. He’d be the one doing the pinning. The one shoving Dick into the wall and spreading his legs by slipping one of his own between those lean acrobatic thighs.

          When he’d died and came back, he was so messed up that he knew he’d never have a chance with Dick. Then the charismatic asshole made it his own personal goal to reunite Jason with the family. Jason had pushed him away at first. In fact, he’d found Dick’s almost constant presence annoying, but then he slowly started letting his guard down and his true feelings for the older man once again made themselves known.

          Jason had been worried when they’d thought Bruce dead. Not because Bruce was dead, but because he knew Dick well enough to predict what was going to happen. He’d known before Dick had that the first bird would take over running the estate. He’d known that Dick would end up with their youngest brother as a ward and with the weight of the world on his shoulders. The damned guy was just too caring. He was a saint in a world of sinners. He’d take on anything to protect his family and he’d felt that it was his responsibility to put on the cape and cowl.

Then Bruce came back and shit hit the fan.

Dick had been beyond stressed before Bruce’s reappearance into their lives. He’d transferred to the Gotham police department, worked as the Bat by night, raised Damian, tried to help Alfred with as much chores as possible, managed to create stronger bonds within the Justice League, and had accomplished what Jason had previously thought impossible; he’d gotten the Robins to work together. They’d become a well-oiled team because of him. Then the Bat returned and showed no appreciation for anything that Dick had done.

Bruce had been eager to criticize and reluctant to praise.

“What an asshole,” Jason had remarked after witnessing Bruce berate Dick on the number of non-family members he’d gotten involved in the Batman’s work.

          Dick had fixed him with a pointed look and said, “Let it go, Jason. He means well. And maybe he’s right. Maybe I shouldn’t have let things get this far.”

That was just like Dick. He always stood up for family. Even if the family was against him.

For a while, Jason had actually believed that Dick was okay. Until the night Nightwing fell off a building and barely managed to grapple to safety. After that Jason took it upon himself to make sure his former hero was alright.

Then Jason fell even more in love with Dick as he helped the broken bird pick himself up. Just like he’d known it would when he’d come back from the grave, letting his guard down had led to him getting hurt. He’d sliced himself open on the broken pieces that was Dick Grayson’s self-confidence and it triggered the Lazarus effects still within him.

He hadn’t planned for it to go this way. He’d just wanted to leave. He’d thought that if he killed enough rapists and thugs that he’d somehow be purged of his failure to keep his guard up. He’d thought that it’d harden him up enough that Dick’s relationship with Wilson’s daughter wouldn’t hurt as much. It didn’t. It’d only lead to more hurt.

Dick had found him and they’d had a scuffle. He’d been scared and hurt, and he knew he shouldn’t have ever told Dick where all his safe houses were. Maybe then the boy wonder wouldn’t have found him.

He hadn’t been thinking clearly and Dick had pissed him off. One minute he’d been holding his gun, his hand shaking from the onslaught of emotions within him, and then the next he was consumed. He gave in to the pit within him and he’d gone numb…and he’d hurt Dick.

“Roy said you were in trouble. Are you alright?” Dick had asked in such a comforting voice that it’d made Jason feel like a scared animal. He could feel himself sinking further and further away from reality. He knew that his eyes must have been the brightest green by that point. Surly Dick had seen them and known that he was encroaching on dangerous territory.

“You need to leave,” Jason had tried to warn. The hand he’d held his gun with had started shaking violently. The odd part was that he hadn’t even remembered picking the gun up from where it’d fallen during his and Dick’s scuffle with his prisoner.

Dick had done something stupid then. He’d moved even closer to Jason.

Jason had taken a step back with every step Dick had taken forwards. He needed there to be distance between them. He’d been so preoccupied with keeping that distance between them that he’d unintentionally backed himself into a corner. Dick had realized this, of course, and had retreated slightly. Though it really wasn’t much of a retreat. It was more of a gentle sway backwards onto the heels of his feet.  He was still much too close for Jason’s comfort.

“Jason, I want to help. Just tell me what’s wrong? What triggered this?”

Had he really not known? Surly the great big bird had to have known how much Jason had loved him and how much it’d hurt him to see Rose Wilson wearing nothing but Grayson’s shirt. If he didn’t, then he was blinder than the rodent their adopted father dressed up as.

“You really don’t want to know, Dickiebird,” Jason had let out an insane cackle.

“I really do.”

The walls were starting to get too close and Jason was finding it hard to breath.

 “It was you. You and your girlfriend,” the last word had tasted horrible on Jason’s tongue.

 “My girl…” Dick had trailed off and Jason wondered if behind the domino mask there was realization or confusion in his blue eyes. Another tentative step was taken forward as Dick regained his voice, “Jason, Rose isn’t my girlfriend. She just…”

Jason had to fight the childish urge to cover his ears. He didn’t want to hear about what Rose was to Dick or about whatever they’d gotten up to before and after he’d arrived at Dick’s apartment that night. He raised his gun in a last effort to scare off the slightly shorter male. He almost shouted his next words as the barrel of his gun was lined up perfectly with Dick’s left shoulder. He’d hoped that the thought of another bullet piercing through the still tender healing flesh of his shoulder would force Dick back a step. After all, Dick’s shoulder still hadn’t fully healed from the bullet he’d taken roughly a month before and no one would want such a wound reopened by another bullet.

“Get away from me!”

Much to Jason’s relief, Grayson took a step back. “Why?”

Dick shouldn’t have to ask why. Dick should have known why.

“Because,” Jason began to explain as he felt his entire being go numb, “I go numb before I go nuclear and right now I can’t feel a thing.”

Dick had opened his mouth to respond but what came out of it was a scream as Jason’s finger pulled the trigger.

The sound of that gunshot still rang in his head late at night, the sight of the blood that’d soaked the Nightwing costume still haunted him in his sleep, and the guilt of not taking Dick back to the manor himself clung to his every thought.

Dick had gone into shock after Jason had shot him. The older boy had stared up at him with a mix of fear and hurt behind his mask. Jason had merely pushed Dick onto his back and pressed a button on the NIghtwing gauntlet that would notify the cave that its wearer was in need of assistance.

Bruce and Alfred had taught Jason enough medical treatment that he knew that Dick would be fine as long as he kept pressure on the wound. Help would arrive shortly and the pressure would stabilize him long enough for them to find him. So, Jason had unfeelingly approached his passed out prisoner and taken the dirty gag out of his mouth. He shoved the ripped cloth against Dick’s fresh wound and placed the older man’s hand on it to hold it in place.

Jason was on auto pilot. He didn’t feel a thing as he stared down at Dick’s face, twisted in pain. Nor did he feel an ounce of guilt as he stood to leave, shooting his useless prisoner in the head as he walked by. The Bat and one of his birds would be there soon.

“Jay,” Dick’s weak voice had called out as Jason went to leave the mostly empty room, “Don’t go.”

“Fuck you,” Jason had responded.

That had been two months ago and Jason had been hiding out in Star City since then. He couldn’t go back to Gotham. Roy had phoned him multiple times to tell him how the Batman and Robin had taken to patrolling the Bowery and Crime Alley with a renewed passion. Red Robin had stopped by his and Roy’s shared apartment more than a couple times. He always asked for Jason and Roy always told him that he didn’t know where the other Red was. Jason doubted that Tim believed him. The boy was much too smart to think that Jason hadn’t told Roy where he was going, but Roy would cover for him even if it led him to the grave.

After that night those two months ago, Jason hadn’t felt anything for a week. He’d been completely numb and his memories of that week were blurred. Only on the second week did the guilt start to set in. He hadn’t slept more than a couple of hours a night since then. Even then, the sleep he got was only because of the sleeping pills he’d begun to take.

He’d found a job working at a small mechanic shop in Star City’s lower class district and managed to obtain a one room apartment. Of course, he hadn’t used his real name. Legally, Jason Todd was dead and he’d been unable to use any of his former aliases in fear that the Bat would use them to track him. He’d used his contacts to set up a new identity for himself as Peter Robinson.

He’d work in the garage by day and watch the news by night. His fridge was kept stocked with beer and the local pizza shop knew his order by heart. As did the sketchy Chinese take-out place two blocks away from his apartment. As he ate his take-out, or munched on his pizza, he’d scan the news for anything bat or bird related. Sometimes he’d even hear something about Wayne enterprises.

The first few weeks he’d known that all he’d hear about Nightwing was people questioning where he was. Bats wouldn’t let Nightwing patrol if his shoulder was as screwed up as Jason thought it was. Yet, by the second month he’d thought the blue bird would have gotten himself back on the patrol roster.

As the third moth rolled around, there was still no mention of Nightwing. He’d even done a few google searches to find out why. He’d had better luck with the internet than he did with the news and had found out that Nightwing had been spotted doing some petty vigilante work. It was nothing too extensive though and there were only a hand full of recent cases. It made Jason wonder if he hadn’t injured Dick more than he thought he did. That thought only fueled his guilt and lead to him throwing his laptop out the window of his apartment. After that he took to spending his nights at the bar instead of in front of the television.

It was four months until anyone in the bat family found him and he wasn’t convinced that it was by accident.

It was nearing noon and he’d been working under an old blue truck when he’d heard two sets of footsteps enter the garage.

“We can’t tell for sure what’s wrong unless you bring your car in. I have a tow truck and we can go pick it up this afternoon,” Jason’s boss was telling a costumer.

“Like I said, I know what’s wrong,” a very familiar voice ground out and caused Jason to pause in his work. “If you can just order me the part I asked for, I can do all the labor myself.”

The shop’s owner chuckled. “What’s a pretty boy like you know about fixing a car?”

“I’ll have you know that I have a degree in engineering and business. I’ve been fixing things much more complex than my car’s brakes since I was ten.”

Jason fought back a smirk. If only his boss knew the kind of things the pretty boy had really fixed. Bat vehicles, computer systems, security systems…the boy was a genius and he’d modified his tablet so it was basically a universal remote for the world.

The shop owner grunted. “I don’t like your attitude, boy. You best find a different shop.”

“I don’t know where any other shop is. I’m not from here. It’s lucky I even found this place.”

Jason snorted. Baby bird had probably already done research on every mechanic shop in Star City. His brakes were probably in perfect condition. He had no reason to even be in the lower-class district. Which could only mean one thing, Red Robin had found him.

Jason could play this situation two ways. He could stay hidden under the truck until his younger brother left, which would most likely result to him going home that night and finding Red Robin on his couch, or he could make his presence known and get the confrontation over with.

Making up his mind, Jason said, “Fuck it,” and pushed himself out from under the truck.

“I’ll take care of this one, boss,” Jason spoke to the shop owner as he wiped his grease stained hands on a red mechanic’s cloth.

Tim hadn’t even bothered to pretend to be shocked at seeing his older brother. Instead, he’d folded his arms and said in a clipped tone, “I hope you’re more competent then he is,” and nodded towards the shop owner.

Jason had raised a brow. Tim’s words reminded him more of Damian than the baby bird he knew. Either Tim was putting on a persona for the shop owner or he was genuinely, royally pissed off.

The shop owner stomped away unamused and Jason waited until he was sure the man was in his office to say anything.

 “What the hell are you doing here, Timmy,” Jason ground out.

“Trying to get replacement brakes,” Tim blinked too innocently.

 “Bullshit!” Jason all but yelled and was slightly irritated when he didn’t get a reaction from his younger brother. “Why the hell did you come after me?”

“You think I came here for you?” Tim blinked again. “I’m here for a charity event. The Wayne foundation is making a donation to Sister Mary’s Orphanage and I’m the spokesman. The board thought it would be good press if one of Bruce’s orphaned wards was the one to present the donation and seeing as you were nowhere to be found –not to mention are legally dead –and Dick is refusing to make any public appearances, I was given the lovely task.”

Jason grunted. He didn’t entirely believe the younger Robin’s story but he had heard a few of the nuns talking in the coffee shop about the orphanage gaining new funding. “You were always the best spokesman out of all of us. B made a wise choice.”

Tim hummed. “Maybe, but Dick was always more charismatic and you’ve always been able to bond with the orphans better than any of us.”

“Perk of being a street kid, I guess.”

Tim shrugged.

 “So you really need brakes then?” Jason questioned and his younger brother shook his head.

“No,” Tim admitted. “My car’s fine, but I figured I’d stop by and see you while I was in town.”

“I knew it,” Jason gave a short, breathy laugh. “How the hell did you find me?”

“B’s known where you were for three months now,” Tim answered honestly. “I actually tried to come sooner but he forbid any of us from coming after you.”

The elder red’s brows knit together. “I would have thought he’d come after me himself after I shot his precious golden boy.”

The corners of Tim’s mouth turned down. “No one blames you for that. Dick told everyone that it was his fault. We’re just thankful you were in a clear enough mindset that you didn’t shoot him anywhere more vital. Damian is starting to complain that you didn’t, though. Dick’s bad mood is starting to get to him.”

“What’s wrong with goldie? His girlfriend leave him already?”

 “What girlfriend?” Tim asked and Jason could tell that the younger man really had no idea what he was talking about.

“You haven’t heard, babybird? Dickie’s been fucking Rose Wilson.”

“Have you checked your sources?”

“I am the source,” Jason scoffed. “Witnessed it myself.”

Tim was silent for a moment. He watched Jason in a contemplative manner. “That’s odd.”

“Really? After he dated an alien princess, a magician, our own original batgirl, and a variety of girls he met as Nightwing and at charity events, you think it’s odd that he’s dating Rose Wilson?”

“Well, yeah. We all thought he was dating you. He didn’t…I mean...It wouldn’t be like him to cheat on you.”

Jason paused. “What?”

A slow nod was given to the oldest red by the younger. “You and he were spending so much time together that we assumed that you’d finally told each other how the other felt. When he told us that you took off because you two were fighting and he trigged a Lazarus episode…” Tim shook his head. “We thought his bad mood was because he was missing his boyfriend or that you had broken up. Did he cheat on you with Rose?”

 “No. Not really. We were never actually together. Who’s we?”

“Alfred, Bruce, Damian, and I. The family. I guess we should have asked him. Sorry. We shouldn’t have assumed…”

“You thought we were dating?”

“Yeah, what else were we supposed to think? We all knew you liked each other and Dick was constantly going on about all the time you two were spending together. Damian was jealous for a while and had even planned a way to break you two up if Dick didn’t starting showing up at the cave more often.”

“We were just hanging out,” Jason supplied, making sure to leave out the part about them occasionally groping each other. “Surly Dickhead told you that.”

“What he told us was that he wanted an extra night off patrol so he could cuddle on the couch and watch movies with you.”

Jason took a moment to consider Tim’s words. The kid had to be incorrect. Dick had just been trying to spare Jason the guilt. He was once again being the sacrificial lamb. That’s all it was. Dick didn’t like Jason. Not like that. Jason would know. He’d confessed his feelings to the older man and had gotten no confession in return.

Never once had Dick said anything remotely close to, “I love you,” to Jason since his confession. He was fucking Rose Wilson for fucks sake! He only came after Jason that night because the Red Hood had been leaving a trail of bodies for weeks and he couldn’t stand the thought of his little brother being a murderer.

“I think you should come home,” Tim spoke up after a couple minutes of silence. “It’s obvious there’s more going on than we thought.”

Jason shook his head. “You’re wrong, kid. Going back to Gotham would be hell. Dick doesn’t want to see me.”

“Yes he does. Ever since he got out of the hospital he’s been trying to convince B to tell him where you are.”

“I can’t go back,” Jason stated sharply.

“Why?”

“You were half way right. One of us did confess our feelings. I told Dick how I felt. He made it clear that he doesn’t feel the same.”

Tim shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “But he does feel the same. He’s felt the same since your resurrection.”

Jason shook his head. For being the smartest robin, Timothy could really be dumb sometimes. Dick didn’t love him. Not like Jason loved him. Jason was just a kid brother to him. He’d just been someone to lean on when times were rough for the big bird.

“Look, kid,” Jason stated, “I don’t know what makes you think that Dickiebird likes me, but I’m not coming back to Gotham. You can crash at my place tonight if you need a place to stay. It’s shit, but it’s got a roof and walls.”

“I already have a room at a hotel.”

“Figured. Five star, right?”

Tim could tell that he wasn’t going to get anywhere with Jason, so he let out a soft sigh. “Yeah, five star. They serve a mean swordfish. My plane back doesn’t leave until tomorrow afternoon. If you decide you want to come,” he dug in his jacket pocket and withdrew a cardboard envelope. He held the envelope out for Jason, who took it and analyzed the airline name written on the front, “I took the liberty of getting you a ticket. Flight leaves at three.”

“Thanks baby bird,” Jason held the envelope out for his brother to take back, “but I won’t be needing this.”

Tim shook his head and pushed the envelope away from him. “It’s yours. Just in case you change your mind. Whatever you decide, you should call Dick. I’ve got a feeling that whatever’s going on is just one big misunderstanding.”

Tim didn’t say anything else, but offered a short wave before being on his way. Jason stood in the garage, turning the envelope holding his plane ticket over in his hands. Tim was wrong. The kid didn’t know what he was talking about. If he went back to Gotham he’d be met with a lecture from Bruce and hatred in Dick’s eyes, he was sure. Except he was also sure that Dick was physically incapable of hating anyone.

Jason growled as he harshly threw the ticket into the trashcan by a work bench. There was no way in hell he was going back to Gotham. No matter what nonsense the kid tried to convince him of.

“You get pretty boy’s business?” the shop owner entered the garage with an eager expression.

“No,” Jason ground out. “The guy was a real asshole.”

His boss chuckled. “Did you see the designer clothes he was wearing? Fucking kid doesn’t know a thing about fixing cars. He’ll be back. Either that or he’ll break daddy’s pocket book trying to get those parts from one of the upper-class shops.”

Jason returned the laugh and grabbed a wrench to return to working on the blue truck. All the while, though, he could feel the ticket’s presence in the trash can and could hear Tim’s words repeating themselves in his head, _“I’ve got a feeling that whatever is going on is just one big misunderstanding.”_


	5. His Reason to Search

****

“Hiyah! Huh, huh, he, Ya!” Damian called out as he delivered a series of attacks on the assassin that’d been foolish enough to try removing Robin’s head.

Nightwing heard a sickening crack and whipped his head around to check on the youngest bird, jabbing the end of one of his escrima sticks into his own assassin. The black and blue weapon crackled as a jolt of electricity was shot into the assassin’s gut. The assassin barely managed a choked groan before his body fell to the dirty ground of the old bunker.

Nightwing twisted, stepping over the twitching body to get closer to his partner. Damian was holding his own and the sickening crack he’d heard had apparently been made when the boy delivered a hard punch to the now unconscious assassin laying at his boot clad feet, but he still didn’t feel comfortable being too far away from the little bird. He hadn’t even wanted Damian to come along. Damian was never supposed to get messed up in this. None of them were. Yet, somewhere along the way, the mission Dick was doing for a friend stopped being his mission and started being theirs. He blamed Jason.

If Jason hadn’t left him bleeding out on the floor of a mostly empty apartment then he wouldn’t have had to explain the situation to Bats, and if he wouldn’t have had to explain anything then he’d be the only one risking his life. He also would have been spared the pitying looks his family had been giving him.

Just the thought of Jason, even if it was to cast blame, caused an ache in Dick’s heart. It’d been four months since he’d last seen him and the last time hadn’t exactly been ideal.

Nightwing rubbed at his left shoulder as he remembered the bullet that’d pierced it four months before. It had still been healing from a previous bullet wound when it’d been torn open. The second shot had hurt worse than the first and it wasn’t because the flesh had still been tender. No. It’d hurt more because it had been Jason who’d fired the gun. Because Jason’s eyes had been wild, and crazy, and scared, but most of all it hurt more because it had been inflicted because of the unnecessary pain Dick had accidently caused the Red Hood.

Three months and 25 days ago, he’d awoken to a harsh light and a cool surface. It hadn’t taken him long to realize that he was in the Batcave’s medbay. His shoulder hurt like someone had driven a semi over it and his head pounded from the bright light shining down upon him. He could feel the little needle stuck into the juncture of his left arm and hear muffled voices.

“Grayson? Father, he’s awake,” Damian’s voice was the first one that lost its underwater sound, evening out so it was clear enough for Dick to make sense of his words.

“Thank heavens.” Alfred. That voice had to be Alfred’s. It had too rich of an English accent to be anyone but the beloved butler’s.  

“Dick. Richard, can you hear me?” Slowly Bruce’s voice also swam into focus. “Chum, can you hear me?”

Dick blinked. He could hear them, but when he went to talk his tongue felt heavy. It took him a moment and a few times swallowing to form any sort of reply, and his first attempt only resulted in a pain filled groan.

“I believe it is time for his next round of pain medication, sir,” Alfred had voiced.

“Not yet,” Bruce’s voice was sharp and unyielding, more like the Bat’s then Brucie’s. It was a tone Dick had come to associate to the occasional moments that Bruce went into father mode. The moments when he was scared or worried about one of his sons. Not that Bruce would ever admit that he had a father mode. To him he was just the Bat or Brucie. Dick, however, knew better. So did Tim and Damian. Jason didn’t. Jason was pretty much sure that even Bruce’s playboy persona didn’t really exist. To Jason, Bruce was always the Bat and never the man behind the mask. “Chum, can you tell me what happened?”

“Ugh, Jason,” Dick managed to grind out. He wanted to stop talking and succumb to whatever medication Alfred had wanted to give him so that he wouldn’t have to feel the throbbing pain in his shoulder and aching crack in his heart. Yet, he knew he had to continue speaking or else Bruce would take his words the wrong way, and he didn’t want the Batman chasing down Red Hood because he thought he’d tried to murder Nightwing.

“You found Jason?” Tim’s voice now; puzzled and elated. “What were you thinking confronting him alone? You do realize he’s been on another one of his killing sprees, right?”

“Tim,” Bruce’s voice cut Red Robin off.

“As much as it pains me to say this, Drake is right,” Damian sneered. “Grayson, what _were_ you thinking? Do you have a secret death wish that we should be aware of?”

“My fault,” Dick managed to choke out with a clenched jaw. “Not Jason’s. My fault. The killing spree. My shoulder. My fault.”

There was silence for a moment before Bruce’s voice rang out clear and rough right next to Dick’s side. “He’s not making any sense. Alfred, go ahead and give him the medication. Let’s hope the next time he wakes up he’ll be in a much clearer mind state.”

But he hadn’t been in a clearer mind state. It’d taken some time for Dick to convince Bruce that the whole situation really _was_ his fault and even then Bruce only reluctantly agreed to not go after the second Robin. Of course, that was after he about died of shock from Dick’s tale.

Richard Grayson could count on one hand the number of times he’d seen his mentor truly, deeply shocked. The number of times that it didn’t matter what mask Bruce had been wearing, the playboy or the cowl, for he was reduced to raw emotion. This was the time that Dick thought might actually kill the man.

“You and Jason what?” Tim had blinked, not believing Dick’s words. “I knew it! I knew there was more behind you asking for nights off patrol to hang out with him.”

Alfred had frozen in the doorway of Bruce’s study, a silver tray of hot cookies in his hands.

Damian was sputtering, spiting the milk he’d been about to swallow back into his glass, and Bruce was slack jawed and as unmoving as one of the manor’s lawn statues.

“Grayson!” Damian declared after he stopped drowning on his milk. “Are you still high on pain medication?”

Dick had sighed and leaned against Bruce’s desk. His brothers were perched in the two high backed chairs across from the desk and Bruce was standing by the bookshelf. Alfred still hadn’t moved from the doorway.

“I didn’t mean for it to happen,” Dick had run a hand through his tangled hair. He noted that it was probably about time he got it cut again as the black strands threatened to block his vision. “I was in a bad place and he helped me. When he told me he loved me I swear I had no intention of doing anything about it. I mean, I figured it was just a crush. Like he had when he was a kid. Then we started spending a lot of time together and, I don’t know, somehow we ended up sort of dating.”

“Define sort of,” Damian insisted.

“Well, it wasn’t official or anything, Little D, but it’s definitely where we were headed.”

“So, what happened?” Tim asked, of course. Being the detective he was, he wanted all the details. To him, every little bit of the story was important.

“I screwed up,” Dick said with a sigh.  “You know how many failed relationships I’ve had. I wanted to take this one slow. I didn’t want to risk losing Jason forever because I jumped the gun. So I never told him how I felt. To be honest, I didn’t even know I felt that way about him until he walked in on me and Rose. Up until that point, I just thought we were having some fun.”

“Dear god, Grayson!” Damian exclaimed. “You were fucking Wilson while falling for Todd? What is wrong with you? Father, I demand we do a CAT scan. There is something seriously wrong with Grayson.”

Bruce seemed to shake himself out of his stupor. “As out of character as cheating is for your brother, I don’t see a need for such testing.”

          “I didn’t fuck her!” Dick deadpanned. “It was raining and she needed my help. Slade’s sent someone to kill her and she wanted my help to get them off her trail. I let her use my shower and gave her some of my clothes to wear for the night, that’s it. We ate left over Chinese takeout and talked about who was after her all night, in between me repeatedly calling Jason to try and explain. Maybe I should have called him before he even showed up, but I didn’t think about it, and when he came through my window and saw her…” he groaned at the thought of what the situation must have looked like to Jason; at the memory of the hurt that’d flashed in Jason’s eyes.

To find Rose Wilson standing in Dick’s living room with nothing on but one of his button up shirts and him half-dressed, because he’d been ready for a night in with Jason before she’d shown up, must have given the younger Robin more than a shock. He knew that if it’d been him who’d come through the window to find one of Jason’s ex’s in his apartment he probably would have assumed the same thing. Especially if she’d been dressed like Rose was.

“He left so fast,” Dick’s throat clenched at the memory. “I tried calling him, and calling him, and calling him. I texted him. I even tried getting a hold of Roy. Neither of them would answer for me and the trampled roses he’d left on my apartment floor are still sitting in a bottle on my counter, and they’ve been dead for weeks.”

“This doesn’t explain how Todd shooting you was your fault,” Damian observed.

“A couple months after Jason found me with Rose, I got a call from Roy saying that Jason had gone full on Lazarus pit. He was worried he’d hurt himself so he gave me some info and I was able to track him down,” Dick explained. “I found him in one of his old safe houses. One of the ones he abandoned because he found out we knew about them. He was interrogating a thug and had a gun pressed against the man’s temple. He wasn’t very happy when I showed up. Bruce, he was scared. His eyes were Lazarus green.”

          “You know better than to confront him when he’s under the effects of the pit,” Bruce chided.

“I know, but he needed me. He was a mess and I was to blame! I knew the effect had been triggered by seeing Rose and I. You know how he gets when he’s emotional.”

Bruce nodded, recalling a few times he’d faced Red Hood when the boy had undergone a lot of emotional stress.

“I thought if I could explain then he’d be okay and everything could go back to normal, but he was too far gone. I don’t even know if Jason was actually there. It was more like he’d been consumed by the pit. To be fair, he did kind of warn me, but I still approached him. We wrestled for a bit and he backed himself into a corner. When I realized he’d done that I backed off but it was too late. He’d gone nuclear. I provoked him, Bruce. This,” Dick gestured to his wrapped shoulder, “was my fault, and now he’s out there somewhere, probably thinking he’s killed me. We have to find him. I have to fix this.”

“We’ll find him,” Bruce promised, “but you need to rest. I’m removing you from Patrol for at least two months.”

“What?” Dick fought back.

In the end Dick lost and was removed from the patrol roster for two months. After that he started doing little cases on the side of the bigger one Rose had given him. Of course, after Bruce found out about the case he instead on helping. Which was why Dick now found himself fighting side by side by the Bat and Bird, through an old warehouse that Slade’s assassin was supposedly camped out in.

Red Robin was the only family member who wasn’t directly involved with the case. He ran references and data for them. Sometimes he even played Oracle, but Dick had given him a different task that took up most of his time.

Dick was convinced that Bruce had found Jason. The Bat wouldn’t have rested until he’d found his lost bird, but he also didn’t show any interest in pursuing him anymore. Not since Dick’s revelation. Red Robin had been recruited to hack the bat computer and find Jason’s whereabouts. It’d been tough and for weeks he’d told Dick that it might be a hopeless chase, but two days ago He’d called Nightwing up in the middle of the night and said:

“I think I’ve found him. I don’t know for sure but there’s been a transfer from Jason’s private account to a bank in Star City and a payment to an apartment complex. The apartment is leased under a Peter Robinson, but it sounds like an alias Jason would use.”

“It has to be Jason,” Dick had gotten excited. He’d wanted to be on the first flight there but Tim had reasoned that Dick probably wouldn’t be the first person Jason would want to see.

“We could be wrong and, even if we aren’t, I doubt Jay really wants to see you right now,” Tim had stated. “Why don’t I go and check it out? I’ll go under the guise of Timothy Drake-Wayne and find some sort of charity to appear at. I’ll line everything up so I have a palpable reason for being there and Jason can’t accuse me of coming after him. Talking to him will be easier if he doesn’t think we’re chasing him.”

Dick had been reluctant to agree to stay behind but Tim promised he’d try to talk Jason into returning to Gotham. The next day Tim was on a plane to Star City and Dick was stuck in the Batcave putting some final touches on a plan to get rid of the assassins after Rose.

Now, he and Robin were surrounded by the unconscious bodies of assassins and Batman was trailing Death Stroke through the city. They hadn’t planned to take down the swordsman. The whole plan had been to distract him and Dick was pretty sure they’d done a hell of a job of it. With Death Stroke occupied, Rose was headed towards a new life with a new identity in the Caribbean. Dick just hoped everything would work out for her.

As the clock rang three times, signaling the early hour, Dick followed the Batmobile into the cave. He parked his bike and slipped off his black and blue helmet just as Batman and Robin excited the shiny black car.  Batman hadn’t caught up with Death Stroke, but he managed to keep him on the run for a few hours before calling it a night and demanding that they all return to the manor.

          Dick yawned, stretching his arms above his head as he readied to switch out of his uniform and mount his civilian bike.

“That’s a wrap,” He grinned, though all of his grins were tight now that Jason wasn’t around. “What I wouldn’t give for a hot shower and a warm bed right now. Think I’ll be heading home, Bats.”

          “You’re staying here tonight,” Batman stated, leaving no room for argument.

Dick groaned. “I haven’t been back to my apartment in four months, Bruce. What’s the point of paying rent if I’m never there?”

“I think we can afford your rent,” Bruce rolled his eyes beneath the cowl. “The bio-readings from your suit are still sending reports of high stress levels and minimal usage of your left arm. I want Doctor Leslie Thompkins to take another look at your shoulder.”

“I’m not a kid, B,” Dick responded. “I’m fine. My shoulder’s just a little sore.”

          “And the stress levels?”

“Maybe if I wasn’t in the same house with you and Damian all the time they’d even out a bit.”

“Unlikely. They have never been this high in the past. It is Jason that is causing the spike and I will not allow you to leave the manor until I can trust that they are stable and will remain stable while you are away.”

“You’re grounding me because I’m moody over a boy?”

“No. I’m ‘grounding’ you because your need to find Jason makes you a flight risk.”

“What if I promise not to go after him?”

“Your promise, in this instance, Grayson, means little,” Damian chimed in. “As Father has told me several times, you are an emotional being and therefore must be handled with care. We cannot risk you losing control and leaving the city because of Todd. Especially not since you are still injured.”

Nightwing frowned and began to pry the domino mask away from his eyes. “Did you really tell him that I’m an emotional being that must be handled with care, B? You might as well just stick me in a box and stamp fragile on the side. I’m insulted that you think I can shatter so easily.”

Bruce merely grunted in response before saying. “Change. Shower. Bed.”

Damian gave his father a curt nod at the order and went to do just that, while Dick rolled his cerulean blue eyes and mockingly said, “Yes, dad. If we’re good boys and hurry up will you read us a bedtime story?”

Bruce didn’t respond and Dick didn’t expect him to. He did, however, follow Bruce’s request and he almost fell asleep as soon as his head hit his pillow. He stared at the picture of him, Bruce, and Jason that sat on the nightstand of his manor bedroom. It’d been taken shortly after the kid had become Robin and Jason was making a funny face at the camera while Dick laughed and Bruce was rolling his eyes.

He’d been about to fall asleep, thinking of Jason and all the good and bad times they’d had together, when his phone tweeted. A dim blue light lit up the room as he swiped the phone from its spot beside the picture. The grin that broke out on his face when he read the text from Tim was so contagious that it could have even infected the Batman, had he been in the room.

                _“I found Jason.”_


	6. His Reason to Call

“Dick? Dickie, stop,” Jason’s words were breathy as Dick mouthed at his neck. “You’re going to leave a mark.”

“Good, then everyone will know you’re mine,” Dick grinned as he pulled away from the second robin, who he was straddling the lap of on his couch. The movie they’d been watching played on without their attention and the two beers Jason had gotten out of the fridge for them sat forgotten on the coffee table.

“I’m the mother fucking Red Hood, I can’t have a hicky, Dickhead. You know how hard it is to strike fear into the heart of Gotham’s criminals when you have a love bite peeking out from under your collar. Oh fuck, imagine the things they’d say. They’d probably forget all about being scared and instead wonder who the hell has gotten their claws into me,” Jason stated and his hands tightened where they held Dick’s hips when the older male started to lightly grind against him.

Dick laughed. “Let loose a little, will you? Nothing bad is going to happen to your rep if you let me love on you a little.”

A darkness crept into Jason’s eyes at that and Dick screwed his brow together in worry. “Jay?”

“Why? So you can love me the same way you loved that Wilson bitch?”

“What? Jaybird, I…”

The floor fell out from under them and Dick found himself laying flat on his back in an abandoned building. Blood was leaking from his shoulder and Jason was crouched over him, gun in hand and it’s barrel pressed between his maskless blue eyes.

“Fuck you, Dick Grayson. Fuck you and fuck Rose Wilson. I fucking trusted you and look what you did to me.”

Dick gasped blood seeped through Jason’s armor, right where his heart was beating beneath it.

“Jason,” Dick sobbed, reaching out to try to stop the blood from leaving Jason even as his own shoulder continued to spew crimson. “Jason, I’m so sorry. Let me fix this.”

“You can’t fucking fix this,” the words were spoken just before the trigger of Jason’s gun was pulled and Dick sat up in shock.

The blue bird looked around his room at the manner with wide, wild eyes for a moment before he realized it’d all been a dream. Collapsing back onto his bed, he stared up at the dark ceiling of his bedroom and tried to even his breathing.

It’d been nearly four months since Tim had found Jason. Four long, agonizing months of uneasiness and guilt. Dick had tried to call the red bird several times in that first month but his old phone number didn’t work and Tim was refusing to give him Jason’s current one.

                “If he wants to talk to you then he will,” Tim had stated. “I’m sure he still has your number. You chased him away. Now you have to wait for him to come back.”

                “ _If_ he comes back,” Damian had muttered, to which Dick had given a glare. “Tt. Don’t look at me like that, Grayson. This is your own fault. You’ve even admitted as much.”

                The youngest Wayne was right. It was Dick’s fault. More so then Damian even knew, for Dick had omitted a key piece of information when retailing the events leading up to Jason’s disappearance to the family. He’d neglected to tell them that he had, in fact, been a bit more physical with Rose that night then he had let on.

                He’d tried to justify what he’d done with Rose by reasoning that they hadn’t _actually_ had sex, and he and Jason weren’t _actually_ in a relationship, so what he’d done wasn’t _actually_ cheating. Yet, there was a little voice gnawing at the back of his mind, accusing him of betraying Jason. And the more time passed the more he started to believe that voice.

                He’d replayed the events that’d led up to his current predicament over, and over, again in his mind. Everything from the night Jason had talked him out of running away to the circus, to them sort of dating, to Rose showing up asking for help and him getting a little too friendly with her, to the pained look that’d overtaken Jason’s face when he’d walked in on them, to Jason shooting him…all the way to Tim discovering Jason’s current whereabouts.

                Four months was a long time to be waiting for a call, he supposed, but he knew Jason would only run if he went after him. Not that he could go after him. Tim had made sure to triple encrypt, or erase, every piece of data that could lead the oldest Robin to the second one. It was frustrating.

The whole concept of wanting to make things right so bad but not being able to was frustrating...

…The fact that he didn’t know if he’d ever see Jason again and that he had no one but himself to blame for that was frustrating….

…The whole thing, in its entirety, was frustrating…

…And it was all his fault.

Dick groaned as he threw himself backwards on his bed at the manor. The palms of his hands worked at his eyes as his phone lay blank at his side. He’d been staying at the manor for roughly eight months. Since Jason had shot him. Minus a few weeks here and there that he’d returned to his apartment.

He was starting to seriously question why he even paid rent anymore and was debating on letting his apartment go. Bruce had him working on new cases left and right, he had to resign from his position at the GCPD because his bullet wound hadn’t been healing right and Commissioner Gordon had thought a sabbatical would be a good idea for him, and to make things worse he’d stopped sleeping about two weeks ago. 

Dick hadn’t been sleeping well since Jason had caught Rose in his apartment, but within the last two weeks he’s only managed to catch a couple hours of sleep here and there. Honestly, he was surprised he was functioning as well as he was. He knew he needed sleep, and he knew that if he didn’t get it he’d become a risk on patrol, but he couldn’t with the guilt eating away at him. He needed to talk to Jason. That was the only way anything would get better. But that wasn’t going to happen because Tim was being a stubborn ass and refusing to give Dick any sort of information on Jason.

“I’ve called him,” Tim had practically growled one night after Dick had spent the better part of an hour trying to get Jason’s number or address from the younger man. “He doesn’t want to talk to you.”

“Please, Timmy. I _have_ to talk to him. I have to explain what happened…”

“You mean explain why you _told_ him that something happened?” Tim had stopped abruptly in his walk down the hall and it’d caused Dick to run into him. The older bird hadn’t even recovered from hitting the younger’s back before Tim was turned around and pointing an accusing finger at his older brother. “He told me what you said to him that night, Dick. He had tried to wait for an explanation. Didn’t he? He’d _asked_ what was going on and you told him that ‘it was obvious’. You told Jason, with Rose standing by you in nothing but one of your shirts, that it was obvious what was going on, and yet you told _us_ that nothing happened.”

“I…I…”

“You’re lying to one of us. Either something happened or it didn’t. It can’t be both.”

Dick had hesitated in his reply and Tim had turned to continue down the hall before he did manage to say anything.

“Baby bird,” Dick had all but whispered, his voice hoarse and his throat tight from hearing Tim speak the truth, “Does Bruce…”

“Know that you lied? No. I haven’t told him. Or Damian. Or Alfred, for that matter. I promised Jason that I wouldn’t. But I’m no longer on your side. I’m done helping you get him back. I thought this could have all been a misunderstanding, but now I see that Jason was right all along. You really did cheat on him with Rose.”

“We weren’t dating!”

And that was probably the worst thing Dick could have yelled at that possible moment because Tim just shook his head sadly at him and said, “Yes, you were.”

Dick glance over at his phone, he wanted so desperately for it to ring and for Jason to be on the other end of the line. He picked up the phone and stared at its blank screen, willing it to light up with Jason’s name.

In two weeks it’d be Christmas. That meant that in two weeks Alfred would be making the most mouthwatering family feast ever and that, because of him, there would once again be an empty plate at the dinner table that night.

Dick had considered it a victory the year before when he’d managed to talk Jason into coming home for Christmas. The Red Hood had still been on pretty bad terms with Bruce at the time but things had been getting better so Dick had decided to take a risk and see if he could get Jason to come back to the manor for Christmas diner. With Alfred’s help, he’d succeeded and Jason and Bruce acted civil to each other the whole night. He’d hoped, at the time, that it was a sign that the following years to come would be good ones. Now he was thinking he, himself, was a bad omen. After all, how many relationships had he had that actually turned out fine?

Zero. The answer was zero.

When he was thirteen he’d dated Zatanna for a brief time but that had merely been a teen romance and wasn’t destined to grow into anything more. Then there was Liu, who he’d really liked and had been the first person he’d ever slept with. At seventeen, he’d thought she was destined to be the love of his life, but again fate had other plans. Which he found out when she’d revealed that she’d only been with him so she could gain access to WayneTech.

He’d had a very, very short relationship with Wally West, but that’d been before Artemis and even Zatanna. It’d been an experimental thing that’d ended within a couple weeks, as soon as Artemis joined the team. Wally hadn’t seemed to like Artemis at first but it quickly became apparent to Dick that there was chemistry between the two, so he’d backed off to let his friend have a chance with the girl he’d one day marry.

After Liu, there’d been more than a few lovers, but none of them really mattered again until Barbara Gordon. Dick had been so sure that they’d work out. He’d even proposed. She’d accepted and then six months before they were supposed to get married she ended things.

“It’s not you, Dick, it’s me. I just don’t think this is the right move for us.”

Then there was Kory. Koriand’r. Starfire. She’d been his longest lasting relationship by far. They’d been on again, off again, but they’d never stopped caring for the other. She was the second person he asked to marry him and the second one to say yes and then claim mission abort only a few months before the wedding. She was the reason he never wanted to get engaged again.

“It’s not you, Dick, it’s me. You’re a great guy, but I can’t marry you.”

Of course, he and Rose also had an on again, off again relationship, which was now officially –once and for all –off. He was really regretting the last time it was on, though.

“It’s not you, Dick, it’s me. I just couldn’t live with myself if I came between you and him.”

It’s not you, Dick, it’s me…maybe it _was_ him. Maybe it’d never been them. Ever. Maybe it’d always been him. He’s pretty damn sure that Jason thinks it’s him.

A strong, sturdy knock at his bedroom door had Dick stuffing his phone into the pocket of the blue sweat pants he was wearing. With bare feet, he padded across the plush carpet of his room and opened the door to find the grey-haired butler standing there with perfect posture and a tray of milk and cookies in his hands.

“Master Dick, I thought you might be hungry,” Alfred spoke in his proper, British accent.

Dick tried his best to muster up a smile, but he failed as it turned into more of a grimace. “Thanks, Al, but I’m not that hungry.”

A grey eyebrow was raised. “As you were not that hungry at dinner, or lunch, or breakfast, or dinner the night before. Master, Richard, skipping meals is an unhealthy habit to form. Coupled with insomnia, it is a matter to be concerned over.”

“I’m fine,” Dick argued.

“I beg to differ,” Alfred stood in the doorway a moment longer, tray held out for Dick, before giving an exasperated sigh. “Very well, Master Dick. If you do not wish to eat, at least get out of your room. I have not seen you anywhere in the manor, outside of your room and the cave, in a month. Your brothers are having a movie night in the screening room. You should join them.”

“With Tim and Damian picking? They’ll spend the next two hours arguing over what movie to watch until one of them either retreats or storms off to stop themselves from committing homicide. No movie will actually be watched, Al,” Dick grinned.

“I believe they’ve agreed upon a movie tonight.”

“Really?”

“Yes. One of yours and Master Jason’s favorites. The Taken trilogy,” Alfred informed.

The grin that Dick had forced himself to wear slid off his face. Taken had been one of Jason’s favorite movies. Jason was convinced that if he ever became a dad and his kid was kidnapped that he’d be just like Liam Neeson. He’d been the one to introduce the Batfamily to the movies.

Dick felt his stomach twist.

“I think I’ll pass, but thanks for the invite,” he didn’t wait to see if Alfred would respond and he only felt a tad bit guilty of shutting the door in the older man’s face. Okay, he felt really guilty, but he wasn’t going to admit it aloud. He already had too much guilt on his plate. Worrying about whether or not he hurt Alfred’s feelings was not something he needed. Yet, he couldn’t stop it.

He growled at himself. His hands clenched at is sides. With a sound somewhere between a scream and a groan he punched the wall, next to the door. The drywall cracked and gave way beneath his fist, opening up clear to the other side of the wall. Dick removed his hand, white dust falling off it as he slowly uncurled his knuckles. A semi bald head and a familiar mustached face peered through the new hole, at Dick.

“Master Dick. When I requested that you leave your room, I did mean your entire body leave it, not just your fist.”

Dick rubbed at the back of his neck. Maybe Alfred was right and he needed to get out of the room for a bit. Out of the manor sounded even better.

“Sorry, Al,” He swiped his keys and wallet from the jacket hanging by his door. “I’ll fix it when I get back.”

“You’re going out?”

“Yeah, I think you’re right. I need some fresh air.”

With shoes slipped on and an old Gotham Academy hoodie pulled over his head, he slipped out of his room, throwing Alfred one of his signature grins over his shoulder. “Don’t wait up.”

Alfred watched him walk away with a raised eyebrow.

When Dick reached the garage he was intent on finding his blue Maserati and driving to Bludhaven to spend the night away from Gotham. Maybe he’d even stop at a bar. Instead, when he reached his car he found Bruce, leaning against it with his cell phone pressed to his ear.

“He’s here. Thank you, Alfred.” 

“Oh, come on,” Dick shifted his weight, fighting the urge to turn around and go back to his room.  “Holy intervention, Batman. First Alfred, now you?”

Bruce didn’t respond. He merely slipped his phone into his jacket pocket and remained firmly planted against the driver’s door of Dick’s car.

“What do you want? I left my room! You want me to eat a cookie? Is that what you want?”

Still Bruce didn’t say anything.

“Right, right, I know I’m off my game. Dick, you could have been killed last night. You weren’t paying attention. You need to be more aware of your surroundings. Sleep deprivation dulls the senses. Robin had to save your ass,” Dick mocked the lecture he was sure Bruce had been waiting to give him.

“Language,” was Bruce’s short response, which Dick ignored as he continued.

“I’m sorry, okay? I know I haven’t been on my A game. I know Damian and Tim had to save my ass several times this last week. I’m looking into sleeping pills and I’ll have a cookie or two when I get back. Okay?”

“Alfred wants me to talk you into therapy,” Bruce stated as if he hadn’t heard anything Dick had just said.

“Funny, he’s asked me to do the same thing to you before.”

“He’s worried about you,” Bruce paused. He cleared his throat and straightened up. His tense posture and straight face made Dick recall a moment from months ago when Jason had said that Bruce didn’t do the whole sappy sentimental thing. It was a bat thing. None of them were all that good with emotions. They either didn’t know how to show them or didn’t know how to control them.

“We’re all worried about you,” Bruce finished. “Your behavior has been unusual. Is this still about Jason?”

“Yes…” now it was Dick’s turn to pause. “No. It’s about him, but it’s about me too.”

“Explain?”

Dick shook his head. “Don’t you have better things to do than try to have a heart-to-heart with me? We both know this kind of thing makes you uncomfortable. If it helps, you aren’t my real dad so you’re not obligated to endure these kind of things.”

Dick’s words drew a frown from the older, broader man. “You think this is about obligation? Richard, you _are_  my son. I am not good at having heart-to-heart moments, but that does not mean that I don’t want them. I care about you as much as I care about your brothers and Alfred. If they were acting like you have been I’d do the same thing to them. I am not doing this because I feel obligated, but because I want to know what is wrong with my child.”

Dick rolled his eyes.

“I asked your brothers if they knew what was wrong. Damian thinks you’re pouting. Tim, on the other hand, seems to think there is more to the story then you told us. Is this true?”

“I thought he promised Jason he wouldn’t tell you,” Dick spoke through clenched teeth.

Both of Bruce’s brows shot into his hairline and a small, amused smile tugged at the corner of his lips. It was so small that no one but a Robin or Alfred would have noticed it.

“He didn’t tell me anything, just that he thought there might be more going on. Your reaction tells me that there is.”

Dick shifted his weight again and shrugged. He kept his gaze down. This was not something he wanted to admit aloud. He had a hard enough time admitting it to himself.

“Richard?” Bruce prompted.

Dick mumbled.

“Open your mouth when you talk.”

“Am stricat în jurul cu Rose Wilson,” Dick spoke in Romanian.

“In English,” Bruce growled in what was almost his Batman voice.

Dick hesitated. Took a deep breath. Then, “I messed around with Rose Wilson.”

“I see,” Bruce stated. “And you felt the need to lie to your family about this why?”

“I hurt Jason. I knew that after just getting him back you’d be mad at me for chasing him away.”

“I’m not mad at you, chum. I _am_ disappointed that you didn’t tell me the truth the first time.”

“I’m sorry. I was just so ashamed. I…Bruce, I didn’t mean for it to happen. And I know that’s not an excuse! When she came over, soaked from the rain and frantic, I really was just going to help her out as a friend. I gave her one of my shirts to wear and she went to take a shower. She was getting dressed in my room and I thought she was still in the bathroom. I walked in on her,” Dick worried his bottom lip with his teeth. “When I saw her…I was an idiot. I made a mistake and it cost me Jason.”

“Did you sleep with her?”

“No. We made out, felt each other up, but Jason showed up before we went any farther,” Blue eyes once again found the floor of the garage as a pang of guilt tore through his heart. “We would have though, if he hadn’t shown up. I was literally between her legs when I heard him arrive. I’ve tried to tell myself that it doesn’t count as cheating because Jason and I never made our relationship official. We’d never sat down and had that talk about whether the relationship was really a relationship or not. We just sort of…dated without defining it.”

“But you feel guilty about being with her.”

Dick nodded. “We were dating, Bruce. Whether we said so or not. We were acting like a couple. What I did…Bruce, I cheated on him.”

Bruce gave a curt nod. “You did, but it’s in the past. You can’t change the past, but you can decide what happens next.”

The Wayne patriarch reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small, folded piece of paper. Handing it to Dick, he said, “Call him,” before going to leave the garage.

Dick stared down at the paper in his hand for a moment before opening it. There, written in smudged black ink, was a phone number with Jason’s name scrawled above it and, for the first time in months, he smiled.


	7. His Reason to Answer

 It was cold in Star City. Not nearly as cold as it’d be in Gotham, though. Gotham had harsh winters. There was never just a skiff of snow on the ground in Gotham.  There was always at least five inches worth of the disgustingly wet flakes. They’d get everywhere. They’d stick to everything. Normally it was impossible for a Gotham resident to step foot outside in winter without getting snow all over them.

          Snow was something Jason didn’t miss. He could do without having to wear an overly heavy coat to fend off Jack Frost’s breath. Yet, the cold without the snow felt off. It felt meaningless.

There was snow in the forecast, of course. Star City was due for a few inches. Not much by Gotham standards but enough that it might make the city feel a bit more Christmas like. Yet, the forecast did nothing to help Jason’s mood.

          He’d spent all day working at the mechanic shop on a minivan that wasn’t worth the scrap metal it was made of. He tried his hardest but he’d been unable to fix the death trap and had to recommend to the single mother of five that owned it, that she needed to invest in a new car. He’d been able to tell right away that his words weren’t the ones she’d wanted to hear. She’d been crestfallen. Her mascara was smudged and underneath the trench coat she wore he knew there was nothing but a skimpy set of clothes. For, he’d seen her at the bar he frequented. She was one of the dancers there. One of the strippers he’d drunkenly slipped a dollar bill into the panties of. She wasn’t much older than him and had five young kids. He felt bad. Really bad.

As the mother had left the shop with a forced brave face, Jason had already known what he’d be doing as soon as he got off work that night. He punched his time card, drove down to the nearest good car dealership, pulled out his rarely used debt card for his Wayne bank account, and bought the woman a car. He’d parked it outside her work and left a note for her saying that it was from a secret Santa.

He just couldn’t leave her carless. Not with knowing about her kids and seeing the frustrated, determined look in her oldest son’s eyes when he heard Jason say they needed a new car. He knew that look –he’d worn that look –and if he hadn’t bought the woman a car he was sure as hell that one would have been stolen from the used car lot in the near future.

As he closed and locked his apartment door he hoped that he’d just helped steer that kid away from a life of theft. He wouldn’t have even blamed the kid if he _had_ ended up stealing the car. He knew how rough the streets were and what it was like to want to take care of a mother in a bad situation.

“I should have got the kid’s name,” he muttered to himself as he opened his fridge to grab a beer. There was only one brown bottle left on the shelf. He’d have to make a trip to the grocer in the morning…or to a liquor store later that night, if he wasn’t able to pass out with how tired he was after only one drink.

He flopped down on his couch and lolled his head to the side. The sky outside his living room window was as grey as steel wool. The clouds were particularly low that day. Heavy with snow, no doubt, and there’d been no sign of the sun since two days before. He could hear the wind whistling through the crack in the window pane and contemplated fixing it with duct tape. It didn’t matter how much he contemplated it, however, he still wasn’t going to move to fix it.

The couch was warm and the sound of the wind was so familiar that if he closed his eyes he could forget for a few moments that he was in Star City. He could almost imagine that he was back home in his dingy little apartment with Roy in Gotham City. They’d be having a couple beers, maybe be playing poker, while the news played soundlessly on the television. There’d probably be a few empty pizza or take out boxes nearby. If it was one of Roy’s nights to have Lian, she’d be running around them as they played at the coffee table in their living room.

Or maybe he’d be at the manor. It was unlikely, but he had spent last Christmas there so maybe Alfred would have convinced him to come back that year too. It would make for an awkward situation, though, as he was sure that Dick would be attending the annual Batfamily holiday get together. Dick loved Christmas and the family too much to skip out on such an event. Jason, however, could live without it. Or he thought he could. He’d lived without it for all the years between his resurrection and Dick pulling him back into the Batfamily. Which made him wonder why it was so hard for him now.

He’d never missed spending the holiday with the Wayne’s before. He’d missed Alfred’s cooking, sure, but never the events. The Wayne Christmas Ball was always a bore. A bunch of socialites sipping on champagne and parading around the manor in jewels and fancy attire.  There were a lot of fake smiles that night and even more fake laughs.

And decorating the manor? God, that took forever! It wasn’t even an all-day event. It was an _all week_ event. Alfred would have everyone help him pull the boxes of decorations from the attic. Bruce would give his sons instructions to pick out a Christmas tree. Dick, Tim, and Damian would come home with the largest, greenest tree they could fine and then proceed to argue as they tried to wrestle the tree into its stand and set it up. Of course, the tree would be so tall that it’d hit the chandelier and Alfred would scold the boys on what would happen to them if that year happened to be the year they broke said chandelier.

Then would come the tinsel, the lights, the bulbs, the ornaments, the candy canes, the tree skirt, the train and track that’d they’d later build a tunnel of presents for, and the endless attempts to strangle each other with garland. Oh, yeah, Jason would be just fine without all that.

He’d be fine without the freshly baked chocolate chip cookies and hot chocolate that would come later too. He’d also be fine without hearing Alfred whistle his favorite Christmas tunes as he baked all sorts of goodies in the kitchen…Jingle bells as he made sugar cookies, Jolly Ol’ Saint Nick as he made icing, Rudolf as he prepared the candies for the gingerbread house, and Frosty the snowman was where he’d manage to pick up a couple Robins to sing with him.

No, Jason was _not_ missing the manor. He was _not_ missing Gotham. It was just the goddamn weather.

Jason almost growled at himself. He shouldn’t have come back to his apartment that night. He should have stayed at the bar after leaving the car there. One of the strippers would have cheered him up and a couple of beers would have helped him loosen up. Instead he was parked on his couch, staring at the pile of unwrapped presents in the corner of his living room. If you could call two presents a pile.

He’d found an old cookbook in the window of an antique shop on his way to work one day and he’d thought of Alfred. He’d had to go back to the store when he was on break to buy it for there was no one in the world who’d appreciate the treasure more than Alfred would.

Then Jason thought that if he was going to send Alfred a Christmas gift he should probably send Tim one too. After all, in the past months Tim had been a loyal friend. He kind of liked talking to the little bird every other day or so, and knowing that Tim wouldn’t do anything to compromise his whereabouts. So, he made a stop at a tech store and used his Wayne account debt card to purchase the latest tablet for baby bird. He had no doubt that Tim would make many modifications to the tablet that would turn it into his own personal universal remote control for the world, but he felt confident that the gift would be appreciated.

Staring at the two presents now, he knew that he needed to get them mailed soon. Christmas was only two weeks away, after all. But should he send them to the manor or to Tim’s pent house? Probably the manor. That’s where Tim would be for the next few weeks anyway.

Tim was helping host the Christmas Ball that year, as the face of Wayne Enterprises, alongside Bruce. Plus, he’d be sticking around for the family’s personal party. The last time they talked, Tim had even mentioned hosting a charity ball for New Years.

“I know it’s really soon after the Christmas Ball,” Tim had stated, “But the New Year’s Ball will be all about personal donations instead of checks. You know? Bruce and I are encouraging the guests to donate their old fur coats and such for the poor. I’ll be going out the week after to distribute the donations.”

“At the homeless shelters?” Jason had asked.

“No. I’m going to walk the alleys. Hit up the burn barrels and the makeshift shelters.”

“Good idea.”

Yeah, he should probably just send the gifts to the manor. Maybe he should get one for the demon spawn too…and for Bruce. He was sure that Bruce had already tracked him down and was just being polite enough to stay away. After all, he’d used his Wayne account card a lot recently and he happened to know that Bruce still kept accurate records on all of the Robins' accounts attached to the Wayne Empire.

“Hmmm,” Jason hummed to himself as he turned his beer bottle over in his hand. It was empty now. He should head to bed. Especially since his shift would start at six the next morning, with all the repairs the shop would be needing to get done before Christmas.

Jason tossed his empty bottle into the trash on his way to his bedroom. He stripped off his shirt and boots, leaving them in a pile by his bedroom door, and was debating on taking a shower when his phone rang. He let the phone go to voicemail, knowing that it was probably just Tim calling to check up on him, and grabbed a towel to shower with.

He tried not to think as he let the warm water from his shower run down his scar littered back. He soaped up his hair with half closed eyes and used one hand to support himself against the shower wall. A yawn escaped him as he was rinsing his hair and he got a mouth full of soapy water. Sputtering, he decided that enough was enough. He really did have to get to bed. Even if he knew that he’d be smelling Alfred’s cooking in his dreams that night.

“Fucking weather,” he cursed as he slipped on a pair of boxers and crawled into bed.

He plugged his phone in to charge on his nightstand and saw on the screen that he had a new voicemail. Had it been from Tim he would have left it until morning but it was from a number he didn’t recognize. The area code was a Gotham one, but the last seven digits were unfamiliar to him.

Yawning again, Jason checked the message and he almost choked on air when he heard Dick’s voice come through the line.

“Jason? Hey, uh, it’s Dick. Bruce gave me your number. He said I should call. I…” Dick gave a ragged sign. “I really need to talk to you, Jaybird.  When you get this, could you call me?”

Jason didn’t call back that night. In fact, he didn’t sleep that night. Despite how tired he was he couldn’t stop glaring at his phone.

How dare Dick call him. How dare he think he had the right to have a conversation with Jason. After what he did –after screwing Jason over –he was lucky that the worst Jason did was leave. He was lucky that the bullet Jason had placed in his shoulder hadn’t been a little lower and to the right.

Sill, Dick had sounded tired. He’d been breathy, like it was hard for him to breath. Was he hurt? Had he been calling while Alfred stitched him up? Had he been stabbed on patrol? Shot at? Had he miss calculated a jump and landed wrong? That last one was unlikely but Jason’s mind was coming up with every possible situation imaginable for the ragged sigh Dick had given and the strained voice he’d spoken with.

Jason worked his shift at the shop on auto pilot. His mind was too occupied by Dick’s message to fully concentrate on his work. Luckily, he’d fixed enough vehicles in his time to know what he was doing without having to pay too much attention.

After work, he decided he needed to forget the message. Dick wasn’t in his life anymore. Dick had probably already moved on and was living with Rose Wilson. Who knew, maybe the two were engaged. Dick did seem to get engaged a lot.

Jason swung into the antique store on his way home from work and the pile of two presents became a pile of three. Damian was sure to like the Katana Jason found for him. Shipping it might be a pain though.

Dick called again that night. This time Jason purposely missed it and refused to listen to the message until the next morning, _after_ he’d gotten sleep.

“Jay? Little Wing? It’s Dick. Please call me back. I understand if you’re still mad at me. Please, just give me a chance to explain. No, that’s not what I meant. Give me a chance to apologize? Yeah, that’s what I meant.”

Jason shut his phone off while he was at work that day and managed to pay attention when installing a new engine into a beat up Volvo. The pile of presents grew again that evening. Now Bruce had a new watch waiting to be sent to him.

Alfred…Tim…Damian…Bruce…he should get something for Roy too.

“Jay? Jason? I really hope this is your phone and I’m not leaving these messages on some random person’s cell. I’m really sorry for what I did and I’d like to talk to you about it.”

Dick continued to leave messages for a week and Jason never responded to them. He picked up a deck of cards, a pack of cigarettes, and a new bow for Roy. He’d been smoking only a pack a day until Dick started calling, but now he was up to two, so he had to buy three packs when he bought Roy’s.

On December 17th, he was half way done with his second pack of smokes for the day when Tim called for the fourth time that week to ask him to come home for Christmas.

“Come on, Jay, we really miss you. Alfred said he’ll even bake you your own tray of Christmas goodies if you come home this year.”

“Thanks for the offer, Timmy, but I think I’m spending this Christmas alone.”

“But we got you presents.”

“Mail ‘em. That’s what I’m doing with yours.”

He really did need to get the gifts in the mail.

 Alfred…Tim…Damian…Bruce…Roy…he was done shopping, he just needed to send them. If he paid extra for express mail they’d arrive at the manor in time for Christmas.

“Jason,” Tim groaned and then the phone must have been swiped out of his hand because the voice that came through next was much deeper and rougher.

“What do we have to do to get you home?” Bruce’s voice assaulted Jason’s ears.

“I’m not coming home,” Jason stated flatly.

“Alfred has your room ready for you. I can wire you a plane ticket or you can purchase one with your card.”

“Bruce,” Jason interrupted, “I can’t make it back this year.”

“Yes, you can. The only thing holding you there is your wish to avoid your broth…” Bruce cut himself off. “Your wish to avoid Dick.”

Jason shrugged, then realized Bruce wouldn’t be able to see the gesture over the phone. “Doesn’t matter why I’m staying here, I still am.”

“Jason Peter…”

“Don’t pull that on me, old man. You want me to come home then you’ll have to make Goldie disappear,” Jason stated with an unamused laugh, knowing that Bruce would never do as he suggested. At least, he thought he wouldn’t, until Dick’s message that night.

“Jason, you can come home now. I’m not at the manor anymore.”

That message set off a chain of events that Jason himself hadn’t been prepared for. He called Tim to accuse Bruce of kicking out his son after knowing that the last few times he done that Dick had disappeared for an extended period of time, but found out that Bruce hadn’t forced Dick away at all. Dick had left on his own accord and was, apparently, refusing all phone calls from the Batfamily and ignoring them on patrol. This lead Jason to giving in and trying to call the older bird himself.

“Hey, you’ve reached Dick Grayson. I can’t come to the phone right now but I’ll give you a ring as soon as I can.”

Jason tried calling him five times.  With each attempt he got the same result. No answer. Until the twelfth call.

After having his calls ignored five times, he set out to hear from Dick. Starting at four in the morning, when he knew Dick would be getting home from patrol, he bombarded his phone with calls.

Call six…no answer…

Call seven…no answer…

Call eight….no answer…

Call nine…no answer…

Call ten…no answer…

Call eleven…no answer.

Call twelve…

“What the hell? I’m trying to sleep!” Dick’s voice was groggy and heavy. Jason smirked at the thought of having woke the older bird up. He deserved a sleepless night after all the ones he’d given Jason.

“What the hell to you too,” Jason stated. “You can deal with a little insomnia to hear what I have to say after that last message you left me.”

“…Jason?”

“The one and only, big bird.”

“Jay…”

Jason fought back a shiver at the sound of his name coming from Dick in such a breathy way. Even after all the months apart Dick still affected him. This is why he’d been avoiding the older bird. He knew he'd fall for him all over again. Just like he had when he’d ran into him after being resurrected. The feelings he’d had for Dick since he was fourteen just kept coming back no matter how hard he tried to bury them.

“My turn to talk, Dickie bird. Why aren’t you at the manor?”

“You told Bruce you’d only come home if I wasn’t there. They want you back for Christmas and I’ve already screwed up enough. I’m not going to keep you from spending Christmas with your family. Alfred and I fought hard last year to get you to come home for Christmas and this year Bruce was looking forward to having you back.”

“So you left, assuming that I’d come back if you weren’t there? What if I don’t come back? You’ve just left Bruce and Alfred alone with Tim and Damian for the holidays. One of those little birds are going to end up dead.”

“Alfred will referee,” Dick stated.

Jason really didn’t like how tired Dick’s voice sounded. It wasn’t the kind of tired you got from missing a few nights of sleep. It was the exhaustion the seeped into one’s voice after being completely mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically drained. It was the voice of a broken man; of a man who was ready to give up. It was the same voice that Dick had used when Jason had comforted him all those months ago.

Jason gave a frustrated growl. “You don’t get to do this, Dick! You don’t get to leave so I’ll come home. If I go home now that you’ve left, I’m the bad guy, because I’m the guy that caused you to leave.”

“You’re not the bad guy here, Jay. I am. They know that.” There was a pause and then, “They know everything. I told them how I cheated on you. How when Rose came over I…”

“Fucked her like there was no tomorrow?”

“…No…I was going to say…it doesn’t matter what I was going to say. Jason, I screwed up. I screwed up bad.”

“Yeah. I know. I was there.”

“I tried to tell myself that I didn’t cheat on you. I tried to justify my actions by saying that you and I weren’t a couple.”

“We never made it official,” Jason admitted and found himself sinking into his couch cushions. In all honesty, he’d spent the past months going over the events that had led him to Star City and he’d started to question if he’d been too harsh on Dick. Maybe he was at fault for over reacting. Maybe he shouldn’t have gotten so angry at Dick for wanting to be with Rose. After all, like Dick said, they hadn’t _actually_ been dating.

“That doesn’t matter. You were coming over to my place almost every night. We were watching movies while cuddling. We kissed. We drank beers, and laughed, and flirted. We even made out a couple times, remember?”

“I don’t know if you can count that as making out. We barely groped each other and I’m pretty sure tongue was only used twice.”

“That’s beside the point. We were acting like a couple and we were a couple. I knew you loved me and I knew that I had feelings for you too. I was stupid to throw us away over a pair of long legs.” Dick took a shaky breath. “Jason, the night you caught me with Rose, I’d been waiting for you to show up. I was looking forward to spending the night with you. I wanted to watch moves and cuddle. I was hoping to even maybe take things a little bit further. I’d been making sure I had plenty of beer when Rose showed up. She was drenched from the rain and crying. She said that her father was after her. I only wanted to help.”

“Dick…”

“I gave her some of my clothes and told her to take a shower. I was going to let her stay in the guest room and help her get away from Slade. I went into my room to get my phone, to text you and tell you that she was there, when I walked in on her changing. My shirt was hanging off her shoulders and her long legs were shimmering with water droplets and I….”

“Dick, I don’t need to hear this.”

“No, you do. I should have told you this months ago. You deserve to know what happened.”

“What if I don’t want to know?”

Dick hesitated and Jason heard him let out another shaky breath. He wondered if Dick was tugging at his hair or worrying his bottom lip with his teeth.

“Then I’ll stop,” Dick finally answered. “If that’s what you want.”

Jason did want to know, but he didn’t want to know all the little details. He didn’t want to hear Dick describing how Rose looked or how much he’d longed to touch her soft skin. He didn’t want to know what it’d been like for Dick to tangle his hands in Rose’s long golden curls. He just wanted to know the basics.

“Go on, but I don’t need the details.”

“Right,” Dick relented. “When I saw Rose I kept thinking about when we use to fool around. I tried to shake it off but she started flirting and then I started flirting and…one thing lead to another…”

“And you fucked her.”

“No. No, Jason. I didn’t. I kissed her, I made out with her, I felt her, but I didn’t go any farther. That doesn’t make what I did right though. Especially since I was about to...You’re going to hate me for this, but when you showed up I was laying between her legs, ready to go all the way with her.”

Jason didn’t say anything. He felt his heart ache. He’d known that something had happened between Dick and Rose for months but hearing Dick say it hurt more than he thought it would.

“I know I can’t fix what I did, but I had to say that I’m sorry.”

“Shut up,” Jason found his voice. “No, you can’t fix this, but that doesn’t mean you can run away on Christmas. You need to go back to the manor.”

“But you…”

“I’ll come back if you do,” Jason stated. “We can have a nice holiday. We’ll be civil and pretend that nothing ever happened between us. We’ll smile and entertain the family. Then afterwards I’ll come back here and you’ll stay in Gotham.”

“And I won’t hear from you again for months?”

“Probably,” Jason answered honestly.

Dick was quiet for a few moments. “What if you stayed and I left?”

Jason groaned. “Stop it! You always do this self-sacrificing thing whenever one of us Robins seems to be in trouble. I don’t want you to leave Gotham, Dickie. You have more of a life there then I ever did. You have a job on the police force and you moonlight as Batman. Gotham will notice if Nightwing disappears.”

“I’m not a cop anymore and Bruce has the Robins to help him with the city. Gotham will be fine without me.”

“What do you mean you’re not a cop anymore?” Jason asked, his brow furrowing. He knew Dick loved his job at the station. Why would he ever give it up?

“I’m not a cop anymore. Something happened and I’m taking a required sabbatical. After it’s up I’m turning in my official resignation.”

“What happened?”

“It’s not important. What matters is that I’m going to be looking for work anyway so I might as well leave and start fresh.”

Jason groaned. “We could argue about this all night, but it comes down to this...Are you willing to go back to the manor and play house for the holidays?”

“If it means I get to see you again, yeah,” there was a hint of a smile to Dick’s voice and it caused Jason’s shoulders to relax.

“I’ll see you soon then.”

Jason had ended the call directly after that and after another night of no sleep he had a bag packed and a plane ticket in hand.

Who was he kidding? He was never going to mail those gifts anyway. Might as well hand deliver them.


	8. His Reason For Distance

He could have flown first class. If he had really wanted to. Coach was fine though. More than fine. Even during his tenure as Robin he hadn’t been comfortable with the perks of first class. He supposed it came from spending his early years on the streets. It’d taken him months to get use to the big, plush bed Bruce had given him at the manor and even longer to get use to not having to worry where his next meal was coming from. He didn’t think he’d ever get use to first class. He always felt like an imposture when sitting in the cushy seats and sipping on a flute of bubbly. Which was why he’d selected a coach ticket when purchasing a flight to Gotham.

A mother with dark lines under her eyes sat behind him. Her squirming child sat in the seat next to her. The child was cranky and the mother had stopped scolding and started begging an hour ago. Still the child squirmed and kneed the guy seated beside Jason in the back.

Jason smirked as his neighbor frowned and muttered a curse. The man was only one more knee away from ripping the headphones out of his ears and turning around to give the child a piece of his mind.

Down the aisle the flight attendant was talking to a young couple who’d just come out of the bathroom together. There was no doubt in Jason’s mind what they’d been doing in there. He almost wished he was close enough to hear whatever excuse they were giving the flight attendant, who was clearly not a believer of their tale.

Jason had left his window open so he could watch as the plane flew through the clouds. He’d noticed a minute ago that the plane had dropped in altitude. After a glance at the clock hanging near the pilot’s cabin, he determined that they must be nearing Gotham. They’d be landing shortly and then he’d be looking for Alfred in the sea of people eager to leave the airport.

He’d contacted Tim before he left Star City that morning, intending to talk the younger bird into picking him up from the airport when his plane landed. Instead, he’d been given a promise that Alfred would be there.

“I wish I could, but I have some last-minute details to attend to for the Christmas Ball tonight. I should also inform Bruce that you’ve decide to come. He’ll want to make sure you have a proper tux for the event.”

“Can’t I skip the ball and hide in my room instead?” Jason had asked with a smirk.

“No! I have to give a speech tonight. I’d like for you to be there to hear it. Plus, I may need a bodyguard against Damian. He’s still angry at me for convincing Bruce to keep the ball at the manor this year, instead of moving it to Wayne Tower. I think he’s mad because I made it harder for him to sneak away from the party unnoticed.”

“I don’t think you have to worry about him at the ball,” Jason had stated. “The demon spawn isn’t stupid enough to try and kill you in public. Bruce would rip him a new one if he caused any problems with the press around.”

Tim had hummed in response. “I suppose. I’d still like you there.”

Jason had swung his bag over his shoulder as he walked through Star City airport and responded with, “Then I’ll be there, Timmy. I’ve got to go. I’m getting close to security and my flight will be leaving soon. Don’t let Al forget to pick me up.”

“When has Alfred ever forgotten anything?”

“Well, then, _you_ don’t forget to ask him to meet me.”

“I won’t. Promise.”

The landing in Gotham was one of the smoothest ones Jason had ever experienced and he knew the end of flight ritual the attendant would perform well enough to know that as the Plane drifted down the runway he shouldn’t rush to unbuckle the belt around his waist.

“Welcome to Gotham City, where the local time is approximately 5:46pm. We will be taxing for a few minutes, so please remain in your seat, with your seatbelt fastened, until the captain has parked us at the gate and has turned off the seatbelt sign,” the flight attendant started to speak. “Please use caution when retrieving your personal belongings from the overhead compartments, as contents do tend to shift during flight. On behalf of your crew, we thank you for flying with us today. We hope you have a great day in the Gotham area, or wherever your final destination may be, and a happy holiday season. Once inside, there will be signs directing you to the baggage, valet, and customer service areas.”

Jason did as he was directed to and waited until the plane was fully stopped and the seatbelt sign was turned off. He retrieved his backpack from the overhead compartment and followed the line of his fellow passengers that were exiting the plane. For good measure, he gave the flight attendant a wink on his way off the plane. He was secretly pleased at the color that flooded her cheeks upon his action.

It didn’t take long for Jason to weave his way through the crowd at the Gotham airport to reach the baggage area. Once he retrieved the bag of gifts he’d brought for his family –which he’d had to use a couple resources to get through security because of Damian’s gift –he scanned the crowd for the familiar half bald head of the Bat family’s butler. He spotted Alfred near the end of a line of chauffeurs holding up signs with all sorts of names on them. Though he didn’t need it, Alfred was holding a sign of his own that read, ‘Todd-Wayne.’

“Hey, Alfred,” Jason approached the butler with a greeting and a smile.

“Master Jason,” Alfred allowed the sign he was holding to fall to his side as he pulled Jason in for a one-armed hug before moving to take Jason’s bags from him.

Jason gave a light laugh and gently pushed Alfred’s hands away from hus baggage. “I’ve got it, Al.”

“It is my job, Master Jason,” Alfred responded with a stoic face and Jason allowed him to take the duffle bag with the gifts in it, for he knew that further protesting would only get him resistance from the butler. He kept his backpack of clothes on his back, though, as he followed Alfred out of the terminal.

The air outside the airport was frozen. Jason’s nose almost instantly became numb as his hair started to collect the tiny flakes falling from the heavens. He rubbed his hands together for a moment before pulling up the hood of his jacket and stuffing his hands into the warmth of the jacket’s pockets.

“What car did you bring?” Jason questioned. “Please tell me you didn’t bring the limousine.”

“No, sir,” Alfred gave a ghost of a smile. “I brought the Bentley.”

“Mmm,” Jason hummed. “The red one?”

“The red one,” Alfred confirmed, his smile only slightly more prominent.

“I love the red one.”

“I would hope so, since Master Bruce did purchase it with you in mind.”

Jason followed Alfred through the parking garage and to the bright, apple red Bentley. The car shone beneath the grated lights of the garage, like it’d just received a fresh coat of wax. He ran a hand down the side of the car as Alfred opened the trunk and stuck the duffle bag inside. Jason placed his backpack in with the duffle bag and Alfred closed the trunk.

“You should let me drive,” Jason stated as Alfred moved to open the passenger door for him.

One salt and pepper brow rose as Alfred tilted his head slightly. “I don’t know if I _should_ but I will allow it if you wish to.”

Jason grinned and took the keys Alfred held out for him. He went around and got in on the driver’s side as Alfred slid into the passenger seat. He could count on one hand the number of times he’d driven a car with Bruce in the passenger seat, but Alfred was a different matter.

When Jason had been fourteen, Alfred had taken it upon himself to prepare Jason for the world of driving. He’d pick Jason up from school and take him out of the city for an afternoon of driving before they returned home for an evening of homework and Robin training. By the time Jason was old enough to have a license, He’d already been chauffeuring the butler around town. It’d been one of his favorite things to do after school.

“When we arrive at the manor I will help carry your belongings to your room,” Alfred spoke as Jason gracefully drove them through the city. “I’m afraid you will need to begin readying for the Christmas Ball as soon as you are settled. Guests are set to arrive at eight. I took the liberty of procuring a tux for you, based on your last known measurements. It should fit.”

“I’m sure it will. You’ve never gotten my clothing size wrong before,” Jason answered.

“No, but I suppose there could be a first time for everything.”

“Not for that. You’re flawless in what you do, Alfred.”

“I am no such thing. Meticulous, I am. Flawless, I am not. No one is flawless.”

Jason and Alfred were silent for a while until they left the city behind them and were nearing Wayne Manor. They could see the old stone of the manor rising among the bare trees and snow covered grass. Many of the trees twinkled from the white lights that were draped over them like delicate pearl necklaces. The gate meant to block the driveway had evergreen garland wrapped around its wrought iron poles. Its doors were open wide so Jason was able to drive right through without pause.

“What time is Timmy’s speech?” Jason asked upon seeing a familiar blue Maserati pulled up in front of the manor. Why the vehicle wasn’t parked in the garage, he didn’t know, but he knew that he needed to know the schedule for the night’s events if he hoped to avoid the car’s owner as much as possible. He’d come back to the manor to spend Christmas with their family, but that didn’t mean that he was too keen on spending large amounts of time with the man who’d broken his heart.

“Hmm?” Alfred mussed. “I believe Master Bruce and Master Timothy are planning to address the guests at nine o’clock sharp.”

“You wouldn’t be needing any help in the kitchen tonight, would you?”

“And allow you the glorious opportunity to miss out on all the enlightening conversations of socialites? No. I will be fine.”

“Really? You don’t even need an extra hand to pour champagne?”

“Your father has hired enough staff for the night that all I must worry about is making sure none of them destroy my kitchen.”

“That’s great…I guess…,”Jason frowned.

“Master Jason,” Alfred stated as Jason pulled the red Bentley into the manor’s garage and parked it next to the black Bentley that was Bruce’s favorite, “If I may, while I am grateful for your offer to help me in the kitchen, you cannot hide from your problems. Helping me make shrimp puffs and pouring champagne will not solve your issues with Master Richard.”

“You knew that I was offering so I could hide?”

“Of course, I did. I know everything about you, boy.”

Jason had no doubt that Alfred did indeed know everything about him. While Jason and the younger birds had always joked that Dick was Bruce’s favorite, Dick and them had joked that Jason was Alfred’s. Jason wasn’t sure if there was any truth to either jeer, but he’d spent enough time helping Alfred around the manor for the butler to know him better than Jason knew himself.

Just as promised, Alfred helped the second Robin carry his belongings to his manor bedroom and Jason was relieved when he didn’t spot Dick anywhere along the way. As Alfred sat the duffle bag on the floor beside Jason’s bed, he instructed the young man to unpack and get dressed before dismissing himself to find the oldest bird and have him move his vehicle to the garage, where it belonged.

Jason hadn’t brought much with him to Gotham, knowing that he had an array of weapons hidden in his room at the manor, as well as some clothing in his old solid wood dresser. Slowly, he unpacked the clothing he did bring. He took his time hanging his favorite jacket up in the closet and folding his clothes to perfection before placing them in the dresser. He gathered his razor and other hygiene products in his arms before carefully placing them on the sink in the bathroom adjoined to his room.

There was already a set of red towels hanging on the rail beside the shower and a still wrapped bar of soap was sitting on a dish beside a couple bottles of shampoo and conditioner. Jason gave a short laugh when he noticed that the shampoo and conditioner was specifically designed for dyed hair. Leave it to Alfred to think of everything. He wouldn’t be shocked if he found a box of hair dye in the bathroom as well, which he did fine when he went to open the medicine cabinet to put away his shaving cream.

“Alfred, Alfred, Alfred,” Jason chanted with an amused smirk, shaking his head as he exited the bathroom. “You really are a meticulous bastard.”

Laying on the red comforter of his large, plushy bed was a black and white tux and a pair of polished black shoes. The red drapes of the room were pulled open, allowing Jason to watch as snow continued to fall around the manor, and he didn’t bother to close them as he began to strip away his clothing.

At approximately 7:15, Jason was straightening his bowtie when he heard a commotion in the hall. There was a series of hurried footsteps before his bedroom door shook as something made impact with it.

“I know you took it! What’d you do with it, brat?”

“What would I want with your sorry excuse for a speech, Drake?”

“You’re trying to ruin this for me!”

“I don’t have to try. You’ll ruin it yourself!”

Jason rolled his eyes as he opened his door. Promptly, Damian and Tim tumbled into his room. Tim was clutching the younger’s collar in his hands and Damian was staring up at him unfazed. Both boys blinked up at Jason when they realized they were laying in his doorway.

“Jason!” Tim was the first to get to his feet and was hugging his older brother before Damian was even making and attempt to right himself.

“Hey, Timmy,” Jason ruffled the younger’s hair. “You having a problem with the bat from hell?”

Tim pulled away from Jason so he could fold his arms and glare at their younger brother, who was now standing and brushing nonexistent dirt from his tux. “I went to look over my speech and it was missing.”

“I don’t have it,” Damian stated with a bored look, “and I don’t appreciate you interrupting my preening time.”

“Preening?” Jason inquired. The word sounded more suited for Grayson then Damian. The youngest bird would normally use grooming in its place. Tim would have used primping and Jason would have just called it getting ready. Dick, however, was too fond of making jokes to pass up on the opportunity of a bird pun.

“He’s been patrolling with Dick too much,” Tim stated in answer of Jason’s inquiry.

“Someone has to keep an eye on him,” Damian folded his arms and then frowned at the crease it was causing in his suit.

“Dickie’s a big boy,” Jason stated. “He’s capable of taking care of himself. You, however, are acting like a child. Don’t think I don’t realize you’re trying to change the subject. Where’s Timmy’s speech?”

“I don’t have it.”

“Liar.”

Tim grinned as Jason called the youngest bird out.

Damian rolled his eyes at the pink tongue that slipped out of the Red Robin’s mouth. “How mature, Drake. Resorting to childish antics and hiding behind big brother to get me to give you this,” he pulled a folded piece of notebook paper from within his suit jacket. “Really, I don’t see what all the fuss is about. There’s hardly anything in here that can even be considered a speech.”

Before Tim could retort, Jason swiped the paper from Damian’s hand and pushed the youngest bird out of his room. “Go finish _preening_.”

Jason promptly shut the door and handed Tim the folded paper.

“Thanks,” Tim stated. “He’s been trying to mess with me all day. Earlier he called the florist and convinced them that we didn’t order poinsettias. They tried to deliver pink roses instead.”

“Glad you got that fixed.”

“I didn’t. Bruce did. I was busy fixing tonight’s playlist after Damian had gone through and replaced every other song. I’m really glad I thought to test the playlist before the event. I should probably check it again.”

“I’m sure it’s fine. Let Bruce and Alfred worry about the last-minute details,” Jason fixed Tim’s bowtie, which was slightly crooked.

“He always does this though. I’ve made an effort to be nicer to him, yet he still treats me like I’m not even a member of this family.”

“That’s just how baby bat shows he cares.”

“That’s a messed up way to show someone you care.”

“Yeah, well, he comes from a fucked up family.”

Tim smiled. “Yeah, we are pretty dysfunctional.”

“That’s at our best.”

“We could be worse though.”

“Yeah, we could be,” Jason agreed, dusting lent off Tim’s shoulders.

Tim unfolded his speech as Jason went to his mirror to make sure his appearance was acceptable. He took a seat on the edge of his older brother’s bed as he read over his own handwriting, silently mouthing the words.

“I keep worrying that I’m going to forget what I want to say when Bruce introduces me,” Tim stated after he’d read over his speech a few times. “Dick told me not to worry about it and that all I really have to do is smile and raise my glass of champagne.”

Jason snorted, “And that’s why he doesn’t give speeches.”

Tim cracked a smile. “I guess so.”

“You’ll do fine, baby bird,” Jason assured. “Have a little confidence.”

A succession of three quick rasps on the door had both Jason and Tim turning their attention.

“Yes?” Jason called out to the visitor, hoping that the stiff rhythm of the knocks meant that it was Alfred standing on the other side of the door and not Dick.

“Master Bruce has requested a status report,” Alfred’s voice allowed Jason to let out a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding.

“Tell him we’re ready,” Tim responded. “Damian may still be preening, though.”

“Preening, sir?”

“His words. Not ours,” Tim grinned at Jason.

“Do us a favor and be sure to use that exact word when you check up on him?” Jason requested.

“I shall do my best, sirs,” Alfred stated and then Jason assumed he left because no other words followed.

“We should get down stairs,” Tim remarked after a few moments. “I really do need to check the playlist one last time and make sure that all the hors d’oeuvres haven’t suddenly gone missing, or some other catastrophe hasn’t occurred.”

Jason chuckled. “You know I have your back, but, if it’s all the same, I think I’ll hang out here until the party starts.”

“If you’re worried about running into Dick, he’s been hiding in his room since he got here this morning. I doubt you’ll see him at all until the ball starts,” Tim stated.

“Don’t really want to take the chance, baby bird.”

“You can’t hide from him forever. You said you’d be here through Christmas. That’s almost a whole week of hiding. You’re going to see him at meals and on Christmas day.”

“And I’ll play nice when I do, but for now I’d like to pretend he doesn’t exist.”

 “Why?”

“You know why.”

“I know he hurt you, but putting distance between yourself and him isn’t going to help solve anything.”

“Maybe not, but it’ll prevent him from hurting me any further.”

Tim was silent in understanding. He knew it’d been hard for Jason to admit his feelings for Dick almost a year ago, and after Dick had broken his heart Jason had become unwilling to allow the older man back into his life. The second Robin hadn’t ever had the best of lives and earning his trust was hard. He couldn’t imagine how hard Dick would have to work to get back the trust he’d thrown away, but Tim couldn’t say that he blamed Jason. If Conner had done the same thing to Tim that Dick had done to Jason, he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to forgive him either.

After a few moments of contemplation, Tim stood to leave. Before closing the door behind him, he said, “If you change your mind, I’ll be down stairs.”

At 8:00 Jason could hear Tim’s perfected playlist playing through the manor speakers. The chatting of guests floated up the stairs and filled the halls, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave his room just yet. He had to wait and make sure Dick would already be at the party when he left his room. As much as he didn’t want to spend prolonged amounts of time with the older bird, he didn’t want to spend time alone with him even more.

When 8:15 came around, he was still fidgeting with his tie and hair. He fixed his jacket, dusted away lent that wasn’t there, and examined his shoes for scuff marks. He did anything and everything possible to keep away from the party.

By 8:30, the Wayne annual Christmas Ball was in full swing and Alfred had been sent to retrieve him.

“Master Jason,” Alfred had entered Jason’s room without even knocking. The concerned lines on the older man’s head had Jason rubbing at the back of his neck in guilt. “Master Bruce wishes to know if you are planning on gracing us with your presence tonight.”

“Eh,” Jason laughed shortly. “Yeah. I’ll be down in a minute.”

“I will wait for you,” Alfred stood in the doorway.

Seeing that Alfred wasn’t going to return to the party without him, Jason took a deep breath.

“It’s now or never,” he told himself. He had to face Dick at some point, it might as well be in a crowd of people where he could jump into a boring socialite conversation if he needed to escape.

He got lucky for the first thirty minutes he was at the Christmas Ball. Jason stuck to the outskirts of the crowd of guests, favoring the corners of Wayne Manor and sipping on the flute of champagne Alfred had practically forced into his hand. He was counting the minutes until Tim’s speech and hoping he’d be lucky enough to escape the party afterwards without having to run into Dick even once during the night.

As 9:00 neared, Jason’s teal gaze was anxiously jumping from person to person in the crowd. Still no sign of Dick and soon he’d be able to leave without Tim complaining. Just a few more minutes and he’d be safe.

There was the sound of clinking on glass and Jason turned his attention to the stairs, where Bruce and Tim were standing side by side. It was then that Jason caught sight of Dick for the first time that night.

The older bird was standing near the bottom of the stairs, with a hand resting on Damian’s shoulder. His hair was a bit longer than Jason remembered it being but his eyes were the same unforgettable bottle blue. He felt his mouth go dry as his eyes raked over the older man’s form. Dick’s shoulders were loose and he was leaning on Damian as if the younger boy was his arm rest. Damian was glaring up at him.

Dick’s signature bright smile was plastered on his face and Jason couldn’t help but notice how well the tux he wore fit him. The clothing had obviously been tailored for him. If Jason hadn’t known Dick as well as he did he wouldn’t have noticed how the cufflinks the oldest bird was wearing were the same color as his eyes and the stripe on his Nightwing uniform.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I want to thank you all for coming tonight,” Bruce’s deep, but playful voice that he used for social gatherings flittered to Jason’s ears and drew him out of his thoughts. Bruce was smiling, like he often did when playing the part of Bruce Wayne, playboy billionaire, and had one hand clasped on Tim’s shoulder while the other was holding his flute of champagne up for everyone to see. “This year has been a good one for Wayne Enterprises and I haven’t been more proud of all the work my employees have put in. When my father founded this company he set out to change the world and today we continue to strive to make his dream a reality by developing technology that will help humanity thrive.  I am as proud of my company as I am of my son who has been running it.”

Bruce squeezed Tim’s shoulder in an affectionate manner and Jason caught the flash of a press camera going off in his peripheral vison.

“When I placed Timothy in office, I knew he’d lead the company to even greater heights than I could dream of. I am proud to say that he has done just that and that tonight, in front of all of you, I have the honor of introducing to you your future C.E.O and current lead manager of Wayne Enterprises’ applied science division, Timothy Jackson Drake-Wayne.”

There was a loud round of applause and Tim held up his own flute of champagne. “Thank you, father. Ladies and gentlemen, I am honored to be speaking with you tonight. Had you told me when I first came to live at Wayne manor that I would one day be heir to my guardian’s company I would have said you were crazy.”

The crowd laughed and Jason found himself cracking a smile.

“As it is, I couldn’t have made it to where I am today without my father’s aid. Bruce Wayne has played a key role in my development. He, along with my brothers, and our ever-faithful butler, have encouraged me to pursue all areas of study I have found of interest. They have helped me gain my degrees in engineering and business and continue to support me as I study genetics. I would also like to thank Lucias Fox for helping me with the applied science division. Our recent breakthrough wouldn’t have been possible without him. Nor would any of the future projects we have planned,” Tim took a moment to look over the crowd. His eyes landing on Jason, Dick, and Damian for a moment longer than on anyone else. “This holiday season I would like to congratulate everyone in the applied sciences division for all of their hard work and the long hours they’ve put in. In a couple months you will see Wayne enterprises releasing a new invention that will change the world, hopefully for the better.”

Tim raised his glass higher. “Here’s to a brighter future.”

Jason raised his glass along with the guests and took a long drink from his flute. He placed his empty glass on a passing serving tray and quickly made plans to congratulate Tim on a well-delivered speech and then retreat to his room. Unfortunately, Dick was currently occupying Tim’s time.

Jason reasoned that he could speak with the little bird later and turned to leave, but was stopped by Tim’s voice behind him.

“Jason! Where are you going?” Tim’s happy voice questioned.

Forcing himself to smile and to ignore the way Dick’s attention was now focused on him, he turned back to his family and held his arms out.

“Timmy! You did great! I don’t think I’ve ever heard a better speech,” Jason praised.

Tim beamed at the praise.

“Are you intoxicated already, Todd?” Damian inquired from Bruce’s side. “There have been far better speeches performed in this manor, let alone in history.”

 “Don’t listen to him, Tim,” Dick pulled Damian to him by placing two hands firmly on the boy’s shoulders. “Little D’s just jealous that you’re getting all the attention.”

“I am not,” Damian protested.

“It was a fine speech,” Bruce assured.

“I hope so, because I honestly forgot everything I wrote down to say as soon as everyone was staring at us,” Tim admitted and then smiled at Dick as he said, “I _winged_ the whole thing.”

Dick burst out laughing. “Birds can’t go wrong when they’re winging things.”

Jason stifled his own laugh as he watched his brothers interact. Damian didn’t bother to hold back a groan and Bruce merely chuckled before excusing himself to talk to a reporter that was flagging him down.

“I should go help Bruce with the press,” Tim stated with a smile still on his face. “I can’t let him hog all the spotlight.”

“And I must make sure the press is aware that though you may be in line for C.E.O of the company I am still the only biological heir here,” Damian stated as he left to stand by Bruce’s side.

Tim let out a sigh and a roll of his eyes. “He’s such a brat. Jason, stick around for a bit, okay? I’ll be back after I’m done with the journalists. Dick, you’ll keep him company, won’t you?”

Tim didn’t wait for the oldest bird to respond before leaving the two oldest Robins alone.

Jason and Dick stood there, at the bottom of the stairs, awkwardly avoiding eye contact. Jason pretended to take interest in a woman that was walking by, his eyes slowly raking over her form for no other reason than to avoid looking at Dick. Like wise, Dick was focused on staring down into a flute of champagne he swiped from a passing waiter.

As the silence stretched on and Jason began to feel antsy as Dick’s gaze finally shifted to him, both boys realized that Tim had no intention of rejoining them anytime soon. A glance across the dance floor, where Tim was standing with a bright smile and arms around two ladies as a photographer took their photo, made that clear. So, Jason decided not to waste any more time on a seemingly never ending awkward moment and moved to step onto the first step of the stairs. However, just as he did so he felt a hand encircle his wrist.

“Wait,” Dick’s voice was soft. Almost as quiet as a whisper. “I haven’t seen you in months. Can we just talk for a bit?”

“The deal was that we pretended nothing happened,” Jason reminded. “I had a long flight and I want to go to bed.”

Dick’s grip on Jason’s wrist tightened slightly. “Timmy really did do a good job with the speech. He’s going to be a great C.E.O one day.”

“Yeah, he will be,” Jason pulled his wrist away from Dick.

“I wish Conner could have been here. I know Tim wanted him here but Clark wanted to have a Kent family Christmas at the old farm. I heard that Luthor was even going to join them,” Dick attempted to engage Jason in conversation.

“Good for them,” Jason stated in a clipped tone but didn’t try to run away. He had, after all, promised Dick that they’d act civil to each other.

“I think Clark and Lex secretly like each other. It wouldn’t shock me if they end up together. They’ve both taken quiet an interest in Connor’s life recently and have been acting fairly parental towards him. Lex even wanted to have Tim over for a meet the parent’s diner.”

“That must have been fun,” Jason snorted. “Bet Timmy enjoyed that one.”

Dick stared down into his flute, swirling it with his hand for a moment before continuing. “Dami’s been sneaking off a lot lately. He’s been late getting back from school too. Bruce is suspicious, he thinks Dami’s working on a project by himself again, but I think he’s got a crush. I overhead him and Colin talking about a girl the other day. Damian seemed really smitten with whoever she is.”

“That girl better think twice before getting into a relationship with Damian,” Jason remarked. “I can’t see him being the most considerate lover.”

“He can be nice,” Dick defended their youngest brother, “it just doesn’t come naturally to him. You have to remember that Ra’s and Talia basically tried to beat all emotion out of him.”

“That’s funny.”

“What is?” Dick frowned and Jason almost lost what he was going to say when those blue eyes looked up from the golden liquid they’d been admiring.

“That you really think Damian can be better.”

Dick’s brows furrowed. “Damian could be the nicest guy on earth if he wanted to. He just needs someone who he feels deserves his kindness. This girl could be that person. You shouldn’t insult him. You should encourage him to pursue the relationship. Who knows, maybe he could even grow to love her.”

“Love is overrated,” Jason responded without thinking and then immediately regretted it when Dick’s face scrunched up in pain.

“Look, it was nice chatting,” Jason tried to backtrack, “but I really am beat. Let Timmy know that I hit the hay early, won’t you?”

“If that’s what you want, Jay,” Dick responded but he was still wearing that god awful pained expression.

“Goodnight, Dickhead,” Jason called out before heading up the stairs.

“Good night, Jaybird,” was Dick’s response.

Jason willed himself to walk up the stairs at a leisurely pace but as soon as he was in the hall he was rushing to his room and yanking off his bowtie. He felt bad for leaving the party early when Tim had wanted him to stay but he felt like he couldn’t breathe around Grayson.

Civil. He’d promised they’d be civil. But with Dick dressed like he was fishing for a conversation with Jason, Jason just couldn’t do it. His heart throbbed. He hated how he couldn’t stop himself from thinking about how kissable Dick looked that night. This was why he didn’t want to come back. There was something about Dick that always triggered the feelings he harbored for the older man. It didn’t matter how mad he was at the older bird, he was still in love with him and seeing him, but knowing he couldn’t allow himself to have him…it was almost too painful.


	9. His Reason For Accordance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a really crappy week last week. Like, reeeeaaaaalllly crappy. Felt like I was crewing up left and right at both of my jobs. This week, my schedule is packed full and I'm already ready to tear my hair out. Lucky for you guys, when I get stressed I like to distract myself so I don't end up having panic attacks, and my favorite way to distract myself is to write. So you get and update tonight and I won't be surprised if you get another one tomorrow.

Dick had done some hard things in his life. He’d fought the Joker, took on Deathstroke, dealt with the deaths of friends and family…he’d watched the murder of his parents and became Batman when they had all thought Bruce dead. Yes, he’d gone through some hard things and he’d always prevailed, but this…this was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do.

Acting like nothing had happened between him and Jason was a struggle. Especially when Jason was sleeping just a few doors down from him in the manor. After not seeing him for months, all Dick wanted to do was rush into the other bird’s room, pull him into his arms, and never let go. He wanted to kiss him; to fall on his knees and beg for forgiveness. He’d do anything, anything at all, if it meant righting his wrongs, but Jason didn’t seem interested in reconciliation.

It’d taken Dick all night to get the courage to even utter one word to his former lover. He’d been looking for Jason since arriving at the Christmas Ball but hadn’t spotted him until the red bird had begrudgingly come down the stairs with Alfred tailing him. Dick’s heart had literally ached at seeing the other man again. He’d been thinking of nothing and no one else since the Red Hood’s disappearance all those months ago.

Jason had looked tired. There’d been dark lines under his eyes and his skin was paler than Dick remembered it being, but over all the other man had looked good; healthy, even. Jason’s black hair with the white streak had been parted down the middle and his bangs hung slightly above those ethereal blue-green eyes that Dick loved so much. The suit that Alfred had no doubt picked out for Jason hugged his body in just the right way. It’d been so long since Dick had seen Jason in a tux that he’d forgotten just how delectable he looked in one.

Jason didn’t clean up often, but when he did he was the most alluring creature on the planet. Really, he could have had any guy or girl he wanted. Dick had seen women practically throw themselves at the second Robin’s feet. He knew that even Talia Al Ghul had fallen for the other boy’s charms.

Jason was a treasure and when Dick had been entrusted with him he’d dropped him. He’d been an idiot to throw away everything he and Jason had over a girl. No amount of begging or tears would ever make what he did right. Really, he didn’t blame Jason. He didn’t think that Jason had over reacted at all. If anything, he felt that Jason had underreacted.

Dick felt that he hadn’t deserved the mercy Jason had given him by only shooting him in the shoulder. That bullet should have been a little lower and to the right. Even then, the pain he would have felt before his death would have been less than the pain he felt now. But it was pain he deserved.

He didn’t deserve to hold Jason after what he’d done. He especially didn’t deserve to _be held_ by Jason. He was lucky that Jason had even agreed to come back to the manor. He should be happy that he at least got to see the other bird for the holidays.

Still, lying in bed that night, after the Wayne annual Christmas Ball, all Dick could think about was how Jason was alone in his big bed down the hall. He fought the urge to get up and check on his little wing for three hours before he gave up with a growl. Jason had gone to bed hours before he himself had retreated from the party so it should have been safe for him to peek a glance at him through the crack of his door.

Of course, Dick had forgotten about the loose floorboard in front of Jason’s door. The floorboard that was never loose except when Jason was there. He’d always wondered how the other boy got away with loosening the board without getting a lecture from Alfred. In Dick’s opinion, Alfred’s lack of response to the loose board was only further proof that Jason was his favorite. Of course, the old butler would never admit such a thing.

Dick winced as his foot touched the loose board and a creak that sounded too loud in the otherwise quiet hall was made. He stared at Jason’s door, expecting it to fly open and for the other boy to be standing on the other side angrily, but nothing happened. Slowly, he reached out and turned the doorknob as quietly as he possibly could. If he hadn’t already woken Jason then he really didn’t want to do so.

When Dick pushed the door to Jason’s room open he discovered that all his efforts to be quiet were in vain, for Jason wasn’t in his room at all. The main light was off but the bedside lamp cast a soft glow around the room. Jason’s red comforter was neatly pulled up and tucked like it hadn’t been slept under and the long drapes decorating the window were pulled to the side. Dick had a moment of panic as he realized that the room looked exactly like it did before Jason had arrived.

What if Jason had left already? He was supposed to stay through Christmas. He wouldn’t have left in the middle of the night without telling anyone, would he? But Dick knew that it was something Jason would, in fact, do.

With that thought in mind, Dick slid his hands into his hair. Tugging on his black strands, he attempted to steady his breathing. Why was he breathing so hard? Jason was a grown man. If he had left then he was more than capable of taking care of himself.

 _“But then you’ll never be able to fix this,”_  the little voice in his head reminded him.

“I don’t even know if I can fix this,” Dick muttered to the empty room.

“Grayson?” Damian’s stiff, yet childish voice sounded from the open door.

Turning, Dick found his youngest brother standing shirtless in the doorway, with a mug of steaming brown liquid in one hand and a large novel in the other. Damian’s short hair stuck up like the startled spikes of a porcupine in an adorable bed-head kind of way and the eyes he’d inherited from his father blinked tiredly at his older brother.

“Dami,” Dick offered the youngest bird a grin. “What are you doing up? Missing patrolling tonight?”

“What are you doing in Todd’s room?” Damian ignored the blue bird’s questioning.

“I was looking for Jason,” it wasn’t entirely a lie. He had come to Jason’s room hoping to see him.

“Why?” Damian asked yet another question. His calculating eyes felt like they were boring into Grayson’s core.

“I couldn’t sleep. I wanted to see if he was up.”

“You wanted to talk.”

Dick shifted.

“About your predicament with him.”

Dick sighed. “Last I checked, that wasn’t a crime.”

Damian was eerily silent for a moment before turning to continue down the hall and to his own room. With his back to his older brother, he remarked, “Todd’s in the kitchen with Drake. They’re devouring Pennyworth’s leftover shrimp puffs.”

 “Oh,” was all Dick could say as he continued to stand awkwardly in the middle of Jason’s bedroom. He supposed he could stay there until Jason returned, or he could retreat back to his own room and Jason wouldn’t ever have to know that he’d been in his room, or he could go down stairs to the kitchen and actually talk to Jason like he’d told Damian he’d been wanting to.

 _“You can’t fix this if you continue to mope in your room,”_ that little voice spoke again and Dick groaned. He knew it was right. If he wanted Jason in his life at all –be it as a lover or a brother –he had to stop hiding and start talking. They needed to be around each other and maybe just acting civil like they’d agreed to was the first step towards getting Jason back.

“The tree isn’t as big this year,” Dick could hear Jason’s voice as he approached the kitchen.

“Alfred went with us to pick it out. He said he was tired of us almost breaking the chandelier,” Tim’s voice responded. “Dick wanted to get a taller one and Damian didn’t really care. Dick argued with Alfred for half an hour before he realized that no matter what he said, Alfred was going to win.”

“And the demon spawn didn’t complain about waiting that long?”

Tim snickered. “He was too busy talking to a girl from his class.”

“Dick mentioned he had a crush.”

“It’s more than that. They’ve been having ‘study’ dates,” Dick could almost see the air quotes Tim had made. “Colin said they’ve already gone pretty far.”

 Jason chuckled and Dick felt his insides fluttered. God, he loved the sound of Jason’s laugh.

“Does Bruce know?”

“He suspects something but its Damian we’re talking about, so he’s not quite sure what’s really going on.”

“He’ll find out soon. None of us were ever any good at keeping our love lives a secret from the Bat.”

Tim groaned. “You’re telling me. I was dating my secretary at the company for less than a week and Bruce was already asking me when she was going to meet the family.”

“Less than a week? Like how many days? Be specific, baby bird.”

“Five days. I’d literally only taken her out once.”

Jason gave a low whistle. “A record. If I recall, he found out about you and Connor the same day it started.”

“I…uh…” Tim stammered. “I try to forget about that. It was so embarrassing.”

 Jason laughed again and Dick pressed himself against the wall outside the kitchen. He knew he should announce his presence but he was enjoying listening to how easy Jason and Tim were talking to each other. A year ago the two of them wouldn’t have been able to carry on a conversation without Jason accusing the younger of replacing him, now it was like they were best friends.

“Stop laughing! It’s not funny!” Tim scolded.

“What’s not funny about Bruce walking in on you and Connor going at it like bunnies?”

“Everything! I couldn’t look him in the eye for weeks after it happened.”

“Oh please! He’s seen worse. He caught me in the coat closet with a girl when I was fifteen. You should have seen his face when he tried to explain sex to me and I told him I already knew all about it. I thought the old man was going to have an aneurism.”

“I hope Damian’s luckier than we were.”

“Not likely. He follows Dick around like a little puppy. He’ll probably take after him and end up engaged twice and with Bruce walking in on him and his lovers several times.”

Dick frowned. Bruce hadn’t walked in on him and his girlfriends _that_  many times.

“That’s not really fair,” Tim defended their older brother, which Dick silently thanked him for. “Bruce only walked in on him three times…that Dick’s told me about.”

“It _was_  only three times,” Dick decided it was time he step into the conversation.

Jason’s eyes visibly widened when Dick walked into the room and he was sure he saw Tim smirking.

“Dick!” Tim greeted him with an overly exaggerated grin. “I was wondering if you’d show up. Baby bat's already been down here twice. Seems like we’re all night owls tonight.”

“Years of patrolling with Bruce will do that to you,” Dick stated and casually slid onto the stool beside Jason, at the kitchen island.

Jason eyed Dick suspiciously but the oldest bird only offered him a grin. “What’s up, little wing?”

“You were eavesdropping,” Jason stated flatly.

“Do you blame me? I came down stairs and found you talking about us birds and our bees with Baby bird.”

Tim screwed up his face. “Don’t ever say that again. That just sounded wrong.”

Dick’s grin only grew. “It was supposed to.”

“Yeah,” Tim shook his head and stood. “I don’t have the energy to deal with you right now. I’m going to bed.”

Jason glared at Tim but Dick merely continued grinning and gave the younger boy a wave with his fingers.

“Oh, Timmy is so innocent compared to the rest of us,” Dick swiped a shrimp puff off the plate in front of Jason and popped it into his mouth.

“I hope he stays that way,” Jason replied tightly.

“Me too,” Dick responded honestly. “So, uh, you couldn’t sleep tonight either?”

Jason just looked at him and tore apart a shrimp puff with his fingers.

“I was going to tell you, you looked good tonight, at the ball,” Dick cursed himself for fumbling over his words. “The tux fit you well.”

“Yeah, Alfred did a bang up job with it.”

“It was more than the tux though. You look healthy,” Dick continued. “Star City must be treating you well.”

Jason shrugged. “It’s not the city as much it’s that I’ve stopped patrolling.”

“I noticed Red Hood disappeared. Are you retiring?”

Jason was silent for a moment before placing his torn-up shrimp puff in his mouth and chewing it leisurely.

“I don’t blame you if you are,” Dick continued to talk. “Even I think about retiring every once in a while.”

                “It sounds like you already have,” Jason spoke around the food in his mouth. He took a moment to swallow before saying, “You can’t give up being a cop and a vigilante. You’re the fucking energizer bunny, for crying out loud. You’d be lost without something to do.”

“I’d find something to do. Since I’m not on the force anymore, I’ve thought about teaching gymnastics. There’s an opening for a gym teacher at Gotham Academy. I could always start there.”

“You never did tell me why you quit the force,” Jason pointed out.

“I haven’t actually quit yet,” Dick admitted, but he didn’t want to tell Jason the truth of why he was quitting.

After Jason had shot him, the wound didn’t heal properly. Nightwing hadn’t been able to patrol for two months and Dick Grayson had to create an elaborate excuse for why he couldn’t come into work. He’d ended up having to call the Commissioner and tell him the truth about his wound. Gordon had stated that he thought Dick was over working himself and that maybe he needed to choose between vigilantism and his place on the police force. In the end, Gordon had ordered him to take a paid sabbatical and requested that Dick turn in his resignation as soon as the sabbatical was over.

When Dick had told Bruce of Gordon’s request the bat had almost appeared to be relieved. It was no secret to Dick that Bruce hadn’t even wanted to let Nightwing back out on patrol. He was worried about how little his first son was moving his left shoulder. Even now, months later, Dick still couldn’t raise his arm as high as he used to. His movement on that side was still restricted and Alfred still had him doing therapy workouts for it.

“Okay, then why are you on sabbatical. You made it sound like you’d been ordered onto it when we talked on the phone,” Jason remarked.

“Gordon thought I needed a break,” Dick gave a half-truth. “I’m quitting because I think he’s right. Being Nightwing by night and Officer Grayson by day is taking its toll on me. It’s an endless amount of paperwork and you know I can’t sit still that long.”

Dick tried to joke but Jason wasn’t having any of it as he scowled.

“You love being a cop. And Nightwing.”

“Sometimes we have to let go of what we love because holding on to it isn’t fair to it,” Dick locked eyes with Jason. He hoped Jason would pick up on his double meaning and when Jason turned his gaze to the island counter top he knew he had. “I wasn’t focusing enough, on either job. Now I can just focus on one. Nightwing was always more important anyway.”

“You are one of the few good cops left in this city.”

“I’m not as good as you think I am.”

Jason snorted. “Please, as if the golden boy could be a rat.”

“I’m not a rat, but I’m not clean either. I’ve done some shady things while on the force. I’ve sabotaged a few cases because they lead to close to my double identity. Granted, I still caught the guy, but as Nightwing.”

“Then you still did your job.”

Dick shook his head. “Enough about me. Bruce says you have a job in Star City.”

Jason nodded. “I’m a mechanic. It’s lousy pay, but its good work.”

“Do you miss patrolling?”

“Sometimes,” Jason admitted, “But Star City doesn’t need the Red Hood.”

“But Gotham does. The bowery has been chaos since you left,” Dick informed. “Roy’s been having trouble keeping up with it.”

Jason frowned, just like Dick knew he would at the mention of his longtime friend trying to take care of the Bowery by himself, as well as the implication that Jason should remain in Gotham after the holidays.

“I told him to call Kori in to help.”

“She’s off planet.”

Jason pushed the now empty plate of shrimp puffs away from him. “Shit, that bastard’s going to get himself killed.”

“I offered to help but he didn’t want me around.”

“That doesn’t surprise me. He’s not your biggest fan right now.”

“Yeah, that’s my fault.”

Both Dick and Jason were silent for a moment before Dick spoke up again. “I really am sorry.”

“I know you are.” Jason half turned so he was looking at Dick face on. “We agreed to be civil this week, right?”

Dick nodded.

“Then stop bring up the past. I know you’re sorry. And I’m sorry for leaving like I did. Maybe I should have stuck around a bit longer. Truth is, I’d been thinking of leaving Gotham before we started fooling around. When I realized that what we had was over, or maybe it never even got started, whatever, it was the final straw. There was nothing holding me here.”

“I didn’t know you felt that way. Why didn’t you tell me you’d thought of leaving Gotham?”

“You were in a bad place after Bruce returned. I didn’t want to worry you. You needed me more than I needed you.”

“I’m sorry. I should have been there for you more. I should have noticed that something was wrong with you. I should have…”

“Dickhead, stop,” Jason interrupted. “Stop apologizing for everything. It’s over. It’s done. Stop beating yourself up over this. Yeah, it hurt like hell when I found you with that fucking whore, but you didn’t, technically, do anything wrong. We both knew we weren’t together. We were just friends with benefits. We were distractions to keep each other from thinking about the shit that happens on patrol and I shouldn’t have let myself get caught up in it. Guess I convinced myself that we were more than we were.”

“No,” Dick shook his head, his brow furrowed. Sure, they’d never been official, but they’d always been more than just friends with benefits. There’d been a chemistry there. Jason had said that he’d loved him and even if Dick had never said it back he’d felt it too. That was something that’d taken Dick a while to realize, but now that he knew how he felt -now that he knew what had been going on between them -he wasn’t about to let Jason convince himself that there had never been anything there. “We had feelings. You said that you loved me.”

“I did love you. I still love you,” Jason admitted, “but that doesn’t change anything. We weren’t together. We were fucking around, you found a hot girl and wanted to fuck her, and I overreacted. I’m not good with complicated emotions. It’s something I need to work on.”

“We weren’t just fucking around. I loved you, Jason. I know I never told you, but I did. I still do, and I’d jump at a chance to be with you again.”

Jason raised a brow. “This experience has taught us that we weren’t any good at being lovers. We obviously didn’t communicate well, neither of us knew where each other stood in the relationship, and when we faced a major problem I shot you and ran away.”

“We can do better. We’ll get it right this time around.”

Jason shook his head. “No, Dickie. I’m done fucking around with you. I came home this week to spend time with family. Not to awkwardly walk around our brief love affair. I’m not here as your ex. I’m here as your brother. Can you be my brother this week? Can you stop apologizing and stop acting like we’re exes?”

“But we are.”

“We don’t have to be. We never dated. It was a phase.” Jason’s voice was hard, firm and unyielding like stone. Dick could tell that Jason had already made up his mind. He didn’t want Dick’s apologies. He didn’t even want reconciliation. He wanted to be civil and to pretend that nothing had ever happened.

“I-I guess,” Dick stammered in shock. “I mean, if that’s what you really want.”

“It is,” Jason stated almost venomously, but sighed afterwards like he was irritated at himself for his own voice tone. When he spoke again, his tone was much softer. “I’m going home in a week and I want my time here to be good. Not ruined by us. For the family’s Christmas’s sake, we’re nothing more than brother’s.”

“Okay. I hear you,” Dick stated even though it tore his heart a little to do so. “Brothers again. Nothing else.”

Upstairs, unbeknownst to the two older birds, Tim closed his laptop angrily. He’d been listening in on the duo’s conversation through a bug he’d planted in the kitchen and with each word he could feel them getting further and further away from each other.

“They’re like a damn soap opera,” Tim groaned.

“You expected different results?” Damian spoke from where he was perched on Tim’s bed.

The younger bird had come into Tim’s room shortly after Tim had gotten back from the kitchen. He’d had his novel in one hand and his cup of hot chocolate in the other.

“Turn up the volume,” Damian had instructed when he saw that Tim was listening into the conversation taking place down stairs.

Tim had merely rolled his eyes and muttered a, “Yes your highness,” before doing as Damian asked. Now both younger birds were staring at the closed laptop in displeasure.

“We have to fix this,” Tim stated.

“We?” Damian inquired.

“Yes, _we_. You’re going to help.”

“Tt.”

“We’ll lock them in a closest if we have to.  Whatever it takes. They have to work this out and they aren’t going to do it by being brothers.”

“A closet is cliché,” Damian commented. “Not to mention Grayson and Todd are both more than capable of getting out of a pathetic little closet.”

“They wouldn’t be able to get out of the reinforced ones in the Batcave.”

Damian blinked. “Tt.”

Tim leaned back in his desk chair. “You know…maybe we don’t need to use a closet at all…”

“What are you planning, Drake?”

The smile Tim gave Damian was pure mischief and had Damian shifting nervously.


	10. His Reason to Wonder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I said I was hoping this week wouldn't be as crappy as the last? Yeah, well, I woke up at 2am sick and had to call into both of my jobs. Now one of my bosses is pissed at me and my urge to quit is growing. Anyway, you didn't come here to hear about that crap. 
> 
> Without further ado, here's a new chapter :) May even have another one up tonight...kind of just want to work on this story all night...

It was a peaceful day at Wayne manor. The morning was still young and the sky was heavy with snow. Soft white flakes tumbled gracefully outside the window of the Wayne Library, coating the frame and keeping the glass frosted. Jason sat in a highbacked chair. A lit cigarette was held carefully between two of his fingers as he worked at cleaning the gun that was dismantled on the table before him. The gun had been a gift to Damian, from him, on the boy’s last birthday. Bruce hadn’t been at all thrilled with the gift and his lack of encouragement allowed the youngest bird to neglect the weapon. Jason, having seen the state it was in, took it upon himself to clean it.

“I’ll teach you how to use it properly once I’m done,” he’d said to the little bird as he expertly dismantled the small hand gun.

Damian had merely rolled his eyes and tutted. Jason, however, expected the boy’s behavior to be for Bruce’s benefit. For as soon as the older man was headed out the door for a meeting at Wayne tower, Damian was making himself comfortable on the window bench in the library. The youngest Robin had picked a large book off one of the room’s many shelves and was reading it while stealing glances at what his older brother was doing.

Jason had been content sharing the silence of the library with Damian. The kid no more wanted to talk than he did. They were both perfectly fine pretending that the other didn’t exist. Yet, their silence was to be stolen as Dick and Tim bounded into the room. Both the first and third robin were nearly in tears from the laughter that had them clutching their stomachs. Alfred had stood in the doorway, scolding them on proper behavior and how it wasn’t good manners to use your brother’s skills to possess the coffee maker.

Alfred had declared the manor a Robin free zone until lunch, saying that the only room that the boys were allowed to be in for the next three hours was the library. After that, Tim parked himself in the middle of an ornate rug in the library. His laptop and tablet were both on and running through the data that Tim was putting into it.

Dick was the one that was really bugging Jason. The older bird was sprawled out in a chair. He sat with his head on the ground and his legs thrown over the top of the chair. His fingers danced on the keyboard of his phone.

“I’m bored,” Dick drew out the word as he dropped his phone on the floor and dramatically rolled his head to the side. “Sooooo bored. I’m dying of boredom.”

“Then can you please do so quietly? I am trying to read,” Damian glanced up from his book to glare at the oldest brother.

“Awe, Dami, show a little compassion,” Dick tossed his legs over his head, launching himself into a somersault. “Come on, guys. The weather’s fair and the day is young. Let’s do something!”

“Tt,” Damian tutted.

Jason remained silent, the only sound he made was when he started reassembling the gun he was cleaning. He clicked the pieces back together without really looking at them. His teal gaze was focused on the frosted glass in front of him and how he could almost see Dick’s reflection in it. Almost. It was a rough outline of dark hair and eyes that were dulled by the window’s ice, but all the same Jason knew the other bird was pouting. He didn’t need to see Grayson’s face to know that. Big blue eyes and pursed lips were something that Dick would use when he wanted something bad enough and right now, the blue bird really wanted out of the manor.

Tim paused. He sat completely upright, back straight, and blinked a couple times before saying, “Maybe you’re right. Maybe we should do something.”

“Pennyworth has banned us from venturing anywhere outside this room until noon,” Damian stated as if they’d all forgotten the butler’s earlier words.

“I know, but I bet he’d be willing to make an exception if we were to leave the manor all together,” Tim smiled. “We could do that thing that you and I were talking about last night.”

Damian’s brows frowned and he opened his mouth to respond to Tim but was cut off by Dick.

“What thing?” Dick’s interest perked and Jason swore that if the older man had a set of dog ears they’d be standing straight up at that moment.

“You two know how to talk?” Jason snorted. “That’s new. I thought all you were capable of was trying to kill each other.”

“It wouldn’t be _trying_  if father and Grayson would stop interfering,” Damian remarked bluntly.

“There’s been enough funerals in this family,” Dick responded and Jason noticed a hint of sorrow had seeped into the blue bird’s voice, along with an edge that demanded Damian listen to him.

“All the more reason to enjoy the time we have alive,” Tim grinned. “What do you say, Jason?”

“I say I need to hear what you and demon spawn want to do before I agree to anything,” Jason stood to lean against the table. The gun he’d been working on was now completely clean and reassembled.

Tim grinned up at Jason from his place on the floor. “It’s this awesome thing called a…you know what, I’ll let Damian tell you all about it. He’s the one that found their website.”

The youngest Wayne glared at Tim as both of their older brother’s eyes turned to him in an expectant manor. With a sigh, he loudly closed his book and placed it on the cushion beside him. “It’s called an escape room. There’s been an opening of one here in Gotham. Honestly, I think the whole idea of us partaking in such an activity is pointless, but Drake has convinced me that it could be decent enough practice.”

“Damian seems to think that the puzzles will be novice compared to what we’re used to,” Tim informed their brothers, “but escape rooms are designed to be challenging. True, we’ll still have an upper hand compared to other patrons, but it could be entertaining. It’d be a lot better than sitting in the library for the next three hours, at least.”

“It would be an effective way to rescue Grayson from the excruciating death boredom has planned for him,” Damian agreed with a mocking smile. 

“Sounds fun,” Dick grinned.

Jason took a long drag of his cigarette. “Whatever. Like you said, Timmy, it’s better than being stuck in here.”

“Awesome!” Tim exclaimed and wasted no time rushing to the communication system built into the wall. He pressed a button and merely said, “Alfred?”

“Yes, Master Timothy?” the old Butler’s voice came through the speaker almost immediately.

“Great news!” Dick was suddenly at Tim’s side and speaking into the speaker. “You’ll have the manor to yourself for a while. Us birds are going into town.”

“Oh, goodie,” Alfred’s voice was dry. “Do be careful, sirs. Your father will not be pleased if he comes home to find you’ve blown up a building.”

“We’ll be careful,” Tim promised.

Jason took one last drag from his cigarette before putting it out in the ashtray on the table behind him. Said ash tray had magically appeared two days before and others like it had started popping up around the manor. When he’d asked Bruce about them the older man had grunted and said, “Those were always there. Your observation skills are rusty.”

Alfred had proven more helpful when he admitted that, “Master Bruce had them purchased for you. We both wish you would quit destroying your lungs but as it is winter we cannot, in good conscience, continue with our usual agreement that you can smoke as long as it is done outdoors. We will not have you getting pneumonia.”

The ashtray in the library had acquired the butts of more than a few cigarettes that day. Even though Jason and Dick had been acting civil towards each other and it’d been almost a whole two days since Dick had last brought up their past love affair, being around the other man was still stressful. Jason’s nerves were on end. Try as he may to relax, he couldn’t. This led him to smoking almost half a pack of cigarettes since he’d woken up that morning. Sad thing was, it wasn’t even noon yet and he was on his last pack. He’d have to see about stopping at a gas station or store on the way back from the escape room. Of course, if he drove then the others wouldn’t have a choice whether he stopped or not.

“We can take the Bentley,” Jason declared. “My red one. I’ll drive.”

“I am disinclined to agree,” Damian stated. “I am not getting into a vehicle that Todd is driving.”

“No worries, little D,” Dick grinned. “We’ll just take mine.”

Jason growled. “And what makes you a better driver than me?”

“My perfect record,” Dick remarked. “I was a cop, remember? I’ve seen your records.”

“Abusing your power to check up on me?” Jason snorted. “You weren’t kidding when you said you weren’t the cleanest cop in town. And here I thought you would never stoop so low as to illegally look at my records.

“It’s not illegal.”

“You’re lying.”

“No, I’m not.”

“So lying.”

“I’m not lying.”

“I say you are.”

“I say I’m not.”

“And I say you’re…”

“Neither of you are driving,” Tim cut in calmly. “The escape room is mine and Damian’s idea so one of us should get to drive and seeing that baby bat doesn’t have his license yet, we’ll be taking my car…and Damian gets shotgun.”

Both Jason and Dick groaned at the thought of having to share the backseat of Tim’s Prius. The car was small enough without having to sit by the person that was putting them on edge. Still, in an effort to be brothers, both older birds slid into the backseat and allowed Tim to drive them into the city. Neither of them said a word to each other for the first half of the drive. Instead, they listened to Tim and Damian bicker over what music to listen to. Eventually, Tim won. He managed to get both Dick and Jason on his side and used the fact that it was his car that they were in to get the radio set on a Christmas station.

Jason stared out his window and pretended not to care that Dick’s voice, as he sang along to the Christmas tunes, was so alluring that it made his heart melt. He fought to hide a smile and rolled his eyes as Tim encouraged him to join in the caroling. He and Damian would not be moved, however. As Damian stared down at his phone, probably texting the girl Jason had been hearing so much about, Jason laid his head back against his seat and closed his eyes.

The last two days had been somewhat comfortable with neither Jason nor Dick bringing up their past dalliance. Yet, Jason still hadn’t managed to get a full night’s rest. He tried, but his dreams always managed to be consumed by Dick.

Blue eyes and a wide grin haunted his sleep. The dreams always started the same, with him feeling warm and happy…

_“Jaybird, I love you,” the words were a breath tickling his ear._

They always ended the same too, with his heart shattering all over again…

_Blood. Blood everywhere. So much blood. It was coating his hands, his clothes, the body he was desperately trying to keep breathing as life slowly left those blue eyes fallen in love with so long ago._

He knew the dreams were his subconscious’ way of telling him to stay away from the older bird. They were its way of reminding him of why he should stop himself from drowning in those eyes every time they were trained on him or why he should smother the butterflies that threatened to overtake his stomach each time he saw the grin. Dick could hurt him…had hurt him…and he’d done a number right back on him. They weren’t good for each other.

The night before, he’d attempted to chase away the dreams by completely exhausting himself. He’d made his way to the Batcave, found the suit he had stashed there, and geared up for patrol. His plans were corrupted, however, when Bruce declared him unfit for patrol. He hadn’t even put his helmet on before his attempt had been shut down.

“Red Hood hasn’t been on patrol in half a year,” Bruce had stated as he secured his utility belt around his waist. “There’s no way I’m letting you out until I’ve seen proof that you haven’t neglected your skills.”

Jason had tried to barter with the bat and when that didn’t work he’d tried threatening, but Bruce had remained stone faced as he pulled on his cowl and headed towards the Batmobile. Robin had been on his heels and Red Robin was pulling his own cowl up.

“Oracle’s out of town,” Red Robin had told Jason as he readied his bike. “We could use you on the computer if you really want to help.”

“I certainly wouldn’t mind having you in my ear all night,” Nightwing had grinned from his place atop his own bike, but the grin was tight, forced.

For some reason, Nightwing hadn’t left when Batman and Robin had. He hadn’t even left on his own. He’d stuck around the cave until Red Robin was ready and then the duo departed together. In fact, as Jason kept watch at the computer he noticed that Nightwing and Red Robin seemed to be patrolling together. They never went more than a few blocks from each other and the two times that Nightwing had gotten further away Red Robin had circled back around to meet him and had lectured him on what it meant to be patrol partners.

Patrolling in pairs wasn’t a new concept, but the way Tim had reacted when Dick had slipped away from him was new. Baby bird was acting like a mother hen. Jason had listened to the third robin scold the first with a stern and unyielding voice. The gravity in Tim’s tone had triggered a warning bell in Jason and he had joined the conversation in order to ask, “Red Robin. Nightwing. what the hell is going on?”

Immediately the two stopped their bickering, though neither of them answered Jason’s question.

“Sorry, Hood. Didn’t mean to annoy you,” Nightwing’s voice came through the comm in Jason’s ear. “Any trouble on the radar?”

Jason had frowned at the way Dick had evaded his question and went to point out the blue bird’s actions but was cut off by Tim.

“It’s a pretty quiet night. Looks like even the villains are taking a break for the holidays. Is the radar clean enough for us to end patrol early?”

“I’ve got nothing,” Jason responded honestly. He’d literally picked up nothing on the radar all night. Gotham was quiet enough that even Bruce and Damian had patrolled their entire area several times already.

Nightwing and Red Robin had both returned to the cave early, followed shortly by Batman and Robin, but it was still almost three in the morning before Jason had gone to bed. While his brothers had chosen to discard their gear for the warmth of their comforters, he’d chosen to stay in the cave with Bruce. Neither he nor Bruce had said anything to each other as Jason practiced on the mats and Bruce did his reports from Patrol.

Not a word was shared until Jason was wiping sweat from his brow and headed for the showers. Only then did Bruce speak and when he did he didn’t move his eyes from the computer.

“Your form is good. You’ve been training,” Bruce stated.

Jason rolled his shoulders, feeling the muscles there ache. He had been training, but not nearly as much as he used to. His workout routine had dropped from being nightly to being two to three times a week. He’d managed to make it to the gym a few times but most of his training was done in his one bedroom apartment in Star City.

“Gotta keep in shape,” Jason’s response to the Wayne patriarch was breathy as he tried to hide that he was trying to catch his breath. “Red Hood might not be beating justice into the punks of Gotham anymore, but I ain’t retired yet.”

Bruce turned then; swiveling his chair so he could lock his blue gaze on his second son. Jason felt a sense of defensiveness settle over him as those icy blue eyes raked over his form.

Before he left for Star City, he and Bruce were on agreeable terms. They hadn’t been as close as they were when he was Robin, but he was no longer angry or trying to kill the older man, and Bruce’s gaze had lost that disappointed pity look it’d always held when he’d looked at his son before. Yet, the second bird still felt the need to straighten his posture and raise his chin when he knew Bruce was watching.

Bruce didn’t say anything for a moment and Jason wondered if the older man was planning on saying anything at all. Blue eyes merely analyzed Jason, from the top of his head to his boot clad feet.  When Bruce stood it was so sudden and ridged that it made Jason take a step back. And when two strong, callused hands were placed on his shoulders he didn’t know what to do but look at the man who was his father figure.

“I could use you in the field,” Bruce stated. “Perhaps next time you can join us on patrol.”

“Proven that I haven’t neglected my skills, have I?” Jason mocked cheekily.

“You’ve proven that you’re in much better shape than I gave you credit for. With Richard being a liability on patrol since you left, I had assumed you’d be in much the same state. That was…that was…” Bruce cleared his throat. “That was my mistake. You are in much better condition than he is and I would be honored if you joined us on patrol tomorrow night.”

Jason had wondered over Bruce’s words. He’d taken the Bat up on his offer, of course, as he was eager to get back out busting criminals -even if it was to just keep his dreams away -but the older man had called Dick a liability. That paired with the way Tim had been mother-henning their brother earlier that night had him worried. Things weren’t adding up when it came to Dick. He felt like he was missing something important. Like he’d gone away for six months and suddenly Dick was no longer fit to patrol. What had happened to the older bird that made him a liability? What had happened to make him leave the police force and to have Tim worrying over him? There were so many questions that were starting to form for Jason and no answers were being given to him.

There was more going on with Nightwing than the family was saying.

“Jaybird,” Dick’s voice was soft but it cut through Jason’s thoughts all the same, pulling him back to reality and into the backseat of Tim’s car.

“Huh?” Jason grunted, he stretched as best he could in the cramped back seat of the Prius. His legs were much too long to make sitting in the back comfortable.

“You dozed off. Dami and Timmy went inside to sign us up for a room. I told them I’d wake you up,” Dick was still using that soft tone and there was hesitance in his cerulean eyes, like he wasn’t sure he was doing the right thing.

Jason grunted again. “We shouldn’t keep baby bird and the demon spawn waiting. Didn’t realize I was so fucking tired.”

Dick gave a light chuckle. His eyes turned downwards and it made Jason pause for a moment. The laugh had been too breathy and short. It was nowhere near Dick’s usual laugh. And the way he turned his eyes away from Jason…he’d been doing that a lot the last two days. Jason didn’t like it. He didn’t like the way it made Dick appear weak and submissive. The way it made him look fragile and broken.  It was a side of Dick that he’d never seen before and one he didn’t enjoy seeing at all.

“If you need to sleep, I’ll tell Tim. We can go back to the manor,” Dick offered.

“Fuck that, man. We came here for brotherly bonding or some shit like that. I’m not going to ruin Timmy and Damian’s plans,” Jason slipped out of the car.

The building the escape room was in was an old brick building. It was only two stories in height and was smashed between an ice cream parlor and a hair salon. A little brass bell dinged as Jason and Dick walked through the door and into the lobby.

Tim and Damian were standing at the counter, talking to a man with a beanie on his head and glasses resting on the end of his nose. He pushed a form over to Tim, who signed it and gave it back with a smile. When Tim spotted Dick and Jason he waved them over.

“Hey, slowpokes, Damian and I set it up so we could race each other,” Tim informed.

“We’ll work in pairs,” Damian added dryly. “Two will be in one escape room while two will be in the other. Grayson, I have decided to be your partner. Drake will be with Todd.”

“Last team to escape has to buy hot chocolate,” Tim grinned.

“Everything’s in order,” the man at the counter cut in. “Have a seat and you’ll be called back when the rooms are ready.”

“Thank you,” Tim spoke to the man before plopping himself down in one of the poorly cushioned black chairs in the lobby.

It didn’t take long for the rooms to be ready and soon a woman in baggy jeans and converse shoes was walking up to them with a clipboard.

“Wayne party?” the woman asked, adjusting the glasses on her nose.

“That’s us,” Tm declared.

“Of course it is us,” Damian stated. “There are no other patrons here.”

“Little D, be nice,” Dick chided.

“Kid’s got a point,” Jason informed.

“Right,” the woman drew out the word. “Timothy and Damian will be in room one and Richard and Jason will be in room two. Once you are in you cannot…”

“Wait,” Dick interrupted. “I thought Damian and I were on a team.”

“Yes, I refuse to work with Drake. I demand to be put with Grayson,” Damian supported.

The woman blinked at Damian, “You’re a weird kid.” She checked her clipboard and blew a bubble with the pink gum in her mouth. “Sorry, says here that the teams are Timothy/Damian and Richard/Jason.”

“You signed us up wrong,” Damian accused Tim, who shrugged.

“Sorry,” Tim stated, “but it’s not like it really matters. Besides, it might be more of a challenge this way.”

“Tt,” Damian tutted.

“Seriously, hear me out, Dames. You’re used to working with Dick and I’m used to working with Jason. Knowing our partners gives us a higher advantage. If we go in with a partner we’re less familiar with then the puzzles might prove to be more of a challenge. Which would give use more practice and help strengthen our team bonds.”

Damian blinked unconvinced, but brushed past Tim to follow the woman to their escape room. “If it makes for better training, then fine, but do not assume our partnership will become a reoccurring event.”

“I would never,” Tim grinned but cast a side glance to Jason and Dick. “You guys okay with this?”

“Sure!” Dick declared in an overly enthusiastic voice. “Jaybird and I got this.”

“I’m sure I can get them to switch our teams if I need to,” Tim responded in all seriousness. “If working together will be too hard for you.”

Jason smirked. “Worried we’ll beat you and the demon spawn, baby bird?”

“No. Worried, you’ll kill each other.”

“We’re big boys,” Dick stated though to Jason it sounded more like he was talking to himself then to Tim. “We can handle this.”

“We’re brothers,” Jason confirmed. “And we’re going to wipe the floor with you and that little shithead.”

“I can still hear you, you know,” Damian spoke from where he stood by the beginning of a hall.

“I know,” Jason grinned. “Come on Dickhead. Let’s show the little bridies how it’s done.”

As Jason and Dick walked past Damian to get to their room, Tim smirked at the youngest bird. The older two were too far away to hear him say, “And that’s how it’s done.”

“Yeah, great plan. You’ve got them in a locked room. Now what? How are we supposed to be sure this works if we’re in a room just like theirs? As much as I hate to admit it, they are smart. They know how to break out of places with more security than this. What’s to stop them from rushing through the puzzles without talking?”

“Us. I paid off the front counter guy. In five minutes he and his assistant are going to leave and we will have complete control over every escape room in this building,” Tim informed. "It won't matter if they solve the puzzles or not. If they don't start talking everything out then we'll abuse our power over the locking mechanism."

“Tt. If this works I will be amazed.”

“It’ll work. It’s _my_ plan.”

“Tt.”

“Besides, the worst that could happen is that Jason will shoot him again.”

Damian and Tim shared a look.

“Perhaps we should have made sure he didn’t bring a gun,” Damian remarked.

Tim thought for a moment before saying, “I’m sure they’ll be fine. Jason felt bad about shooting Dick last time. I don’t think he’ll try it again.”

“Grayson can be annoying and Todd has a low tolerance level.”

“They’ll be fine, Damian.”

Tim walked over to the computer at the front desk and took the now vacant chair. With just a few clicks he had the camera to Jason and Dick’s room open. Damian moved to stand beside him and together they watched as the woman explained the escape scenario to their brothers.

“Once I leave this room,” the woman was saying, “my associate at the front counter will lock the door behind me. The door cannot be unlocked without either him or I manually unlocking it from the computer, unless you have the passcode. There is a security panel by the door and in this room there are several puzzles. If you solve the puzzles correctly then you will find the passcode and will be able to escape. You have thirty minutes to escape. If an emergency arises and you must leave before then, there is a button to press on the security panel that will alert us to your situation. If you do not solve the puzzles in thirty minutes than you will be automatically let out. Understood?”

Dick and Jason nodded.

“Your time begins as soon as the door locks,” the woman stated. “Happy escaping.”


	11. His Reason to Explain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...Look at that, a second chapter posted tonight...and a third on the way ;) 
> 
> I'm spoiling you all tonight, but that's okay, because you've all been so wonderful with your comments lately.

Jason didn’t like the escape room. It was set up to look like the inside of a warehouse. A timer with bright red numbers hung above the door, counting down the minutes until their time in the room was over. He wondered if the place intentionally left the floor dusty to add to the warehouse look, or if the thin layer of dirt was due to a poor cleaning crew.

As soon as the lock had engaged, Dick had set to work on the word puzzle by the door. It’d been on a small 3X5 index card and stuffed in an envelope with a big number 1 on its side. Jason had merely stood still for a moment as he adjusted to the room’s theme.

It wasn’t that he was scared of warehouses. No, he’d ventured into many before and taken out the criminals hiding in them. What was getting to Jason was that those bright red numbers, paired with the fake crates stacked around the room, reminded him of a specific warehouse. The warehouse he’d died in.

He’d be fine. He knew he would. Along with pit madness, he sometimes experienced flashbacks. He’d learned years ago that he needed to brush off the memories as quick as they came. With a roll of his shoulders he let the past fall away and stepped further into the room.

Dick had already solved the first puzzle, which lead him to a crate, when Jason approached him. The golden boy was knelt, staring at a set of pictures carved into the side of the crate.

“What do you think this means, Jaybird?” Dick encouraged the second bird to join in on the puzzle solving.

Jason only sparred the pictures a glance before rolling his eyes. The pictures were a sequence of a bat, a man, and a green painted question mark. He’d hate to tell Tim –or to hear what Damian was telling him in the other escape room –but maybe the bat from hell was right. Not even five minutes had passed since he and Dick were locked in the room and they were already onto their third puzzle. Or they would be if Jason would answer the cerulean eyes gazing up at him.

There was desperation in those eyes and Jason knew that Dick must have already solved the puzzle. The older bird was just grasping at straws to get Jason to interact with him. It’d been like that for two days. Ever since Jason had told him that they were brothers and nothing more.

If Dick wasn’t staring awkwardly at the ground then he was taking every little opportunity he could just to get Jason to talk to him…and Jason knew it…and he didn’t like it. It felt like he was surrounded by glass and Dick was trying to sneak through it barefoot, trying to inch himself closer to the other bird without just grabbing a pair of shoes and marching right up to him.

“It’s Batman and Riddler,” Jason finally spoke and he watched as Dick’s shoulders relaxed slightly.

“Right,” Dick breathed. “But what does it mean? The last puzzle pointed to this crate but where does the crate point to?”

Jason raised a brow. He seriously hoped he was right and Goldie was only acting dumb, because if he seriously hadn’t spotted the array of newspaper clippings on the far wall, covered in green question marks, then something was seriously wrong with him.

The red bird nodded towards the newspapers. “How about we try looking over there, Dickhead?”

“Hehe, right,” Dick rubbed at his neck for a second before standing from his knelt position and moving towards the newspapers.

Jason hung back, just behind the other man, as Dick’s eyes scanned over the clippings.

“There!” Dick exclaimed and pointed at a clipping near the ceiling. The headline read, ‘Batman Hits the Books,” and was accompanied by a picture of Batman battling the Riddler in Gotham Library. Some of the article’s words were highlighted green, but the article was too high up for the duo to see what the words were.

A ladder was leaning nearby, against a stack of crates and Dick quickly grabbed it and set it up. The blue bird climbed up the wooden steps easily but made a surprised sound when the contraption wiggled beneath him.

“Hold this steady?” Dick requested and Jason watched as he reached up to grab the newspaper clipping off the wall. He reached up with his left hand, his right helping him keep his balance by resting on the wall. His eyes crinkled, his mouth twisted into a grimace.

Jason watched as Dick momentarily drew his left arm back down slightly before reaching up again. He didn’t reach the clipping, which should have been accessible to him had he managed to get his arm raised all the way.

Dick caught him staring and probably noticed the crease in his brow. The blue bird gave a forced laugh and switched arms so he was now supporting himself with his left hand and reaching up with his right.

“I must have slept wrong last night,” Dick tried to brush the event off. “Got a crick in my shoulder.”

Jason’s frown deepened. Dick was lying. He could always tell when Dick was lying.

“You can barely raise your left arm above your shoulder,” Jason stated flatly. “That’s not just a crick.”

Dick shrugged and swiped the newspaper clipping off the wall.

“It’s nothing, Little Wing,” the blue bird tried to assure as he jumped from the ladder and landed gracefully beside Jason.

“Like hell its nothing,” Jason argued. “Last night B called you a liability. Timmy was following you around like you were his baby chick. Your shoulder’s the reason, isn’t it?”

Dick’s face hardened into an impassive slate. “I said it’s nothing. Just drop it and let’s figure out this puzzle.”

“Fuck that shit! It ain’t nothing if B’s wishing I was out on patrol instead of you. What the hell happened?”

Dick sighed heavily. “You know what happened.”

Jason’s brow furrowed, “What…”

“It’s not that hard to figure out. It’s even easier than these puzzles,” Dick was staring down at the news clipping, refusing to look at Jason. “It happened right before you disappeared.”

Jason froze as the sound of a gunshot rang through his skull. He’d spent weeks beating himself up over that night. He’d spent months checking the news for any evidence that Nightwing had survived.

Initially, after he’d come down from his episode of pit madness, he’d been proud of himself that he hadn’t shot Dick any place more crucial. Getting shot in the shoulder hurt like a bitch, but it was a hell of a lot better than taking a bullet to the heart. Still, he’d shot him in the left shoulder. In the same shoulder a thug had shot Dick in only weeks before. He’d ripped open a still healing wound.

A wave of guilt washed over Jason as the weight of Dick’s words settled on him. Sure, he hadn’t killed Dick, but that didn’t change the fact that it’d been his bullet that’d lead to Dick’s current circumstance.

The second robin swallowed hard. A lump had formed in his throat. The guilt that’d settled in his stomach had begun to twist as anger gnawed at him.

He was angry at himself for having shot Dick in the first place…

…He was angry at Tim for not telling him how bad off Nightwing really was…

…He was angry at Bruce for letting Dick out on patrol…

…He was angry at Alfred for letting Bruce put Nightwing on patrol…

…He was angry at Damian for not ripping into him for hurting Grayson the moment he’d arrived back at the manor…

…but, most of all, he was angry that he had to wait until now to find out that he was the reason Nightwing was a liability. Dick should have been able to tell him. When they’d spoken the first time about Dick’s required sabbatical from the police force –which Jason was now more than sure he caused –Dick should have felt like he could tell Jason the truth about it.

“It’s my fault,” Jason breathed as he took an unconscious step away from Dick.

He’d hurt Dick before when under the influence of the pit. He’d given him bruises, cuts, and a concussion. He’d threatened to shoot him or stab him several times, but he’d never actually gone through with it until that night half a year ago. It looked like one slip up was all it took, though. One night was all it took for the Red Hood to completely ruin Nightwing’s life.

“No,” Dick had dropped the clipping on top of a nearby crate. “No, Jay, it’s not. It’s my fault.”

Jason was shaking his head as two warm, tanned hands found their way to his cheeks.

“I could have killed you. I fucking shot you! How’s that not my fault?” Jason roughly removed Dick’s hands from his face. He couldn’t bring himself to drop those hands, however. It was the first time he’d touched Dick since coming back to Gotham and having his soft flesh beneath his own was comforting. He was being greedy. He should let Dick go and move on. Walk away from the conversation. Finish the puzzles. Get out of the room. He couldn’t, though, because as much as he wanted to push Dick away he wanted to pull him closer even more.

He wanted to fall to his knees and beg to be forgiven. To find the Flash and demand that he take him back in time so he could fix his fucking mistake.

“Jason,” Dick gripped Jason’s hands as tightly as the other man was gripping his, “this is why I didn’t tell you. I knew you’d blame yourself. It’s not your fault. Not entirely. Yes, you shot me, but I pushed you to it. I knew you were suffering from pit madness when I went after you. Roy had warned me, but I still pursued you. I knew you’d be angry when I interrupted your interrogation. I knew I’d have you feeling like a cornered animal. But I had to go after you. You hadn’t been answering my calls and I needed to talk to you. I kept seeing your pained expression when you found me with Rose. I wanted to fix everything,” Dick broke off for a second to steady his voice. “I wanted to fix everything so fucking much that I went after you even though I knew you weren’t in your right mind. I put myself in your way, knowing you were in a state where you were more of an exposed nerve than the man I’d fallen in love with.”

“How many times has Bruce told you that the pit’s lingering effects aren’t an excuse for my behavior?” Jason questioned. This time he really did let go of Dick’s hands.

“He’s wrong.”

“I use to think that,” Jason’s chuckle was without humor. “It was easy to justify the little bruises and scrapes I gave you when my eyes were Lazarus green. Bruises and scrapes are nothing compared to a gunshot wound. I used to tell myself that you could take it. That the little injuries I gave you didn’t matter because you’d dealt with worse and it wasn’t like I was doing anything fatal. Even in my pit induced state I’d always think, ‘This is Dick. You can’t hurt him.’ That night…that night, Dickie…That, goddamned, night I wasn’t thinking I couldn’t hurt you at all. You want to know what went through my brain right before I shot you?”

“What?” Dick’s voice wavered with false confidence.

“That you were in my fucking way.”

Dick shook his head. “It doesn’t…it doesn’t matter. You weren't prepared for an attack that strong. You hadn’t been that far under the Lazarus’s effects since you first showed back up in Gotham. It was too strong of an episode for you to battle. The hand that was holding your gun might have been yours, Jay, but I was looking into your eyes when your finger pulled the trigger and what I saw was green. You weren’t there, behind your eyes. Only the pit. It wasn’t you that shot me. It was the pit.”

“No,” Jason shook his head. He pivoted violently on his feet, going back to the wall of news clippings. He pulled three off the wall and tossed them at Dick’s feet. “It was me! The Red Hood…the Pit…Jason Todd…they’re all me. You can’t separate them anymore.”

Dick stepped over the articles about kills the Red Hood had made and reached out a hand for Jason.  “I can separate them because I know you better than the media or Bruce ever could. And even if the lines between your identities are blurred, it doesn’t matter. That’s what happens when you fall in love, Little Wing. You accept the person, flaws and all. I love you. Every part of you. It’s why I didn’t want to tell you about why I’m leaving the Police force. I love you so much that I don’t want you to blame yourself.”

Jason leaned against a stack of crates, leaving Dick’s outstretched arms empty. He didn’t say anything for a while. He only stared at Dick, watching as the older bird’s eyes glistened with unshed tears. Watching how Dick slowly lowered his arms and folded them around himself.

“I love you, Jason,” Dick sighed, “and whether or not you think my shoulder is your fault or not, I’m never going to blame you for it. It’s not your fault that I went out on patrol before fully healing and it’s not your fault that it probably led to why my shoulder never healed properly. The Police Force…that was a long time coming. I was slipping at work. Falling asleep in the patrol car and half-assing my case reports. Gordon just used my shoulder as an excuse to get rid of me without telling me that I was being a sucky cop.”

Jason let out a slow breath. Both he and Dick were silent for a while before he stated, “We’re a pretty fucked up pair.”

Dick gave a laugh and for the first time in months it was actually a real one. “Yeah, I guess we are.”

“You know,” Jason reached into his jacket and withdrew his mostly empty pack of cigarettes. He pulled the last one out of the carton and lit it with his red lighter. He took a moment to take a deep drag from the stick before continuing his thought. “You know, the first time I told you that I loved you I had hoped you’d take my words wrong and think I meant as a brother. I never saw you as a brother though. I knew the moment I met you that you were someone that I wanted to spend the rest of my life avoiding.”

Dick snorted. “Avoiding?”

“Yeah, because love gets you nowhere and I fell in love with you the moment I saw your baby blues.”

Dick hummed. “I thought you were annoying when we first met. Remember how I kept pushing you away?”

“Yeah?” Jason took another drag from his cigarette.

“It was a lie. When you died, it hurt.”

“Coming back wasn’t a joyride either,” the younger man joked.

Dick cracked a smile…a real one.

“You said you never saw me as a brother,” Dick continued after another few moments of silence. There was a soft, comfortable element to the air around them. Like their blowout over Dick’s shoulder was the storm they needed to move on. “Maybe that’s because we were never meant to be brothers. I can’t be your brother, Jason. I’ve tried these last two days. I’ve tried really fucking hard, but I can’t do it. Every time I see you, I want to kiss you. I want to hold you and be held by you. I want to cuddle up on the couch and critique lousy movies with you. I want what we had before I ruined it. I can’t ask you to forgive me, I don’t deserve it, and I understand why you don’t want to go back to being us, but I…”

“I never said that I didn’t want it,” Jason interrupted, “and I told you I already forgave you for Rose.”

“ _Do_ you want it?” Dick questioned hesitantly. “Because, if you don’t, that’s alright. I can’t be your brother, but maybe I can be your friend. I just want to be able to talk to you without pretending to be something we aren’t.”

“Dickie,” his name was a breath coming from Jason’s lips. “I do want it. I want us, but we broke each other. I’m already a mess. The last year is proof that there’s something really fucking wrong with me.”

“It’s proof that there’s something wrong with both of us, but we did better when we were together then when we were apart.”

“You seriously want to start this again, don’t you?” Jason scoffed. “I don’t know if that makes you suicidal or insane. Maybe both.”

“Maybe it just makes me hopeful. We can learn from our mistakes.”

“You always have been the more optimistic one.”

“I’m told its part of my charm.”

“Most of the time. Sometimes it can get real fucking annoying.”

Dick's face dropped.

“Not right now,” Jason corrected. “Just sometimes.”

“So, what do you say, Jaybird? Are we us again?”

The red bird took a long drag from his cigarette. He held the stick in front of him, watching the glowing tip and the smoke that he blew out of his mouth. There was a chance he was going to regret his next words, but he might regret it more if he never said them.

“Yeah. I guess we are.”

Dick full out grinned and Jason found himself with the other man’s arms wrapped around his neck. He about dropped his cigarette from surprise when Dick launched himself at him.

“Jaybird,” Dick breathed into his neck and Jason shivered at the feeling of the older bird's breath ghosting across his skin. “Thank you. I swear I’ll never screw up like that again. I love you.”

Jason didn’t return the sentiment. He still loved Dick but he’d admitted to his feelings long ago and they went almost a year without being returned. Up until that day, Dick had only told him once that he’d loved him and despite Jason feeling the same way, he couldn’t bring himself to say those words aloud. It’d take him sometime. He needed to get used to being with Dick again. This time they’d do it right though.

“Just so we’re clear,” Jason spoke up but not with the three words Dick wanted to hear, “So we don’t fuck this up again, we’re in a closed, official relationship.”

Dick pulled away from Jason to nod. “Yeah. We are.”

“Good.”

“Good,” Dick agreed.

The two stood there for a few moments, with Jason half holding Dick, before Jason caught the numbers on the timer above the door. Their time was out. He glanced at his watch and realized that they’d been in the room for nearly forty-five minutes. Yet, there’d been no sound indicating that the door had unlocked and the woman from earlier hadn’t come to remove them from the room.

“Well, fuck,” Jason wrapped an arm around Dick tighter so he could puff on his cigarette again.

“What?” the blue bird inquired.

“We’re out of time.”

Dick pulled away from Jason to look at the clock. “Heh, I guess we are. Looks like we’re buying Timmy and Dami hot chocolate.”

“Fuck that,” Jason laughed. “Those little shitheads cheated.”

Dick raised a brow.

“Oh, come on Dickie. We’ve been in here for almost an hour. You can’t tell me the lovely owners of this place wouldn’t have come to chase us out by now.”

 “Damn it,” Dick cursed and then laughed. “We’ve been set up.”

“We’ve been set up,” Jason agreed and then louder, for he knew that Tim had to have managed to hack into the building's sound system as well as their locks, said, “Okay Timmy, we’ve made up. You can let us out now.”

“Awe, but it’s so cute watching you two be all lovey dovey,” Tim’s voice cracked through the sound system.

“Actually, I find it to be quite sickening,” Damian added his two cents.

“Fuck off, demon spawn!” Jason stated.

“Open the door, Tim,” Dick requested.

There was an audible click as the lock on the door disengaged.

Jason slipped his arm around Dick’s shoulders as they approached the door. He guessed there were worse ways this outing could have ended. Being with Dick again was going to be different and there was still a lot they needed to talk about, not to mention trust would have to be earned back, but for now all that mattered was that he once again had Dick in his arms.

“Come on, you two,” Dick instructed as they passed by Tim and Damian at the front counter. “Hot chocolate’s on us.”


	12. His Reason to Panic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I'm just zipping through theses things tonight :) Don't you feel loved?

Hot chocolate was a good idea. Hot chocolate was always a good idea. Especially when it was spiked with stolen whiskey from the family liquor cabinet. Alfred liked to pretend that the boys didn’t know what went into his secret adult hot chocolate recipe. In fact, Jason was sure the old butler liked to pretend that the boys didn’t even know an adult version of his famous hot chocolate existed. Truth was, Jason had figured out what was in Bruce’s mug years ago. Long before Red Hood even came along. He’d been a kid, a little bird, when he’d accidentally discovered Alfred pouring whiskey into Bruce’s hot chocolate. He’d wondered what it’d taste like, at the time, but he hadn’t tried it until he was much older.

His first winter back in Gotham after rising from the grave, Jason had been missing the manor bad, though he’d never admit it if anyone asked. He’d taken down a thug who’d had a flask of whiskey on him. The flask had been a little less than half full and Jason had debated on drinking it straight, but then he’d stumbled past a coffee shop. The shop’s hot chocolate was nowhere near the perfection that was Alfred’s, but with the whiskey in it he’d been able to convince himself he was merely drinking the bottom of the crockpot made hot chocolate.

That had been some pretty shitty hot chocolate and he’d gone out shopping the next day to gather the ingredients to make Alfred’s recipe. He wished he was drinking that hot chocolate now…the good one…not the shitty one…but apparently the escape room hadn’t been enough ‘brotherly bonding time’, which it never really was any way considering it had all been a scheme created by Tim to get him and Dick back together.

Dick had decided to indulge their younger brothers by buying them hot chocolate even though the whole competition had been a set up. Which left Jason sitting in a brown booth, in a mostly glass building, with a paper cup of sub-par hot chocolate in front of him. He wanted to smoke. He wanted to go back to the manor and lock Dick in the screening room for the night. Well, maybe not the screening room. Maybe the main living room. The couches there were better and much more suited for cuddling than the stiff, straight backed chairs of the screening room.

Instead, Jason kept his gaze down. He was staring at the little snowman sticker the barista had put over the hole in his coffee lid. She’d been a pretty one and had batted her eyelashes at all three of the older brothers. Jason knew that beneath the cardboard ring around his coffee cup was scrawled her name and number, as it was also scrawled under the rings on both Dick and Tim’s cups.

 Damian hadn’t been given a number but had been given an enduring compliment that made him flustered. The look on the youngest bird’s face when the barista had called him a cute little man and said that she bet all the middle school girls were fawning over him, was priceless. Jason hadn’t even let Damian try to refute the lady’s assumption that he was in middle school. He’d clamped his hand over the boy’s mouth and pulled him in for a forced, over exaggerated hug, while saying, “That’s our little Dami! He’s going to be such a heart breaker when he’s old enough to date.”

He’d gotten a nasty set of teeth marks on his hand for that move, but It’d been worth it. Now Damian sat across from him, scowling down at his own coffee while Tim and Dick chittered beside them. The two hadn’t stopped talking since they sat down and oh had they been smart when they’d chosen the booth. It was wedged in a corner and they’d gotten both Damian and Jason to sit by the wall, effectively blocking them in and preventing them from escaping the coffee shop unless they really wanted to climb over the table.

Jason figured it didn’t matter though. It wasn’t like he wanted to leave. Damian might, but he was okay. As much as he wanted to be back at the manor or on his way to buy a new pack of cigarettes, he was fine in the booth. Why? Because Dick was sitting right next to him and every once in a while the older bird’s hand would slip beneath the table and grab Jason’s. A couple times Dick’s fingers had grazed Jason’s thigh. The red bird wasn’t convinced the graze had been an accident, though Dick had apologized for it the first time it occurred.

About thirty minutes into their little coffee adventure, as Dick and Tim still chittered away, a small ding sounded from Damian’s end of the booth. The boy tried to be nonchalant as he retrieved his phone but Jason noted the minute trace of hast in his movements. When a small, barely noticeable smile –which was more of a positive twitch of his lips –showed up on Damian’s face, Jason couldn’t stop himself from asking, “Is that the girl I’ve been hearing so much about?”

Instantly Damian had the attention of all three of his brothers. Dick was wearing a face splitting grin and Tim was smirking as he raised his coffee cup to his lips.

“Aww, little D is texting his crush,” Dick teased. “So adorable.”

“Shut up, Grayson!” Damian shot back and Jason wondered if the kid realized that he’d pulled his phone to his chest as if he were protecting it from prying eyes.

“She’s a cute one,” Tim chimed in and ended up coughing as he was promptly elbowed by Damian. “What? I didn’t say anything damaging! Why are you always so violent?”

“Tt,” Damian stated. “You deserve it.”

“Come on, baby bat,” Jason sneered, hoping to draw out Damian’s reaction. “At least give up a few details. Fuck I never even thought you’d have a crush let alone that a girl would actually, willingly text you…she is doing it willingly, right? You’re not black mailing her?”

“Fuck you, Todd!”

Jason snickered.

Dick scowled, “Damian, watch your language.”

“The fact that you let Todd curse and not me is a double standard.”

“No, it’s a right earned with maturity.”

“No, it’s because you don’t want father to be angered that you let me use such words.”

“Who the fuck cares?” Jason interrupted, “Because I sure don’t and Baby bird sure doesn’t. What I want to know is who this girl is.”

“Her name’s…”

“Drake, I swear I will murder you if you tell him a single thing more,” Damian interrupted Tim.

“Okay, okay, chill,” Tim was smirking as he spoke. “I won’t tell them anything.”

“You’re no fun,” Jason frowned.

“Sorry,” Tim shrugged. “A promise is a promise and he made me swear on my parents’ graves not to tell a single soul who she is when he told me. It was the only way I could get him to admit his feelings.”

Damian growled.

“And I think that’s our cue that brotherly bonding time is over,” Dick stated as he watched Damian’s face turn red.

Damian muttered something in Arabic as the four of them got up from the booth. Jason, Damian, and Dick all deposited their empty cups in the trashcan on their way out of the coffee shop. Tim, however, kept his. He was nursing his drink slowly and he let it sit in the cup holder of his car as he started the vehicle.

“Yo, Timbers? Stop at a station on the way back, will ya? I need to pick up another pack of smokes,” Jason requested. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the down turning of Dick’s lips and he knew that Damian was probably rolling his eyes from his seat up front, but he chose to focus on Tim’s nod instead of the other two’s obvious displeasure over his request.

“One would think that you would take more care of your body since you’ve known death,” Damian stated. So much for ignoring him and Dick and focusing on Tim’s acceptance. “I saw a video of a scientist testing the effect cigarettes have on the human body and after only twenty of them the lungs they were using for the test were completely black inside. How are you still breathing? Your lungs have to be charcoal by now.”

Jason opened his mouth to tell Damian the same thing he told Bruce every time the man thought he’d lecture his second son on the hazards of smoking, but to his surprise he didn’t manage to get the two word sentence out before Dick rose to defend him.

“Jason’s a grown man. He can do what he wants, Damian,” Dick chided.

“I am aware. I was merely stating that…”

“Damian,” the tone in which Dick said the name of the youngest was so close to the tone Batman used on patrol that it had all three of the other birds straightening their postures.

Damian didn’t speak again and Dick relaxed back against the seat. Tim was snickering and if the disgruntled sound Damian made was anything to go by then Tim was also muttering teases beneath his breath. Jason, however, didn’t care about the two in the front seat, or whether or not Tim was about to start an argument by taunting a chided Damian. He was too busy realizing that Dick, who hated smoking and had tried to convince him to quit several times in the past, had just come to his defense and fought for Jason’s right to do whatever the fuck he wanted.

Tim pulled into the first gas station they came upon. He didn’t say anything as he parked to let Jason out, but Damian did.

“E-cigarettes. That’s all I’m saying!” Damian exclaimed and then made a very undignified, wounded animal-like sound as Dick kicked the back of his seat, hard.

Jason didn’t stick around to witness the rest of the argument that he was sure took place. Instead he quickly made his way to the gas station checkout and requested two packs of his favorite cigarettes and a new lighter. After paying for them, he stuffed them into his jacket pocket and walked back out into the cold air. It was barely noon but the sky was as dark as the evening with the snow clouds hanging from it. He jammed his hands into the pockets of his jeans as he walked to Tim’s car. When he entered the vehicle he was surprised to find it deathly silent.

“You ready?” Tim smiled at him through the rearview mirror.

Jason raised a brow. “Yeah. What’s with the silence?”

“Damian’s pouting and Dick’s brooding.”

“I’m not brooding.”

“I’m not pouting.”

Tim rolled his eyes. “Whatever you say.”

Jason spared a look at Dick, noticing how tired the other man seemed to be. There was a slight frown to his lips and the dark lines Jason had noticed beneath his eyes in the escape room were still present. He made a mental note to make sure Dick slept that night. As he reached over to grab Dick’s hand and intertwine their fingers together, he was already planning on just how he’d make sure the older man slept.

He thought that maybe he could convince Dick to take the night off patrol and go to bed early, but when he suggested it Dick had stated, “I’ve patrolled on less sleep than this, little wing. I’ll be fine.”

So Jason took his case to Bruce.

“B, Wing needs to sleep. You said he was a liability anyway. Why not give him the night off?” Jason had spoken softly to Bruce as the patriarch readied himself for patrol. The other birds were meandering around the cave, putting on their gauntlets, lacing their boots, making sure they had an ample supply of bird-a-rangs and smoke pellets, and over all just preparing for patrol.

Bruce had actually contemplated his second son’s words before he called out loud enough for all the other birds to hear, “Jason, suit up. You’re on patrol tonight.”

“Alright!” Nightwing grinned. “I call being his patrol partner!”

Bruce shook his head. “Nightwing, you’re on computer tonight.”

Instantly Dick’s grin was gone. “What?”

“What?” Jason agreed. He thought he’d made it clear that Dick needed to sleep.

“Oracle is with her family,” Bruce pulled his cowl on, “and it is not fair to ask Alfred to monitor the computer when he is already busy preparing for Christmas. Nightwing, you are on computer detail.”

“Is this because I’m a liability?” Dick spoke through clenched teeth. “I’ve had a couple off nights but I can still do my job.”

“What you’ve had is a couple of off _months_ ,” Bruce corrected. “You’re on computer detail and that is final.”

Dick stomped away to the computer. He violently ripped off his domino mask and slipped on the computer headset.

“He needs to sleep,” Jason hissed as he walked past Bruce.

Bruce caught his wrist, effectively stopping him from approaching his gear. “He will. Criminal activity has been low. There is a storm coming in so I doubt much will occur tonight. He is going to get bored and when he gets bored he’ll…”

“Fall asleep at the computer,” Jason finished the thought.

Bruce nodded and let go of Jason. “Despite what you may think, I do know all four of you boys as well as I know myself. And I know that sending Dick to his room will not work. He’d be up and on patrol if I didn’t give him a task that required him stay in the cave.”

Jason gave a curt nod and went to put his gear on. Batman and Robin took off while he was still suiting up and Red Robin headed out as Jason grabbed his helmet. Before he left, however, he swung by the computer and dropped a quick kiss on Dick’s mouth.

When the blue bird’s lips responded eagerly to his, Jason didn’t want to pull away. He wanted to pull Dick up from the chair and to one of their rooms, but he had patrol to go on and with their history they should really think about taking things slower this time. They weren’t just fuck buddies this time around. They were two people with feelings for the other that the other was aware of. It made the whole ordeal more intimate and a little bit more intimidating.

“I’ll be back in a couple hours,” Jason breathed against Dick’s mouth. “Maybe, if you’re lucky, we’ll share a bed tonight.”

Dick hummed, “That’d be nice. I’ve missed you.”

Jason didn’t return the sentiment though he did offer the other man a smirk before leaving another kiss on Dick’s lips. Dick whined a little when Jason pulled away to put his helmet on.

“When I get back, babe,” Jason promised before moving towards his bike. He was already behind the others and if he stayed any longer he wouldn’t be leaving the cave at all. Then Bruce would have his hide for ditching them.

Patrol was as quiet as Bruce predicted. Jason had taken down a couple of petty thefts trying to hot-wire a car and stopped an ally mugging, but other than that nothing exciting happened. He’d even stopped by Penguin’s lounge, hopping for some trouble, but what he found was a holiday decked out place and a bunch of jolly criminals who seemed content to ride out the forecasted storm within the walls of the Iceberg Lounge.

“It’s quiet tonight,” Red Robin’s voice sounded in Jason’s ear as he watched the line outside of Penguin’s lounge get shorter as people were allowed entrance.

He was on a nearby roof, leaning against some piping when the other red bird’s voice interrupted his thoughts.

“Think B would let us off early?” Jason inquired.

“He let Nightwing and I off early last night,” Tim reminded. “There’s a chance. Have you heard from Nightwing recently?”

“No. Not for an hour. He told me there was absolutely nothing on the scanners.”

“Same here. We should check in with B.”

“Red Hood to Batman, You hear us?”

“I hear you,” Bruce’s voice came over the com line.

“Where’s all the bad guys?” Tim questioned lightheartedly.

“They’re over here with me at the Iceberg Lounge,” Jason stated. “They’re all drunk off their asses and singing shitty Christmas songs.”

“Penguin must be serving some pretty good eggnog,” Tim remarked.

“Todd, are you drinking with the villains?” Damian’s voice was scandalized.

“Pst, I have better company to drink with, short stack,” Jason responded.

“Was there a report by the lounge?” Bruce inquired.

“Nah. I was just bored and thought I’d survey the joint. Waste of time. Nothing’s happened.”

“The snow’s starting to pick up and the temperature has dropped twenty-five degrees since we left the cave,” Bruce stated. “It’s time to call it a night. Everyone back to the cave.”

“I hope A has some of his hot chocolate ready when we get back,” Tim said.

“Mmmm,” Jason hummed in agreement. “Maybe we can get some of the adult kind this year.”

“Huh?” Damian questioned.

“You’re delusional,” Jason and Tim could both hear the smirk in Bruce’s voice.

Tim and Jason chatted through the com line on the way back to the cave and when Jason arrived he found Damian and Tim heading towards the showers and Bruce putting away his suit, his back to Jason.

“I told you he’d fall asleep,” Bruce said without even turning around to look at his second robin.

Jason smiled beneath his helmet. Nightwing was indeed passed out in the computer chair. A little bit of drool was dribbling down his cheek and his head was propped up on his hand at an odd angle that Jason was sure would leave an ache in his wrist.

“Damian told me you and he have worked everything out,” Bruce continued to speak.

Jason shrugged. “I don’t know about everything but we’ve worked out enough, I guess.”

“Good.  You made it hard to shop for him this Christmas.”

“Huh?” gloved fingers worked at the latches on a red helmet.

“Every time someone asked him what he wanted he’d said he wanted you home. I ended up getting him an espresso machine because Damian stated that the one at his apartment was unfit to be used.”

“Shit,” Jason muttered as a shot of panic ran through him. Bruce’s remark made him remember the gifts he had wrapped and sitting upstairs in his bedroom closet. The gifts that were for everyone but Dick.

Bruce’s dark brows raised a bit. “Excuse me?”

“I forgot about Dick’s gift,” Jason hissed quietly, not wanting to wake Dick up and have him hear their conversation.

“You forgot?”

“Maybe it was intentional, but I was pissed at the time,” Jason admitted. “Shit. Fuck. I have three days to get him a gift. What the hell am I going to do?”

“Jason, language,” Bruce stated. “You need to relax. You’ve already gotten him the one thing he wanted. Like I said, he told everyone that what he wanted for Christmas was to have you home.”

“That’s a shitty gift,” Jason responded. “I’ve got to get him something else. Do you know what the others got him?”

Bruce shook his head. “Only Damian. Who’s giving him a picture he drew.”

Jason groaned. “Maybe I can talk Baby bird into shopping with me tomorrow. Or Alfred. Alfred’s always been great at picking out gifts.”

“With the storm that’s coming in you might not be able to go shopping tomorrow,” Bruce reminded.

“Shit. I forgot about that.”

Bruce sighed. “Language.”

“No,” Jason responded. “Shit. Fuck. Shitty, fuckity, fuck, fuck.”

Dick stirred as Jason’s voice grew in volume.

“Jay?” blue eyes blinked blurrily. “What’s with all the cursing? Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” Jason hung his helmet on his bike before going over to his boyfriend. Bruce didn’t say anything, or stick around, he slipped away into the shadows like only Batman could. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Dick blinked again. He looked between the computer and Jason. “Did I fall asleep?”

Jason nodded with a smile. “Yeah, babe.”

“Damn,” Dick groaned. “Bruce must be pissed.”

“Nah. He’s cool with it. He expected it.”

“What?”

“We could all tell you were tired. You still look tired.”

“I am, but someone promised that if I did computer detail I wouldn’t have to sleep alone tonight.”

Jason grinned and swept down to give Dick a kiss. “I think that someone can keep their promise.”

As he and Dick made their way up to Dick’s room, Jason kept one arm around his boyfriend’s shoulders and his thoughts on the gift he’d neglected to purchase. He didn’t care what Bruce said, he had to get Dick something.


	13. His Reason to Smoke

Jason had always been the more organized one. Even back when he was Robin, a teenager, he kept his room cleaner than Dick ever had. He’d never understood how Dick could just drop his things around his room and not care that they weren’t put away. In the same way, Dick had never understood why Jason wouldn’t toss his jacket on the floor occasionally. It wasn’t that Jason was OCD, he just liked things to be clean and organized. And it wasn’t that Dick was dirty, he’d just rather kick his shoes off while on the couch then walk all the way over to the door to sit them on the mat neatly. Which was why Dick was now seated on his own bed while Jason wandered around his room with his laundry hamper.

A snow storm had hit Gotham late two days before. Now, on Christmas Eve, it was still in full swing. The lights inside the manor had remained steady as the wind whistled outside the windows. The grounds were coated in so much snow that nothing was visible. The snow still falling was so thick that even looking out the window came with limited visibility, which had prevented patrol the last couple of nights, not that Dick was complaining. He’d much rather laze around the manor with Jason instead of sitting in front of the cave computer while the rest of his family were given the privilege of taking on the city’s criminals.

And sitting around the manor with Jason had been nice. It’d been more than nice, really. Dick had found himself not wanting to be without Jason since they’d gotten back together. His dreams at night had become about him losing the younger bird all over again. He knew that this time they made sure to state that their relationship was official, but he was scared that he was going to mess up again. He was scared that he was going to blink and all his happiness would be gone. It’d happened before, after all. Not just with Jason…

_“Dick, look, I’m sorry, but I can’t do this. I love you, but not like that. I tried too. Truly, I did, but I have to call off our engagement.”_

_“You know I’ll always love you boy wonder, but I don’t feel like marriage is for us. I’m sorry. It’s not you, it’s me.”_

_“Rose, fucking, Wilson?!”_

Dick couldn’t help but flinch as he thought about how easily his world could shatter around him. He loved being in a relationship. He loved pampering and doting on his lovers. He loved holding them and being held by them. Yet, he never seemed to be enough for them. It made him wonder if he’d ever known where he stood with any of them. Maybe he’d read all his relationships wrong…what if he’d end up reading his and Jason’s wrong? What if he couldn’t make Jason as happy as Jason made him?

Black hair fell in front of blue eyes as the oldest Robin shook his head. No, he shouldn’t allow himself to think about the possibility of failure related to his and Jason’s relationship. He should be enjoying his time with his boyfriend, not overthinking. He should be sitting curled up on the couch, next to Jason, with a black and white western playing on the television just like they had the night before. He should even be in the kitchen with Alfred, decorating a gingerbread house with Jason. He smirked at the memory of doing just that only the afternoon before.

_“That’s too much frosting, Dickhead,” Jason had warned, but of course Dick hadn’t listened and all the candy he placed on the roof of their gingerbread house slid off._

_Alfred had chuckled as he rolled up the white sleeves of his shirt and helped Damian finish filling a piping bag with white frosting. A yellow rubber band was tied around the end of the piping bag and Damian set to work of adding delicate strokes of icing to the roof of his and Tim’s gingerbread house._

_“The hatchlings are going to fucking win if we don’t get some goddamn candy to stay on this house,” Jason frowned and Dick had stared down at their white covered house guiltily._

_When Tim had suggested a gingerbread house decorating contest, Jason had jumped at the idea and had immediately declared Dick his teammate. Dick was more than sure the red bird was regretting doing such as they stared down at their practically ruined home._

_“You know,” Jason suddenly declared and Dick found two large hands slipping over his own, which had gone slack around the icing bag he was still holding. “I was wrong. You’re a fucking genius, you know that, Dickie?”_

_“Huh?” Dick had blinked in confusion. “what are you talking about?”_

_“Our house is in a snowstorm! I love it! Here, I’ll press some candy on the top and you cover it in icing okay? We’ll make it look like it’s snowing just as hard in gingerbread land as it is now.”_

In the end, their gingerbread house had been dripping with icing while Damian and Tim’s had looked like it’d come out of a catalog, but it hadn’t mattered. What had mattered was how Jason had grinned when they’d completed their house and how he’d swiped a finger though the frosting, smiling when his lips closed around it.

_“Mmm, Dickie, you’ve got to taste this.”_

The frosting had been sweet but it had been Jason taking another finger full of frosting and pressing it to Dick’s lips that had set off butterflies in his stomach. It had been the smirk that Jason gave when Dick lightly sucked the frosting off that finger that had Dick fluttering his eyes closed and Alfred coughing to breakup their moment.

 “Babe, will you put the hamper down?” Dick requested with a smile as he recalled the last two days. Jason continued to gather a pile of Dick’s clothes off the floor and discarded them in the blue hamper he’d been carrying around the room with him.

Dick was laying on the center of his bed, on his stomach. Alfred kept the manor warm enough that he was able to comfortably go without a shirt, though he still wore a pair of worn black sweatpants and white socks. He had his arms folded beneath his head, and his chin resting on them, as he watched his boyfriend work.

“Will you clean up your own shit?” Jason responded as he scowled at a shirt he swiped from where it was hanging off the arm of Dick’s desk chair.

“I promise I’ll have my room clean by diner if you come lay with me for a bit.” Dick tried and then applauded himself as he thought of an excellent excuse for Jason to stop cleaning and join him on the bed, “Don’t you need a smoke break?”

Jason snorted. “You’re bringing up my precious nicotine?  You really want me to stop, don’t you?”

Dick took full advantage of the fact that he knew Jason couldn’t resist his blue eyes and he widened them as he let his bottom lip jut out a little. “Please?”

With a roll of his eyes and a deep chuckle, Jason set the hamper down and flopped beside Dick unceremoniously. The comfortable mattress gave beneath Jason, adjusting to his form as he laid back and folded his arms behind his head. Dick sat up so he could copy Jason’s position.

“Thank you,” the blue bird leaned over and pecked the younger man’s cheek before completely turning so he could bury his nose in Jason’s neck.

Inhaling brought a comforting scent to Dick’s nostrils. It was a scent that a week ago he was sure he’d never get to enjoy again. Smoke, spice, and Jason’s own natural musk. It immediately set Dick at peace as he hummed and allowed his lips to ghost over the skin beneath Jason’s left ear.

The younger man shivered as Dick continued to trail his mouth down his neck. He was kissing him. There was no pressure behind those lips. Instead, it was a soft caress. A light tickle. It was strangely more intimate than any kiss ever could be. Like Dick was worshiping him.

Jason let out a soft, pleased sound as his boyfriend began to mouth around the collar of his shirt. He moved an arm out from under his head to wrap it around Dick and settle it in his raven hair. He let his fingers card through Dick’s hair, caressing and petting it as his eyes slipped closed beneath Dick’s soft touch.

“I’ve missed you,” Dick said for what felt like the thousandth time since they’d rekindled their relationship.

“I know,” Jason responded as he’d started developing the habit to. He felt Dick’s lips twitch and assumed it was out of annoyance, for even though Dick hadn’t told him, he knew that his lack of returning Dick’s sentiments was starting to bug the other man. He hadn’t said he’d missed Dick when he was told that he was missed, he hadn’t said that he’d loved Dick when he was told that he was loved, and he knew that it was starting to irritate Dick. He only felt slightly bad for it, though. For, he’d said as much before their relationship had ended and Dick had only now responded in like. To be honest, the first time he’d told Dick that he’d loved him had taken more strength than he’d ever thought it would. He’d never been good at the sappy, sentimental crap like Dick had. It wasn’t as easy for him to say such things…despite wanting to.

“I love you,” Dick’s breath tickled Jason’s collarbone and he felt his heart clench as he wished to say those words back. When he tried, however, they got stuck in his throat and all he managed to get out was a low hum of acknowledgement.

Dick must have chosen to ignore Jason’s hum as he rolled so he was laying on top of Jason, his legs on either side of his boyfriend’s. He continued to mouth at Jason’s collarbone for a moment longer before slowly sitting up. His hands trailed down Jason’s chest, coming to rest on the red fabric covering Jason’s abdomen. Cerulean eyes met teal ones as Dick made sure Jason was looking at him when he said, “I really have missed you. I’m glad we’re back together. When you told Bruce that you wouldn’t come back to the manor unless I wasn’t here, I was sure that this was going to be the worst Christmas ever.”

Jason reached up and brushed part of Dick’s hair away from his eyes. He liked how shaggy it’d gotten in his absence, it gave Dick more of a boyish appearance, but he wanted to see those baby blues.

“I decided it didn’t matter though. I told Bruce that I was leaving and that I’d let you know that you could come home. He wasn’t happy about it. He said I was acting childish. That we both were,” Dick paused to take a breath to steady himself. “I gave him the gift I got you and told him to only give it to you if you wanted it. I figured you’d be too pissed at me to accept it but I’d bought it for you before you left. It was supposed to be a surprise, but I never had the chance to give it to you. I still wanted you to have it, though, even if I couldn’t see your face when you opened it.”

“Dick…”

“I’m glad you made me come back. I’d much rather be here, with you now, than eating Chinese take-out and pretending that I’m not a grown man watching Rudolph alone.” The smile Dick gave was soft, “And now I get to see you open your gift too.”

“Yeah…about that…,” Jason sat up and urged Dick off his lap. He didn’t want to admit what he was about to, but with the snow storm still raging he knew he’d either have to admit it now or the next day. And he’d rather not do it in front of the whole family. “I was pretty pissed off at you when I went Christmas shopping.”

“Yeah, I bet,” Dick acknowledged.

“I didn’t…Dick, I…Fuck, I didn’t get you a gift,” Jason closed his eyes, not wanting to see the disappointment he was sure would be on Dick’s face. To his surprise, a weight resettled on his lap and a soft chuckle caressed his ears.

“Little wing.”

Jason opened his eyes in confusion as Dick rested his arms on his shoulders. Dick was grinning, his eyes were shining, and one of his hands was slipping up into the hair at the nape of Jason’s neck.

“Don’t be ridiculous. You got me the best gift ever.”

“Dick, I’m not joking. I seriously didn’t fucking get you anything.”

“Yes, you did,” Dick leaned in so his lips were hovering above Jason’s. “Didn’t anyone tell you? All I wanted for Christmas this year was you.”

Jason didn’t respond at first when Dick’s lips pressed against his. In his mind, Dick should be angry with him, not kissing him, but he wasn’t going to let a moment to kiss Dick float by unused. Just as Dick was about to pull away, Jason leaned forward and firmly pressed his lips against Dick’s.

The small, raspy moan that caught in Dick’s throat when Jason surged forward was enough to make him smirk. He wrapped his arms around the other man and flipped them so that Dick was beneath him. He groaned into their kiss as one of Dick’s long legs wrapped itself around his waist, pulling him even closer to the body beneath his.

“I love you,” Dick repeated his sentiment from earlier, though this time Jason took advantage of the gap Dick’s words left between his lips, and peeked his tongue inside the other bird’s mouth. Dick went slack in Jason’s arms as he allowed his boyfriend to explore his mouth.

Slowly, Jason coaxed Dick’s own tongue into action. Dick was making little noises as he threaded both of his hands in Jason’s hair and tugged slightly. The tug felt glorious and Jason had to pull away from the kiss to gasp. He smirked as he stared down at Dick, who wore a wide smile.

Both birds were panting, trying to catch their breath, as Jason rested his forehead against Dick’s. He dropped a quick, innocent kiss to Dick’s mouth before saying, “You taste like peppermint.”

Dick laughed. “I raided the kitchen earlier. Don’t tell Alfred.”

“Peppermint patties?”

“No,” Dick lightly shook his head. “Almond bark with peppermint chips.”

“Ah,” Jason responded before placing a lazy kiss on Dick’s forehead. “I might have to sneak some of those away later.”

“If Damian hasn’t gotten to them first. He and Tim were creating a plan to steal the gingerbread men and almond bark as I left the kitchen.”

“Those two…I thought they were dangerous separate but together they’re a lethal weapon. When did they start getting along so well?”

“About the time Damian started texting Maps.”

“Maps?” Jason supported himself on his elbows, so he was hovering over Dick. Dick’s leg was still wrapped around his waist, but he wasn’t about to point it out to the bird below him for he quite liked it there.

“Shhhh,” Dick held a finger up to his grin. “I’m not supposed to know her name. She goes to school with Dami.”

“I wonder how she got him and Timmy to get along.”

“I actually think Damian went to Tim for help in talking to her.”

“Seriously? The Prince of Gotham didn’t know how to talk to a girl?”

“Be nice,” Dick chided. “We didn’t know how to talk to girls at his age either. I had no idea what I was doing when I started dating, sometimes I think I don’t even know what I’m doing now.”

“I hear ya,” Jason agreed with a smirk. “I’m going to have to find out who this Maps girl is, though. Gotta have something to hold over baby bat’s head.”

“Well, if you find out anything you should share. I don’t know much. He and Tim are pretty hush-hush about the whole affair.”

“I will,” Jason promised. “And how are Timmy and the clone doing? I haven’t heard much about their relationship since I got back. He’s spending the holidays at the Kent farm, right?”

“Yeah. As far I know, they’re doing _really_ well,” Dick informed. “They were a bit bummed that they wouldn’t be spending Christmas together but they both wanted to be with their families.”

“That’s what I like to hear,” Jason rolled off Dick and sat beside him. He let his legs dangle off the bed as he rested his elbows on them. “Now the only one of us that needs paired up is the big ol’ bat himself.”

“And Alfred.”

“Pst,” Jason scoffed. “Been there. Tried that. He wasn’t amused.”

“You tried setting Alfred up? When?” Dick raised a quizzical brow.

“Back when I was Robin. Tried to set him up with my home economics teacher. Mrs. Russel. She was a nice old lady. I thought they’d get along fine. Alfred said he was much too old for teenage shenanigans, though, and never let me introduce him to her.”

Dick laughed and stretched his arms above his head, or tried to as his left arm wouldn’t raise all the way. As Jason stood to look for his cigarettes, he heard his blue bird’s shoulder pop. Dick gave a low moan and rolled his shoulders before letting both of his arms fall back to the bed.

“You really need to get that shoulder looked at, babe,” Jason rummaged through his jacket and then patted his jeans’ pockets as he couldn’t find his cigarettes.

“I have,” Dick stated and lolled his head to the side lazily so he could watch Jason. “Dr. Leslie says I just need some more therapy for it. In a few months I should regain eighty-five percent mobility.”

“Only eighty-five?”

“It’s not reasonable to expect a hundred. I’ve dinged this shoulder up a lot in the past. It’s like B’s back. One of these day’s it’s just going to quit,” Dick frowned. “What are you looking for?”

“My smokes. You seen ‘em?”

“You left them on the bed this morning,” Dick informed. “I didn’t want to accidentally crush them so I put them in the nightstand.”

“You picked something up? I’m shocked,” Jason grinned.

Dick stuck his tongue out at his boyfriend as Jason opened the nightstand to grab his pack of cigarettes. When a confused line marred Jason’s peaceful features, Dick sat up slightly and asked, “What’s wrong?”

“I never left a pack in your room here before I left…,” Jason trailed off, “and I know my current one only has four left in it, sadly. So why’s there another half full pack in here with mine?”

“Oh. That.” Dick could feel his face heating up. “I forgot about that one.”

“Is there a reason your face looks like a cherry?” Jason raised a brow as he lit one of his own cigarettes, not caring that he was in Dick’s room since ashtrays had magically found their way into every room at the manor.

Dick folded his legs beneath him and leaned back on his hands. With a shrug he said, “I told you, I missed you.”

Jason took a moment to let the meaning of Dick’s words sink in. He blinked, exhaled smoke, and then said, “Are you telling me that you bought a pack of smokes, and used them, because you missed me?”

“It was only the one pack,” Dick grumbled like he was a teenager who just got caught smoking by his father.

“But you don’t smoke. You’ve always hated that I do.”

“I know, but…”

“But what?”

Dick hesitated.

“Dickie?”

“They tasted like you,” Dick admitted with a sheepish smile. “Sometimes I’d dream of how hurt you looked when you found Rose at my place and I’d wake up crying. I wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep. Not at first. The cigarettes helped. Their flavor brought different dreams. They were brief and normally ended up turning bad, but for a few moments I wouldn't be dreaming of you leaving. I’d be dreaming of us, on my couch…of your lips and your taste…your touch…,” with each word, Dick’s cheeks darkened.

Jason move to stand in front of Dick. “You haven’t smoked them since we’ve gotten back together, right?”

“Right.”

“Good. I’ll be confiscating them. I don’t want you to use them.”

“Why?”

Jason grinned. “Because smoking’s my thing and I don’t think Bruce could handle it if he found out his golden boy was practicing the nasty habits of his prodigal son.”

Dick chuckled. “Okay, I promise. No more smoking. As long as I get to keep kissing you.”

“Anytime you want, babe,” Jason smirked before leaning down to capture Dick’s lips in another kiss. It really was good to be back home.


	14. His Reason for Kisses and Gifts

Christmas in Gotham was as cold as could be and in any normal home the children were stirring as they prepared to run to their trees.  Parents were waking to their children jumping on their beds and kids were squealing in glee as they discovered that the cookies they’d left out for Santa Clause had been eaten. All across the city, lights were turning on, despite the far too early hour. The sun itself was still asleep and the snow storm had slowed considerably.

In the Wayne household, the morning was still. The only child in the home was fast asleep in his bed, not caring about the plate of Christmas cookies his older brothers had forced him to set out the night before. He’d gone to bed knowing that the glass of milk that’d accompanied the cookies would be consumed by his pet cat sometime in the night and his dreams were not dancing full of sugar plumes.

Down the hall, the boy’s father slept with his curtains drawn closed and his blankets pulled up around him. Even the butler and the boy’s brothers were asleep. All of the boy’s brothers but one.

Dick lay awake in his bed, staring at the bright blue numbers on his digital clock. It was five in the morning and patrol had been canceled the night before, as it had been for two nights before that, so he really should be sleeping. Yet, he couldn’t contain his excitement or the giddy smile that came to his face whenever he thought about what day it was.

It was Christmas day and not only did he get exactly what he’d wished for the holiday he’d also awoke with said wish’s arms wrapped tightly around him. Jason’s heat at his back was comforting. The chin that rest atop his head was a weight of safety. He could feel the other man’s chest rise and fall with each breath and it made him smile.

For the second year in a row, Jason was home for Christmas and this year would be their first together as a couple. He planned to take full advantage of the mistletoe hung around the manor and of how the soft glow of the Christmas tree lights created a romantic atmosphere. He was determined to make this the best Christmas either of them ever had and to make it so great that after it was over Jason wouldn’t even remember that he had an apartment, a job, and an entirely different life waiting for him back in Star City. He’d try his damnest and wish upon every star, he’d say his prayers, and worship Jason just to make sure that this Christmas was the one that would convince the other man to stay with him in Gotham.

Jason’s life in Star City had troubled Dick since they’d gotten back together, but he hadn’t wanted to mention it in fear that it would ruin them all over again. He’d learned from Tim that Jason had a good life going for him in the other city. He had an apartment, a steady job, and had gotten away from the vigilante life. Though Red Hood hadn’t been officially retired for the months that Jason had been gone, he had been unofficially retired and Dick worried that the life Jason had built with himself inside that false retirement would be so alluring that he’d want to try to make their relationship work over long distance. That was not something the blue bird wanted.

Dick wanted Jason to remain in Gotham. What he really wanted was to share his apartment with Jason, but he knew that suggesting such could be too much. Even if Jason moved back in with Roy, it’d be much better than the red bird leaving Gotham. And if Jason did still want to return to Star City after the holidays, maybe Dick could see if he could go with him. After all, if Bruce wasn’t going to use him on patrol then maybe Nightwing could unofficially retire too.

With a hum of contentment Dick turned over and snuggled into Jason’s chest. He breathed in Jason’s scent, which was all smoke and spice. There was an underlying, subtle apple smell from the soap the younger bird had used when he’d showered before they’d gone to bed. Dick buried his nose in the dip of Jason’s throat and breathed in deeply. A grin graced his face as Jason shifted, the arms around him drew him closer and Jason unconsciously buried his own nose in Dick’s hair.

If it were any other Christmas, Dick would be sitting up and throwing his covers off. He’d be bounding down the hall and waking up everyone in the manor, acting like the child Damian was supposed to be. Damian would scold him for his antics, of course, and Tim would give a weak protest before trudging down the hall with heavy eyes, but Dick would still get the family gathered around the tree at the early hour. This year, however, he had something –or rather, someone –to keep him rooted in bed through the morning.

The year before, when Dick had attempted to wake Jason up early for Christmas morning, he’d bene gifted with the sight of Jason’s gun pointed directly at his head. A muffled, “Fuck off, Dickhead, before I blow your goddamn head off,” had accompanied the barrel that Dick had found himself staring down. Needless to say, Dick had quickly left Jason’s room after that, but was pleased when the other man made his way down stairs only minutes later. An erect middle finger had been directed the oldest bird’s way as the second walked straight past him to sit in one of the comfy chairs.

This year, Dick had a different plan to wake Jason up. He wasn’t going to come barreling into Jason’s room at five in the morning, singing We Wish You a Merry Christmas, and then proceed to yank the younger man’s covers away from him. No, this year he’d give Jason a much more pleasant awakening and, hopefully, the response he got to it wouldn’t be a gun or a death threat.

“Jaybird,” Dick cooed as he placed a kiss on Jason’s collarbone. “Little Wing. Baby. Darling. Dear. Jay. Sweet heart. Love.” With each endearment, he left a kiss. His lips slowly making their way up Jason’s neck.

Jason did little more than shift and tighten his arms around Dick, which proved to do nothing since the blue bird was already pressed as tightly to Jason as he could possibly get.

“Baby,” Dick breathed directly on Jason’s ear and laughed softly as Jason’s head twitched in sleepy annoyance. “Time to wake up, Jaybird.”

“Mmmmm,” Jason tilted his head and nuzzled Dick’s hair with his nose before resting his cheek atop its soft strands. He didn’t open his eyes when he mumbled, “What time is it?”

Dick almost didn’t want to answer, for he knew that Jason was not an early bird. As far as Jason was concerned, mornings sucked and some other bird could eat the so-called worm. He wasn’t going to crawl out of the warm bed any sooner than he had to.

“Never mind,” Dick once again buried his nose in Jason’s neck and breathed in the younger man’s scent. He should just let Jason sleep. After all, waking him up at what Jason would deem to be a ‘godforsaken hour’ would make an unhappy Jaybird, and an unhappy Jaybird would ruin Dick’s goal of a perfect Christmas.

“Hmmm,” Jason blinked and when his gaze caught the numbers on Dick’s alarm clock he groaned. “5:30 in the morning? Are you ever going to outgrow this childish obsession of yours with early hours on Christmas morning?”

Dick hummed in pretend thought for a moment before responding, “Nope.”

Jason made a noise that sounded halfway between a grunt and a laugh. Dick grinned and sucked on the soft flesh of Jason’s collarbone. The noise was cut off with a gasp and then Dick suddenly found himself on his back, arms pinned to either side of his head, and Jason hovering over him with a predatory smile.

“That’s not playing fair,” Jason’s morning voice was hot. It was husky and just on the right side of rough. Dick’s cock gave an interested twitch at the sound of it and it had the shorter bird squirming slightly. Thankfully, Jason was positioned just right above him that he wouldn’t feel Dick’s reaction unless he suddenly dropped his weight. That would be an incident that could be both good and bad. Good because Dick would be able to press his hips up into Jason’s and gain the friction his straining cock desired. Bad because Dick hadn’t been with anyone sexually since Jason had left and he was more than sure he’d be forced to endure an early ejaculation. If that happened, he’d probably die of embarrassment.

“If it works, it works,” Dick smirked up at his boyfriend, trying his hardest to keep his tone playful and not to allow the butterflies in his stomach to shake his voice.

Jason shook his head and Dick had the sudden urge to run his hand through the younger bird’s silky hair. He restrained himself, however, due to Jason still holding his hands down beside his head.

“What am I going to do with you, early bird?”

Dick hummed and softened his smirk into a lazy smile.

“What do I have to do to keep you in bed for at least another hour?” Jason questioned.

A whirlwind of scenarios flew through Dick’s head. He thought of all the dirty little things he could request from Jason, as well as some that were more innocent. A blow job? A cuddle? A heated kiss? Some slow grinding? All of the above sounded pleasing, but which to choose?

He settled on saying, “Love me.”

“I already do,” Jason responded and Dick felt his heart leap with joy. That was the closest Jason had come to verbally returning Dick’s feelings since their reunion and he’d be lying if he said that he wasn’t striving to hear those three words fall from the other man’s lips.

With acrobatic grace, Dick slipped one of his legs out from where it was pinned between Jason’s and wrapped it around his boyfriend’s waist in a position that he happened to know Jason enjoyed.

“Prove it,” he’d meant the words to come out boldly, like he was challenging the man above him, but instead they’d come out soft and ringing with a tone that was too close to insecurity for comfort.

“Was that a question or a statement, babe?” Jason teased and leaned so his body weight was resting against Dick. The older man gasped as the outline of Jason’s heavy manhood pressed into his own. Jason’s mouth moved to Dick’s ear, his breath tickling its shell as he said, “Because I’ve got no problem proving it.”

Dick choked on a moan as he felt Jason slide his hands up his wrists and intertwine their fingers as the hips above his started slowly rocking. The leg he had around the red bird’s waist pulled those hips tighter against his as he raised his own to meet Jason’s grinding.

Jason’s tongue was slithering around the outside of Dick’s ear. Licking and caressing the shell before sliding down his jaw and to his neck. Unconsciously, Dick tilted his head so he could offer the expanse of his neck to his boyfriend, who hummed in approval at the sight.

Dick’s leg that wasn’t wrapped around Jason’s waist bent with the intention of joining its twin. However, it didn’t get that far as there was a sharp knock at the door.

“Grayson. Todd. I demand you join us downstairs!” Damian’s angry voice howled through the closed door.

“He’s up?” Jason raised a brow.

Dick shrugged but called out, “Give us a sec, Little D.”

“No! You are to join us this instant. It is hardly fair that you have conditioned us over the past years to wake up at the ungodly hour of five in the morning on Christmas to partake in gift giving when you, yourself, have yet to make an appearance this year.”

Jason chuckled.

“Wait, everyone’s up already?” Dick asked in shock. Had he really, unintentionally, conditioned his family to wake up at a certain time on Christmas morning?

“Everyone but you and Todd, and we are quite perturbed that you haven’t joined us.”

To Dick’s displeasure, Jason untangled himself from Dick and stood. Dick watched as the younger man stretched his arms above his head and yawned. The muscles of Jason’s bare back rolled with his stretching and Dick’s mouth began to water. He had to shake himself from the thought of those strong muscles before he was able to slip from his bed...their bed?

“Get your panties out of a twist, demon spawn,” Jason called out to their youngest brother. “Dickie bird and I will be down in just a few minutes.”

“Fine, but if you are not downstairs in ten minutes I will come back and refuse to leave until you have joined us.”

Dick watched with glee as Jason rolled his eyes.

“I’m going to borrow your shower. You should take care of that,” Jason gestured towards the obvious tent in Dick’s sweats, “before we go downstairs.”

“Or I could come with you and we could take care of each other’s,” Dick suggested with a wink.

“Tempting, but if you joined me then we’d never get out of the shower and the son of satan would come back looking for us. As amusing as I’d find it, I doubt you’d enjoy him busting down the bathroom door to find me fucking you into the wall.”

Dick groaned, knowing that Jason was right.

It took both Jason and Dick exactly ten minutes to take care of their little problems and to make their way downstairs to the family. They sat down on the couch just as Alfred walked into the room wearing his robe and carrying a tray of mugs.

“Good morning, sirs,” Alfred greeted the couple and paused for them to take a mug of hot chocolate off the tray. Neither of them dared to reach for the only black mug, for they knew that it belonged to Bruce.

“Thank you, Alfred,” Bruce, who was sitting in one of the living area’s plush chairs, thanked the butler with a rare smile as the black mug was handed to him.

“You are quite welcome, Master Bruce,” Alfred smiled back before moving on to Tim.

Tim sat in the chair across from Bruce and was typing away on his phone as Alfred approached him. He reached up with a hand blindly, for he refused to remove his eyes from his phone, to grab the handle of one of the three remaining mugs of hot chocolate.

“Master Damian,” Alfred stated as he handed a mug to Damian, who was perched on the arm of Tim’s chair. Like Tim, his fingers were busy dancing across his phone and it took him a moment to pause and receive the warm drink that was offered to him.

The last remaining mug went to Alfred. The butler sat his silver tray on the coffee table before taking a seat on the couch, beside Dick.

Dick hummed in contentment as he leaned against Jason and sipped at his hot chocolate. The pile of presents beneath the tree was shining as the tree’s lights danced along them.

“Timothy and Damian, put away your phones. The family is all here,” Bruce requested.

“Technically, by the definition of family that you lectured me over last week, the family is _not_ all here,” Damian remarked, but slid his phone into the pocket of his hoodie anyway. “We’re still missing Brown and Cain.”

“It is a shame the girls were unable to join us,” Alfred chimed in. “I quite miss them.”

“I do too,” Bruce admitted, “But Cassandra swore she couldn’t get away from Tokyo right now and Stephanie declared that she wasn’t allowed to spend the holidays alone and flew to Japan to join her.” The patriarch took a drink from his mug before turning his steel gaze on his third son. “Timothy, if I have to tell you to put your phone away again I will confiscate the device. Then you won’t be able to text Connor at all.”

Tim sighed and dropped his phone into the glass bowl on the coffee table, where Bruce’s phone was also located.

Bruce turned his attention to Damian. “If your phone comes out of your hoodie while we’re still doing gifts it will join its comrades in the bowl. The same goes for you two.” The last part was directed at Jason and Dick.

“I don’t even have my phone on me,” Jason stated.

“I don’t need to text anyone,” Dick grinned. “Everyone I’d want to talk with is already here. Except for Cass and Steph, of course, but I’ll text them later.”

“A wise decision, Master Dick,” Alfred remarked.

“Since Grayson and Todd have finally joined us, may be begin this silly tradition, Father?” Damian inquired.

Bruce took a drink of his special hot chocolate before nodding. “I suppose we can.”

“Father, may I deliver my gifts first?” Damian requested.

Bruce’s lips twitched into a barely there smile and he gestured towards the tree. “Go for it.”

Pushing away from the arm of Tim’s chair, Damian knelt to gather up the presents he had for his family. He passed out the presents to each of their owners and then said, “Don’t assume these mean anything. I only did them because Grayson and Father insist on celebrating this holiday.”

Each of Damian’s presents were flat and wrapped in parcel paper with twine tied around them. A small, homemade name tag hung from each gift. Bruce was the first to unwrap his and discovered a framed, hand drawn, family portrait. Tim’s was also hand drawn, like all of the others, but his was a redrawing of a photo of him ant the Titans. Jason’s picture was of him, Roy, and Kori. Alfred’s was a family portrait like Bruce’s and Dick received a drawing of him and the other Robins.

Tim was the next to hand out the gifts he’d gotten everyone.

“I’m not an artist like Baby Bat,” Tim said as he sunk back into his chair, “but I hope my technological skills can help keep you safe in the battlefield.”

From Tim, Alfred received what looked like a silver serving tray but had the ability to act like a boomerang. The tray was also equipped to display a computer screen on its surface. Bruce was given a set of enhanced gauntlets that had tiny camera Bats that it could deploy. Damian was granted a new version of his bird-a-rangs, while Dick got a new pair of excrima sticks and Jason got a new Red Hood helmet with enhanced internal sensors.

Bruce gave everyone gifts for their everyday lives. Nothing he gave them had any direct relation to their vigilante work.

“Thanks, B,” Dick grinned when he opened Bruce’s gift to find an expresso machine waiting for him.

“I needed a new briefcase. Thank you,” Tim also thanked Bruce.

“Master Bruce, I do believe I haven’t seen these photos in years. I did not realize you’d kept them,” Alfred’s smile was wistful as he stared down at a photo album of him with Bruce and the boys. The photos ranged from when Bruce was a child to a couple months before when Damian had been studying in the kitchen and Alfred had attempted to aid the boy.

“Thank you, Father,” Damian almost grinned at the wide range of canvases he received from the patriarch.

But it was Bruce’s gift to Jason that surprised everyone.

Dick felt a spark of hope ignite in him when he saw Jason open the envelope that contained the deed to a local business.

“Bruce, what is this?” Jason asked unsurely.

“I bought you your own mechanic shop,” Bruce stated. “I know you’ve established yourself in Star City, but I thought I could help you achieve a dream by giving you the business you’ve wanted for years. The name can be changed, but I thought Red Bird Mechanics was suitable.”

“I…I don’t know what to say, B…thanks,” Jason was staring down at the deed in awe.

“Don’t think this means you have to stay in Gotham,” Bruce clarified. “If you choose to return to Star City, I’ll willingly help you find staffing and management for the shop.”

Dick hoped Jason would stay now that he had three reasons to. Gotham needed Red Hood, Dick was there, and now Jason had his own shop. Really, what more could the family do to convince him not to go back to Star City?

Alfred’s gifts to the bat family were all sentimental. They were mementos and tokens of their pasts. Each was treasured and held close. The butler received many hugs for his perfect gifts.

When it came time for Jason to hand out his gifts, he was pleased to find that his family enjoyed what he’d chosen for them. Damian had examined his new katana with pride. Tim had immediately started rattling off all the good things he’d read about the tablet that Jason gave him. Bruce had latched his watch around his wrist and Alfred had sworn to make every recipe in his antique cook book.

“Sorry,” Jason apologized to Dick again for not getting him a gift.

“Little wing, stop apologizing,” Dick grinned. “How many times do I have to tell you that I already got the best gift from you before you start believing it?”

Damian had made a gagging sound at hearing Dick’s words and Tim said, “Cute.”

When Dick handed out his gifts, he purposely handed Jason’s to him last. He’d tried to get everyone something they would like and use often. To Damian he’d given a paint set. To Alfred he’d given a framed photo of him and Alfred a couple days after he’d been taken into the manor. On it, he’d written the words, “To the true hero in the family. Thanks for loving us unconditionally.”

Bruce received a set of silk ties from Dick and Tim was given a new, retractable Bo Staff. Jason’s gift was the one that had Dick shifting in his seat, hoping he hadn’t screwed it up somehow.

Slowly, Jason tore the snowman covered paper off the gift and smirked at Dick as he caught the other man holding his breath.

“Chill, Dickie. I’m sure I’ll like whatever’s in here,” Jason stated before lifting the lid off the box he found beneath the wrapping paper.

Nestled inside a wooden box was a red hand gun with his insignia engraved on the side of it. Two casings of bullets sat beside the gun. One marked Shock and the other rubber. Beside the casings was one more item; A red hilted knife that looked sharp enough to slice through Batman’s lines.

“I had Tim’s help in making them,” Dick stated.

“I didn’t do much,” Tim added. “The designs were all Dick. I merely helped with the execution.”

“Shock and rubber bullets?” Jason questioned.

“They’re special made. There was supposed to be two more casings but the tranquilizers weren’t working right and B shut down our attempt to utilize Scarecrow’s fear gas for the other.”

“I told you, no villainy,” Bruce stated.

Dick grinned. “We’ll get the tranquilizers working soon.”

“Maybe,” Tim added. “So far they’ve been bothersome.”

“Well, it’s cool enough already, even if you can’t get them to work,” Jason smirked. “Seriously, Dickhead, you and Timmy did a bang up job on this one.”

Dick smiled as Jason lifted the gun to test its weight in his hand. The younger bird pretended to aim the gun at Damian and made a shooting sound with his mouth. Damian folded his arms across his chest, unamused.

“What’s the rest of the agenda for today?” Tim spoke up as he was eying his phone, which still sat in the glass bowl on the coffee table.

“You boys are free to do as you please until Alfred says otherwise,” Bruce stated, “but I expect to see you all for meals.”

“Breakfast will be served in an hour,” Alfred informed as he gathered his gifts to place them in his room before going to the kitchen to work on the morning meal.

Tim was quick to grab his phone and command it to call Connor.

Damian took his Katana and informed his family that he would be in the cave, should they need him.

Bruce didn’t move an inch. The man merely let his head rest against the back of his chair. With his blue eyes closed, he drank from his mug of hot chocolate. A soft, jolly melody drifted through the room from the kitchen, tugging a smile from the patriarch’s lips.

Dick sat calmly on the couch. He watched as Jason thoroughly examined the gun and knife set that he gave him. He couldn’t help but notice how the muscles of Jason’s arms flexed as he sliced the blade through the air. And those fingers? When the knife twirled around them Dick felt his mouth go dry.  He wasn’t sure why, but the way Jason handled the weapons with such precision, such expertise, was one of the most alluring things he’d ever seen.

There was just something about Jason and the way he performed on patrol. Something about the way he held his knifes, and raised his guns so casually, that made Dick swoon. Maybe it was the show of how strong and powerful the other man was. Maybe it was the looseness of his taunting laugh on patrol, or the straightness of his shoulders, or the mass of his biceps, or maybe it was that he gave off this incredible arura of power. Whatever it was, it made Dick feel safe and made him want to curl up in Jason’s arms.

“You okay there, Babe?” Jason’s brow was raised and Dick shook himself out of his thoughts. He realized that as he was thinking he’d began to drool a little. With flushed cheeks, he reached up to wipe some of the spit away from his mouth.

“Yeah, sorry. I just…” Dick shook his head and gave a short laugh. “I think I’ll go see if Al needs any help.”

“You mean you’re going to go see if you can steal any goodies before breakfast,” Jason snickered.

“Don’t fill up on junk food,” Bruce stated in a firm voice but kept his eyes closed.

“I’m just going to grab a candy cane or two. Gosh, you two are acting like I’m going to steal the whole cookie plate,” Dick rolled his eyes.

“You wouldn’t be able to even if you wanted to,” Bruce remarked. “Alfred’s on high alert.”

“Tim and Damian?” Jason asked.

Bruce nodded. “He caught them in the kitchen last night. You’ll be lucky if you even get through the kitchen door, Dick.”

Dick grinned. “Challenge accepted!”

“Yeah, you have fun with that,” Jason remarked. “I’m going to go change and call Roy.”

“You should invite him over if he isn’t spending the holiday with Jade or Oliver,” Bruce suggested.

“You’d be okay with that?”

Bruce hummed his approval.

“Well, okay then. I’ll see if he’s got plans,” Jason said as he gathered up his gifts before heading upstairs to his manor bedroom.


	15. His Reason to Worship Him

Christmas was turning out far better than Jason had thought it would. Two weeks ago he’d been sure that he’d spend the holidays alone, on his couch, with a beer in one hand and the TV remote in the other. He had been sure that he’d spend his holiday vacation trying to ignore the snowless streets of Star City and calling Tim to rid himself of boredom.

Instead, Jason was standing in his old room at the manor, humming a Christmas tune while rummaging through his dresser for a warm shirt to wear. His phone was firmly pressed against his ear, but it wasn’t Tim on the other line. Baby bird was too busy calling his boyfriend to talk. No, the person Jason was speaking to was the man he’d spoken the most to in the last year.

“So, are you going back to Star City?” Roy Harper’s voice floated through the line. “Lian, put that down! No, no, no, we don’t play with the Christmas tree lights…yes…I know they’re pretty, but no you can’t eat them.”

Jason snickered as he pulled a red sweater from within his dresser. There was a hole in the left arm and he stared at it for a moment as he remembered how it’d gotten ‘snagged’ on a batarang the Christmas before.

“I don’t know. Dick wants me to stay and Bruce gave me a mechanic shop, but I’ve got a good life going in Star City,” Jason replied to his friend.

“Yeah, but do you want to go back?” Roy inquired.

“I don’t know.”

“Dick won’t be there.”

“I know.”

“And here you could have your own business. You and Dick could get a place together. You could go back to being the Red Hood and we could kick some major crime lord ass here in the Bowery,” There was a pause and then. “Sass! I said sass! Lian, don’t you dare…great, now I’m going to get lectured by Jade because our little girl is saying a-s-s.”

Jason gave a chuckle. “It’s not the worst thing she’s said.”

“No, but Jade’s on this whole, ‘we need to be better parents than our parents’ kick and she’s about two swear words away from creating a jar.”

“Shit man, that’s rough.”

“See, if you still lived here that kind of language would cost you a quarter.”

“Good thing I don’t live there anymore then. Has Jade gotten moved in yet?”

“Eh, the bathroom sink is covered with girlie hair crap that looks like instruments of torture, and my room now smells like cinnamon and oranges, so I guess so. Your old room actually made a good room for Lian.”

“That’s good. I’m glad you two are working things out.”

“Same goes for you and Dick. You really do need to figure out where you’re going to be living after this week, though.”

“Dude, I don’t even know,” Jason groaned as he slipped his sweater on. “Honestly? I kind of want to stay in Star City for a while longer. If I move back here then I need to go back and give my boss my two weeks’ notice anyway, plus I’ve got the apartment to deal with.”

“So break the lease or keep it as a safe house.”

“It’s not that easy, Harper.”

“Sure it is. You packed up and left a whole life behind here, why can’t you do the same in Star City?”

“Because.”

“Because isn’t an answer, Jaybird.”

“Yes, it is, fucker.”

“Not a good one.”

“Ugh,” Jason let himself fall backwards on his bed. With closed eyes and a hand pinching his nose, he replied, “I’ve missed, Dick, but life outside of Gotham is good. I’m not ready to come back to this yet.”

“Then tell him that.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“He wants me to stay. If I tell him that I don’t want to then it’ll break his heart. I just got him back, Roy. I don’t want to lose him over this.”

“If he really loves you then you won’t. He has to understand that you have a life in Star City. He can’t expect you to just drop everything and come back.”

“He might not have the right to expect it, but he wants it. I know he does.”

Roy gave a deep sigh on the other end of the call and Jason could hear Jade talking to someone, probably Lian, in the background. “Here’s reality, Jaybird, whether Dickhead wants you in Gotham or not, it’s your life and, ultimately, it has to be you that decides whether you stay or go.”

“I know, I know, and I’m sure I’ve already decided, but how do I tell him?”

“I can’t help you there.”

A soft knock at the door had Jason drawing the phone away from his ear.

“Yes?” he called out to his visitor.

“Jay?” A mop of black hair peeked around the corner of Jason’s door. A set of felt reindeer antlers were sticking out of the dark strands and a red and white striped sweet was dangling from the head’s mouth.

“I’ve got to go, Roy. Tell Jade and Lian Merry Christmas for me.”

“Will do, Jaybird, and Merry Christmas to you too.”

“Hey, gorgeous,” the red bird smirked at his visitor as he ended his call to his best friend. He waved the older man over and Dick slipped into the room, slowly closing the door behind him.

Jason laughed as he took in his boyfriend’s attire. The blue sweater the older bird wore was decorated with little white reindeer and he’d replaced the sweats he’d worn earlier with a pair of well fitting, black jeans. Though his shoes were missing his feet were kept warm by a pair of socks.

“My, aren’t we festive,” Jason chuckled. “I’m surprised you’re not wearing a blinking red nose.”

Dick smiled and twirled the end of his candy cane in his mouth before moving to join Jason on the bed. As he walked over, the younger man realized that Dick’s left hand was clutched around a round object.

“What ya got there?” Jason motioned towards the object.

“Your blinking red nose,” Dick grinned around his candy as he opened his closed hand to reveal a plastic red nose.

Jason’s eyebrows shot into his hairline, one of them almost completely disappearing beneath the white streak that hung over his forehead. “Mine?”

“Yep,” Dick’s grin grew wider and he reached up to slip the nose over Jason’s own.  He tapped the center of the plastic device and it started to blink. Much to his surprise, and delight, Jason didn’t struggle against Dick’s wish. Instead, he leaned up on his elbows and smirked when Dick leaned against him.

“This is going on Instagram,” Dick warned before raising his phone and snapping a picture of them smiling together. “And maybe on my wallpaper. We look good.”

“We look amazing,” Jason sat up and pulled Dick into his lap. With teal eyes he watched as the older man posted their picture on Instagram and titled it, _‘Merry Christmas from Dickie and Jay!_ ’

“Here, Big Bird, how about one for my own page?” Jason held his own phone out and snapped a picture of them cuddled together.

Dick thought it was cute that Jason wanted a picture of them up on his Instagram page too, until he read what Jason titled it as. He scoffed as he read, _‘There’s no better gift than Dick for Christmas #punintended. Merry Christmas fuckers.’_

“Really, Jay?”

“Really,” Jason pulled the candy cane out of Dick’s mouth with a grin. Dick gave a fake whine as Jason proceeded to suck on the sweet he’d swiped from Alfred. “Is this all you got for your effort to steal some goodies?”

“Alfred’s good this year. I barely managed to get out with that Candy cane,” Dick pulled the cane from between Jason’s lips, huffing slightly when the red bird bit down on the tip of the sweet to hold it hostage for a moment longer. When Dick finally had the sweet back, he let out a soft moan as he lightly sucked on it. With his eyes closed, he didn’t see Jason swallowing hard.

“Hehe,” Jason gave an uneasy laugh and pulled the fake nose off his own. “Well at least you got the candy cane.”

Dick opened his eyes. His deep cerulean orbs met the green tinted ones of his younger lover. He licked up the length of the candy cane and visibly grinned as Jason swallowed again.

“Yeah?” Dick asked, turning around in Jason’s arms so his chest was almost touching the other man’s.

“Yeah,” Jason found his voice coming out husky as Dick shifted in his lap, still sucking on the candy cane he’d lifted from Alfred.

“Problem there, Jaybird?” Dick smirked. He rubbed down against Jason’s lap and licked at the candy cane again as he felt the other man’s pants grow tighter beneath him.

“You little minx,” Jason swore beneath his breath. His hands rose to Dick’s hips and he fought between the urge to hold Dick still and the desire to grind his hips up into the rotating ones above his own.

The laugh Dick graced Jason with was breathy and only caused Jason’s erection to grow. “I’ve been told by many of my past lovers that I can be quite alluring.”

Teal eyes narrowed and lips twisted into a scowl as Jason tightened his grip on Dick’s hips. “Don’t talk about them when you’re with me.”

“Oh? Are you jealous?” a raven brow was lifted as pearly white teeth teasingly bit down on the peppermint candy.

Jason growled and forced Dick’s hips down into his harder. “Damn straight, Dickhead. My name should be the only one you think of when we’re together. You can forget all about your past lovers, because I’m going to rock your world harder than any of them ever could.”

Dick attempted to hold back a moan as he felt Jason press his ass against the bulge in the younger man’s jeans.

“You kn-kn-know, Jaybird, I’ve been with a lot of people,” Dick let his head fall forward so his hair hung in front of his eyes and he twirled the candy cane in his mouth. “Girls, guys, humans, metahumans, and aliens. I’ve done a lot.”

“I don’t need reminded.”

“Shhh,” the blue-eyed man pressed a finger against his lover’s lips. “I’ve done a lot of things with a lot of lovers, but things have always been different with you. I mean, look at our lives. I’ve known you since you were a kid and it took me this long to figure out just how much you mean to me. And when we were fuck buddies? Heh, we didn’t really do much fucking, did we? We made out a lot, kissed even more, and there was those couple of times that we wasted most of what was left of the night after Patrol by giving each other hand jobs, but we never actually got around to fucking.”

“So?”

“So, it’s never taken me this long to find myself in a lover’s bed before and I think that means something. It means you’re special. I care more about you. I love you more than I’ve ever loved any of the others. That’s why…” Dick took a breath and slipped from Jason’s lap. He knelt on the plush carpet of Jason’s room, his hands resting on Jason’s knees, and his eyes looking up into the teal ones gazing down at him. He pulled the candy cane from his mouth and handed it to his lover. “I want to do something special for you. I’ve only ever done this to one other person before, but if you’ll let me I’d much rather have your stick in my mouth than that peppermint one I stole from Alfred.”

Jason smirked down at the man knelt before him. He lowered a hand to gently caress the side of Dick’s face and dropped a kiss on his forehead. “As much as I appreciate the offer, you don’t have to do this, pretty bird.”

“I know I don’t, Jason,” Dick spoke as he massaged the inside of Jason’s thighs, “but I want to. If you want me to.”

“I’d never not want you to,” Jason admitted. “I’ve dreamt about this before.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Believe it or not, you were the star of most of my teenage wet dreams.”

Dick gave a breathy laugh. “I’m flattered.”

Jason wasn’t sure what to say to that but he was saved from giving a response when he opened his mouth to say whatever first came to mind and ended up with a hitch in his breath.

Dick nuzzled at Jason’s jeans. He ran his nose along the younger man’s cloth covered erection before smiling up at him and popping the brass button. Jason felt his mouth run dry as his zipper was slowly pulled down and his cock was gently pulled out. Dick’s hands were warm around his shaft and he let his mouth fall open in a soundless moan as they pumped him a few times before Dick bowed his head and breathed over the tip of Jason’s cock before engulfing the length.

“Oh, fuck,” Jason ground out. He clenched his fists, fighting against the urge to plunge them into Dick’s hair. He didn’t have to fight for long, though, for Dick slid his hands to Jason’s wrists and lead the red bird’s hands to his hair. Instantly, Jason’s fingers weaved through Dick’s dark strands. The reindeer antlers atop Dick's head were dislodged as Jason's fingers found their way under them and they fell to the floor forgotten for the time being.

It was hard for Jason to believe that Dick had only ever had his mouth around one other guy’s package before. Especially when Dick swallowed around him and nearly took his entire length into his mouth.

“Damn, Dickie,” Jason cursed and then groaned as Dick’s echoing laugh reverberated down his shaft. “Keep this up and I won’t last long.”

Dick pulled back to say, “And that’s a bad thing?”

Jason’s chuckle was husky and deep, closer to the tone he used when he roamed the streets of the Bowery then when he was at home. It caused a shiver to run down Dick’s spine.

“Some would say so,” Jason breathed out as his eyes slipped closed and his head fell back.

Dick had moved a hand to cup his lover’s sac. As one hand caressed the flesh of Jason’s shaft the other massaged his balls. The blue-eyed man watched in awe and wonder. He’d never dreamt that Jason would be so vocal. The little noises he was making, the hitches in his breath, the choked-out groans, the fought back moans, were all so erotic. More erotic than any sound Dick had ever heard.

Starfire had been very vocal when Dick had been with her. Rose had too. Both women had been more dominate in bed than their lover and Dick had shivered as they’d told him how to please them. Wally had been less likely to voice his likes and dislikes. Though Dick wondered if that was mostly because he and Wally had been young at the time and even the mention of genitals made them flustered.

Jason was different, though. So, different. When he and Dick had made out or fondled each other before, he hadn’t been nearly as voice full as he was being just then. It made the older bird wonder if Jason had been holding back all those times, or if it’d just been so long for him that he was being driven crazy with pleasure. Dick knew that had their roles been reversed, he’d be begging for Jason to hurry up and take him. It really had been a long time since he’d had anyone else’s hands on his body. Not that he wanted anyone else’s hands on him. He’d craved no one but Jason for almost a year and, now that he had him, he wanted to worship him.

“How long has it been?” Dick’s breath was hot over the side of Jason’s cock.

Heavy teal eyes slowly slid open as the hand in Dick’s hair tightened a fraction before loosening again. “Wh-what?”

“How long has it been?” Dick repeated and he kept his touch on Jason gentle. “Since someone has touched you like this?”

Dick worried his bottom lip when he saw Jason swallow. The other man was taking his time answering. He seemed to be focusing more on breathing than he was Dick’s question and Dick knew the breathing technique he was using. It was one of the techniques Bruce had taught them as a way to stay cool under the pressure of villains. He’d used it when he’d been kidnapped before. He wondered if Jason had used it before he’d been murdered.

“It’s been a while,” but Jason didn’t sound sure. His voice wavered and it caused Dick to bury his face in Jason’s thigh to hide his frown.

That voice…Jason was lying. He had been with someone recently and even though Dick knew that he had no claim over the other man for almost a year, his heart clenched at the thought of someone else touching his Jaybird.

“What was their name?” Dick’s voice was soft and he was mildly proud of himself that he managed to keep it from shaking.

Jason grunted and thrust his hips up into Dick’s fist, urging him to quicken his strokes.

“Come on,” Dick rested his cheek against Jason’s thigh as he looked up at him with a fake smile that he prayed the other bird would fall for, “you can tell me. I didn’t expect you to turn celibate after we…you know.”

Jason seemed to study the man knelt between his knees for a moment before saying. “I don’t remember. There were a few of them. None of them important and none of them lasting more than a night.”

Dick nodded and went back to worshiping Jason’s cock with his mouth.

“Ah,” Jason breathed. “Fuck. Dickie. Your mouth feels so good. Ah, Ah. Don’t, ah, stop.”

Dick had no plans of stopping as he took Jason as far into his mouth as he could before pulling off and repeating the action. Jason’s grip on his hair tightened to the point of pain but it only caused the first Robin to moan around the flesh in his mouth. The effect his moan had on Jason encouraged more sounds to slip from his lips as his head was guided along the heavy shaft.

“I’m close,” Jason warned, though he hadn’t needed too for Dick could taste the precum pooling on his tongue and feel the way Jason’s cock twitched in his mouth. “So, close. Don’t stop, pretty bird. Don’t stop.”

The duo was so distracted, so caught up in the moment, that they both missed the turning of the door handle until…

                “Oh, god! I didn’t need to see that.”

Dick pulled off Jason too quickly as his teeth scrapped the underside of his cock. Jason hissed but quickly swiped a pillow to pull over himself.

“Timmy!” Dick’s voice was a rough squeak as his wide blue eyes took in their now crimson colored brother.

Tim was standing in the doorway, one hand still on the doorknob and the other now shielding his eyes.  He was shaking his head slightly and took a step backwards.

 “Sorry, I, uh, I’m not used to knocking on Jason’s door,” Tim stammered.

Jason discarded the pillow on his lap in order to tuck himself back into his pants. Once he was fully clothed he said. “You can look, baby bird. We’re decent.”

“Decent?” Tim peeked through his fingers before removing the hand from his eyes. “You call that decent?” An accusing finger pointed at Dick. “I didn’t have to see what I just did to tell what you’d been doing. Dick’s mouth is swollen and his hair looks like it got into a fight with a very angry squirrel.”

Dick felt his face heat up as Jason chuckled.

“Sorry about that, Baby bird. I should have locked the door.”

“I should have knocked.”

“Would have been weird if you did since you and I sort of have this whole open door policy going on.”

“Yeah, well, next time, either keep it in Dick’s room or hang a sock on the door…or tie…or, you know, lock it like you suggested.”

“Will do,” Jason promised.

“I…,” Tim shifted, backing up another step. “Alfred sent me up. Breakfast is ready.”

“Tell him we’ll be down in a sec,” Jason requested. “I think Dickhead here might need some time to recover from dying of embarrassment before we go downstairs.”

The laugh Tim gave was an awkward one as he backed out of Jason’s room and closed the door a little too quickly.

“You okay there, big bird?” Jason grinned down at Dick, who was hiding his face in the duvet of Jason’s bed.

“Why Tim? Why couldn’t it have been Bruce? Or Damian?”

Jason snorted. “You know, Tim’s not as innocent as you like to think he is. Plus, it wouldn’t have mattered who it was, you’d still look like a mother fucking tomato.”

Dick whined. “Shut up. That was so embarrassing. He saw me with your dick down my throat. There’s no way I’m going to be able to look him in the eyes at all today.”

“Aw, come on,” Jason slid down on the floor and wrapped his arms around his lover. “It won’t be that bad. Why don’t you go into the bathroom and fix your hair and then we’ll go down for breakfast? I bet Alfred’s Christmas pancakes will make all this go away.”

“I doubt it,” Dick mumbled but went to do as Jason suggested.

When his bathroom door was shut, Jason glanced down at the obvious problem in his pants. With closed eyes he tried to will away his erection.

“Joker. Joker wearing a thong. Dead kittens.” it only took a few moments for Jason to fix his problem and by the time Dick had exited his bathroom he was lounging comfortably on his bed.

“Ready?” Jason inquired of his boyfriend.

“I guess so,” was Dick’s hesitant response.

“Don’t be so worried.”

A small smile graced Dick’s lips as Jason swung an arm around his shoulders. “Everything will be fine. You’ll see.”


	16. His Reason to Decide

It’d happened again. For the fifth time that day, it happened. Jason has been minding his own business, casually waiting for a moment to steal a kiss from Dick when said older bird made an excuse to leave the room. He said he was going to the restroom but a few moments later Jason’s phone dinged with a new message from Dick.

_‘Coat Closet. Follow me.’_

 It took less than a second for Jason to fake an annoyed eye roll and say, “Fucking Harper and his fucking drama.”

Damian glanced up from where he was curled in an armchair. His sketch pad was propped on his knees and a box of charcoal pencils sat open next to him. Titus, his faithful dog, was curled at the foot of the chair, dozing off as Alfred the cat batted at the dog’s nose.

Tim, who’d been quietly texting away on his phone, snickered at Jason’s remark before rolling his own eyes. Jason didn’t even try to convince himself that Tim had bought his lie but he knew the other boy well enough to know that even though Tim would know why he was slipping away he wouldn’t tell Bruce.

Bruce probably wouldn’t even notice that Dick and Jason had slipped away for at least another twenty minutes, anyway.  Since the patriarch had taken a call from the commissioner in his study. Those two could chatter like the Joker’s teeth when they weren’t in uniform. Which, in this instant, Jason counted as a blessing. At least with Bruce occupied in his study, Tim and Damian relaxing by the tree, and Alfred in the kitchen, there was no one to notice as Jason slipped inside the coat closet nearest the stairs on the second floor of the manor.

“We have to be quick,” Jason found himself saying as he closed the closet door behind him.

Dick gave a boyish laugh and placed a hand on the back of Jason’s neck to pull him in for a heated kiss. They’d been trying to sneak some alone time since that morning but the whole family seemed against them.

First it was Tim, who’d interrupted them in Jason’s bedroom. Then Damian found them sneaking kisses in the kitchen, twice. That was followed by Alfred, who’d given them a pointed look and an unamused eyebrow raise when he’d found them hiding in the silver closet.

Alfred had been the worst. Where Tim was embarrassed and Damian was condescending, Alfred was nonchalant when he’d told them, _“Sirs, if you insist on dirtying up the silver with your antics then I shall insist you make sure every dish in this manor is spotless. Really, I thought the days of finding you two in closets were over.”_

Dick moaned as Jason nipped at his bottom lip. “I’ll say. Don’t want Alfred finding us again.”

“Mmmm,” Jason lost interest in their conversation and explored the column that was Dick’s neck.

The oldest man bit back a moan as teeth grazed his pulse point. A sharp pain emitted from the spot and had him hitching his breath only a moment later. The broken skin wasn’t given much time to ache, however, as Jason’s tongue licked over it like a salve.

“Jay,” Dick’s voice was breathy as he tangled his fingers in Jason’s hair.

The chuckle that Jason gave in return caused a shiver to break out across Dick’s form and the older bird found it hard to remain standing. He fell back slightly so his back was resting against a wall. A fur coat, which Dick had never seen anyone in the family wear, brushed against the side of his face when he threw his head back with a gasp.

“My, my, pretty bird, you’re very responsive,” Jason pressed closer. His hips rubbing against Dick’s in just the right way so the shorter male could feel the bulge in his jeans.

“Stop teasing,” the older ground out, “and kiss me properly.”

“I would, Dickie,” and there was that damn goose bump triggering chuckle again, “but you see, the problem is that if I kiss you like I want to then I don’t think I’d be able to stop, and as much as I want you I don’t want our first time to be here...in a coat closet…and I think you don’t want it to be either.”

“Maybe I do,” Dick knew he was lying even as he said the words and a raised brow from Jason let him know that the other man knew too.

“Yeah right. You’re too into the sappy sentimental shit to be okay with this.”

Dick sighed as Jason pulled away. “Jay, don’t do this. Don’t be a cockblock.”

“I’m not being a cockblock,” Jason reached behind him to grab the doorknob. “I’m being sensitive and you should apricate it. I’m trying to spare you some regret.”

“I’m not going to regret this.”

“You will if it’s in a closet.”

Dick let out a frustrated huff. “Fine. Whatever.”

As blue eyes turned downward, hands reached out to push the red bird further away. Dick went to reach for the door knob but Jason’s hand closed around his wrist.

“Hey,” the frown that the younger bird was now wearing was deep. “I promise we’ll steal some time alone tonight. I’m not enjoying these constant interruptions either, but it’s Christmas and you’re usually the first person to protest if the family isn’t all in the same room on this day.”

“I know. It’s alright, Jay. Really,” Dick hoped the tightness of the smile he forced wasn’t noticeable by the other man. Unfortunately, Jason did notice it and it caused his own mouth to twist into a grimace.

“Dickie,” Jason started but was interrupted by the blue bird.

“Come on, let’s go have a good Christmas. I want this to be the best Christmas any of us have ever had,” this time Dick’s smile was genuine and he didn’t let it drop until he was following Jason out of the closet. He really did wish Jason hadn’t stopped their closest antics but he didn’t want to bicker or argue that day. Any disagreement they had could affect Jason’s decision to stay after the Holidays were over and Dick didn’t want to worsen his chances.

With his back to Dick, Jason didn’t catch the moment the grin slid so easily off his boyfriend’s face. He even missed the way Dick’s gaze flittered to the floor. The man coming down the hall, however, didn’t miss either gesture.

“Boys,” Bruce Wayne greeted his sons.

“B,” Dick’s response was softer than normal but still peppy enough that Jason didn’t question the odd tone.

Jason, himself, didn’t offer their adopted father any more of a greeting than a nod.

Bruce looked between his boys and the closet he’d observed them exiting before saying, “Still trying to sneak away from our family festivities, I see.”

“It was the last time,” Jason spoke up before Dick could say anything. “Dickhead and I will be attached to you and the kids at the hip for the rest of the day. I swear upon my grave.”

Besides the furrowing of his brow, Bruce’s face remained stoic. “I really wish you wouldn’t call him that.”

The second son gave a guiltless shrug before placing one of his hands on the banister, intending to continue downstairs with his boyfriend. Before Dick could follow him, however, Bruce once again spoke.

“Dick, could I see you in my study for a moment?”

“Uh, sure,” Dick offered Jason a small shrug of his own, accompanied by another fake smile, before following Bruce down the hall to his study.

Bruce’s study hadn’t changed much since the first time Dick had stepped foot in it, when he was eight. The chair behind the large desk was still leather, the large windows still had the same drapes, and the bookshelves were still full of what seemed like an endless supply of reading material. Really, the only noticeable changes were that the array of pictures on Bruce’s desk had grown to include photos of everyone in the Bat Clan and Dick was no longer capable of curling up in the chair across from Bruce’s desk.

As Dick slumped into the warn chair across from the one Bruce took a seat in, he couldn’t help but think back to a simpler time. When he’d first come to the manor the chair he sat in had become his first best friend. He’d suffered from terrors on a nearly nightly basis and he’d found that passing out in the chair, while Bruce worked at his desk, would keep the terrors away. Most nights, that is.

The first time Dick had fallen asleep in the chair, he’d been eight and it’d been only a month after he’d moved into the manor. He’d insisted he wasn’t tired, despite Bruce’s own insistence that he should go to bed. The duo had bickered for a few moments before Bruce had given in and agreed that Dick could stay up, but he had to be doing something productive. Dick had fallen asleep with his nose in a book, curled up in that beloved chair, and had woken up in his bedroom.

After that first time, Dick repeatedly fell asleep in the chair. It took Bruce nearly two months to inquire of why he persisted to sleep in a mildly uncomfortable chair when he had a big plush bed just down the hall.

_“I don’t like sleeping in my room. It’s cold, and scary, I always have nightmares when I sleep in there,” little Dick had folded his arms across his chest defiantly._

_“And you don’t have nightmares when you fall asleep in my study?” Bruce had raised a brow._

_The young boy shook his head. “No.”_

_“Why is that?”_

_“I feel safe when you’re in the room.”_

After that night, Bruce hadn’t argued with Dick’s sleep preferences. He’d allowed the boy to fall asleep in the study whenever he wanted and proceeded to carry the child to bed after he’d done so.

Now, so many years later, though Dick had grown too big to easily curl up in the chair, he found himself wishing he could. As he settled against the old leather his shoulders began to slump. His body felt boneless as he practically melted into the chair.

Bruce, who sat in the chair behind his desk, let his eyes roam over his eldest child’s form for a moment before speaking. He could see the exhaustion in the younger man and had no doubt that it was caused from whatever internal thoughts Dick must have been having recently. The boy may be able to trick his siblings into believing that he was as happy and chipper as ever that Christmas, but Bruce knew better. He’d seen the way Dick would look at Jason when the younger bird had his back turned. There was a sorrow, a deep worry, in those blue eyes of his that left Bruce concerned. Dick was doubting. Doubting himself, Jason, their relationship, everything.

“Richard,” Bruce began formally and almost winced at how ridged the name had come out. He softened his tone as he locked eyes with his son and began again, “Dick, what’s wrong?”

“Hmm?” Dick hummed lazily but Bruce refused to be fooled. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that? You’re the one that pulled me from my beloved’s side on the most romantic day of the year.”

Bruce scoffed. “Yes, because you looked _so_ caught up in the romance of Christmas when you left the coat closet. I know you boys are under the impression that being in love is a foreign concept to me, but I assure you it’s not. I’ve seen and known plenty of people who were in love. I, myself, have been in love.”

“No one doubts your knowledge of love, B,” Dick stated, keeping his voice relaxed. “We all know about Selena. Golly, we’ve all rooted for you two to get married at least once.”

“I’ve watched you fawn over every girlfriend and boyfriend you’ve ever brought home,” Bruce chose to ignore his eldest child’s words, “And I’ve only seen you look at one of them the way you do Jason. Even Barbra didn’t hold your interest like Jason does.”

“Yeah, I’ve never felt this strongly about anyone before,” Dick admitted but couldn’t stop from asking, “but where are you going with this?”

“I noticed the look you were sporting when you left the coat closest. Something’s troubling you and I’d bet this home that it has something to do with Jason. Two hours ago, you were kissing under the mistletoe and now you look like he killed your puppy. What happened?”

“It’s nothing,” Dick’s gaze flicked to the side and he cursed himself for it, for he knew that Bruce would notice.

Bruce didn’t comment on the slip of Dick’s gaze. He didn’t even raise a brow. He merely folded his hands in front of him and said, “Does this have to do with Jason’s living arrangement?”

“I want him to stay,” Dick blurted, “and I thought that if I made this the perfect Christmas than he would, but we keep getting interrupted and now even he is starting to interrupt us.”

“I don’t think your poor luck today is going to affect his decision, but you need to accept that when the Holiday is over he is going to make a choice. You can’t make it for him.”

“I know.”

“He has a life in Star City.”

“His family is here.”

“He’s been able to let go of his past while away.”

“His past made him who he is.”

Bruce pinched his nose, sensing the turn the conversation had taken. It didn’t matter what Bruce said, Dick would counter it. The boy was on the defense.

“Richard, I know you want him to stay but I’ve trained you to be prepared for any situation. Have you even thought about what _you_ will do if Jason doesn’t stay in Gotham?”

Dick hesitated. He had thought about it, but he hadn’t wanted to. Star City was a decent distance from Gotham. Being the son of a billionaire, both Dick and Jason had many toys at their disposal that could shorten that distance, but their lives simply wouldn’t allow them to take a private jet to see each other every day. Maybe once a week, but even then that would only be possible if both their night lives and day lives lined up right.

Of course, Jason wasn’t Red Hood when he was in Star City, so his nights would be much more open than Dick’s. While, on the other hand, Dick’s days would be more open than his nights due to him recently having lost his job at GCPD. He supposed he could try to get hired on as a cop in Bludhaven again, or even Star City. If he could land a job in Star City then he could move there…except that he couldn’t.

Nightwing was a Bludhaven and Gotham hero. He was needed at home. He had to help train Robin and he had his own list of villains to take care of. He’d be back on the patrol roster soon and Bruce would need his help with Jason in Star City, since Tim would be going back to Chicago for a while to train with the Titans. He really couldn’t move. Not when he knew that the family needed him at home.

“We’ll call each other,” Dick responded to Bruce after what felt like forever, “and I’ll visit him as often as I can.”

“And you’d be okay with that?”

“It’d be hard,” Dick admitted, “but if Star City is where Jason wants to be then I guess I’ll have to be okay with it. I want him to be happy, B. Even if it means that I can’t see him every day.”

Bruce allowed a small smile to play across his lips. “Just so long as you’re happy too.”

“I’ll be happy as long as he’s still talking to me.”

“I truly hope you’re right because it is one of my wishes to see both of you, all of you kids, happy. I don’t want any of you to hurt.”

“I know, B. That’s one of the reasons why you’re such a great dad.”

Bruce chuckled. “Suck up.”

A quick, sharp knock sounded on the door before it was opened to reveal Alfred standing on the other side. The old butler raised a brow and folded his arms as he stared at the two men in Bruce’s study.

“Hello, Alfred,” Bruce greeted.

“Hey, Al,” Dick grinned.

“Am I to assume you boys have decided to forsake the Wayne family tradition of spending this holiday with the family?” Alfred inquired.

“No, sire,” Bruce remarked, “We were just having a chat. We’ll be right down.”

“I do hope so, for I have set out a plate of candy cane cookies and if you don’t rejoin the family soon I will allow Jason and Timothy to inhale them all,” Alfred informed.

“No! Not the candy cane cookies! I love those,” Dick was bouncing out of his chair and on his way out of the study before Bruce even had time to stand up.

“That boy,” Bruce shook his head. _“Those boys._ ”

“Those boys indeed, sir,” Alfred remarked. “Master Jason looked rather deflated when he entered the kitchen. He claimed you stole his boyfriend.”

“I had to talk to him. Dick gets too emotionally invested in people. I had to make sure he’d be okay if Jason left.”

“Hmmm,” Alfred hummed.

“You know something,” it wasn’t a question.

Alfred gave a crisp nod. “I know that he has decided where he will be living after this week. However, I am not at liberty to say where that will be. I swore to him I wouldn’t.”

“I swear, Alfred, your superpower is secret keeping.”

“It is my job, sir. Literally.”

“And I’m thankful you do that job,” Bruce smiled. “We’d be lost without you.”

“You bloody hell would be,” Alfred agreed with a smile. “Now, we should get down stairs before there are no more cookies left for us and before Jason breaks into the liquor cabinet. He’s been asking for your special hot chocolate all morning.”


	17. His Reason to Smile

Deep chuckles and light laughter, the soft hum of Alfred’s singing…Dick could think of no better sound. Except for the symphony that was created when Jason’s voice joined Alfred’s. A smile graced Dick’s lips as he listened to his boyfriend and Alfred sing an old Christmas hymn. He’d excused himself from the festivities in the kitchen twenty minutes before, when his phone had buzzed and his display had lit up with a familiar number. He’d taken the call in private, having ventured into the living room, and had wandered over to the window while he talked. He’d ended up leaning against the window, watching the snow gently fall outside, as he talked to the one person he knew Jason really wouldn’t want him talking too.

“Hello, Richard,” Rose’s voice had been whispered, as if she had snuck away from something very important to call him.

“Rose,” Dick had unconsciously looked behind him to make sure no one had followed him from the kitchen and then immediately felt guilty about doing so. He felt like he was snaking around behind Jason’s back by taking her call, but he had known her for so long that ignoring it would have been rude. Plus, he was hopping she was calling with an update about the new life she was supposed to be setting up for herself. “Hi. I wasn’t expecting to hear from you.”

“I know, but can’t a girl call her old friend?”

“Isn’t it kind of risky calling me?” Dick inquired and flinched as he realized he was whispering in an empty room. Clearing his throat and shaking off the feeling of guilt creeping up on him. “What if your Dad intercepts the call?”

A chime like laugh came through the line and then, “Relax, boywonder. I’ve encrypted the call. Plus, dad’s so far behind me that one phone call won’t ruin my life. Speaking of which, that’s why I called. I wanted to say thanks and let you know that I think I’ve found a place to settle down for a while.”

“That’s great. That’s good.”

“Yes, it is. How are things in Gotham?”

Dick wouldn’t have been able to fight the smile that’d come on his face at that moment even if he tried. “Everything is perfect. Jason’s back.”

“That’s fantastic! I was hoping he’d come back. I felt really bad about what happened between you two. If I’d known you were with him I never would have…”

“Rose, don’t. It wasn’t your fault,” Dick interrupted his ex and long time friend.

“Did you at least work things out with him?”

“I think so.”

“You think? That didn’t sound so sure.”

“We did,” Dick smiled even though he knew that Rose wouldn’t see him do so.

                “Tell me the truth?”

                “I am. We’ve worked out the big issue. Of course there’s other things that we’ll probably have to deal with later, but I’m not going to worry about them right now. In a way, we both sabotaged our relationship last time and I know we’ll eventually have to talk about that in further detail, but right now we’re happy and that’s what I want to focus on.”

“Good. I’m happy for you two. I hope he won’t be too mad that I’m talking to you.”

“He doesn’t know. He’s in the kitchen with our brothers and Alfred.”

“Richard John Grayson, you _will_ tell him that we spoke.”

“I will. Trust me, I don’t want to start keeping things from him already.”

“Good.”

“Good,” Dick echoed with an amused chuckled.

“I shouldn’t keep you from him. You should go enjoy Christmas with him.”

“You should enjoy Christmas too.”

“I will. Merry Christmas, Dickie.”

“Merry Christmas, Rosie.”

When Dick ended the call, and slipped his phone back into the pocket of his jeans, he leaned against the windowsill. Rose was right, he should hurry back to the kitchen, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so. With the warm glow of the Christmas tree lights illuminating the otherwise dark room, the snow falling quietly in the night, and his family’s voices drifting through the house like the smell of Alfred’s sugar cookies, there was something intimate about the moment. Something fragile and warm. It was as if the world outside of the manor stood still.

“Seriously!” Tim’s voice exclaimed from the kitchen and Dick found himself smiling as Jason’s laughter rose above everyone else’s.

“Awe, babybird,” Jason teased loudly, “Should send this pic to your clone.”

“Don’t you dare! Give it back, Jason! Jason, you ass!”

“What? Superdork not into elves?”

“Jason! Give me back my phone! Go torment your own boyfriend!”

Dick leaned his forehead against the chilled surface of the window. His cerulean eyes slid shut and his lips were drawn wide in a truly genuine grin. God, how he loved his family. Over the last year he’d come to apricate each of his family members even more than he had before.

Alfred had been nothing but encouraging over the past year. He barely ever insinuated that Jason’s leaving was Dick’s fault. More often than not, the old butler had gone out of his way to insure that his second ward had at least one gleeful moment every few days.

Bruce had stood by Dick, guided him and, at times, chided him when he found himself slipping into a state of depression after Jason had initially left. He’d been the one to tell Dick to pick himself up and the one to tell him that he had people to lean on.

Tim had at first been on Dick’s side after he’d lost Jason, but once he’d learned the truth behind Jason’s disappearance he became quick to remind Dick that his misery was of his own doing. Though to an outsider that might seem cruel, there were times that Dick had needed that. Just as there were times he’d needed the little moments of peace he’d get when Tim would offhandedly mention something to him about how Jason had been doing. He’d yearned for those moments. Lived for them, even.

Then there was Damian.  Frankly, the youngest Wayne had stayed out of Dick and Jason’s drama, for the most part. Yet there’d been times when Dick had felt particularly lousy and the little bat had curled up by his side. Of course, Damian would never admit that the times he’d decided to sketch with Dick as his backrest were for Grayson’s benefit, but Dick knew the truth.

Also, Dick couldn’t forget that without Tim and Damian he never would have gotten Jason back. It was their plot that’d forced the duo into a confrontation they’d been trying so hard to avoid. Without that moment in the escape room, Dick doubted that he and Jason would have found their way back to each other. They probably would have continued to ignore the other until the holidays were over and then go their separate ways.

Dick found himself frowning at that thought. A Christmas without Jason’s kisses and laughter wasn’t one he wanted to be a part of. He was sure that if it had come down to them avoiding each other over Christmas he would have locked himself in his room just to make sure that Jason had a good holiday. And Jason probably would have done the same. Which would have led to Bruce dragging them out of their rooms and forcing them to try and act civilized around the other and then…then…Dick didn’t even want to think about how easily tempers would have flared after that, or how easily Jason could have just up and left again, or how easily Dick could have found himself storming out of the manor to avoid saying something he’d regret.

“Where are you?”

Dick jumped at the hot breath that ghosted over his ear. He hadn’t been aware that anyone had entered the room. Bruce would’ve scolded him for his lack of observation if he’d been there.

Two strong arms wrapped themselves around the oldest bird’s waist and drew him back against a firm chest. He could feel a weight being rested atop his head and knew that Jason had just successfully tucked him under his chin. He hummed as he leaned into the warmth of his Little Wing.

“In here. Sorry, I had to take a call.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Jason’s smirk could be heard in his voice. “You looked lost in thought. What were you thinking about?”

“Stuff,” Dick’s response was vague enough to rouse suspicion within Jason but not dull enough to make him worry.

“What kind of stuff?”

Dick tried to shrug but it was awkward in Jason’s embrace and he ended up doing a gesture that was more him rubbing his back against Jason’s chest than an actual shrug. “Just this past year. I do need to tell you something, though.”

“Hmm?”

A kiss was dropped to Dick’s hair and he was almost tempted to not utter his next words, but he knew he had to be honest with Jason. He couldn’t risk losing him again over something as silly as a hidden phone call.

“It was Rose that called,” Dick flinched as he felt the form behind him stiffen and begin to slowly pull away.

“Really?” Jason’s voice was not at all pleased and carried a snarl to it as he completely removed himself from Dick.

The shorter male took a breath to steady himself before shifting to face his boyfriend. He made sure to lock his blue gaze on Jason’s teal one before saying, “She was letting me know that she’d found a safe place to stay and she’d wanted to wish us a merry Christmas.”

“Us?” Jason scoffed. “You, more likely.”

“No,” Dick reached out to place a hand on Jason’s cheek. He was pleasantly surprised when the other man didn’t draw away from him again and instead leaned into his touch. “No, Jason. She knew how horrible I felt after you left. She was glad to hear that we’re together.”

“You told her?” the surprise in Jason’s eyes hurt Dick. Though he figured he deserved it for breaking Jason’s trust once already with Rose.

“Of course, I told her,” the smile Dick offered was a soft one of reassurance. “I’d tell everyone that we’re together, if that’s what you wanted. I’d call up every one of my ex-lovers and shout from the top of Wayne tower that I’m taken by you. I’d tell the world that I’m yours and that I’m not going to be foolish enough to throw the second chance you’re giving me away.”

“There you go again, acting like this whole year was just your fault. Stop hogging all the blame, Dickie. Didn’t the old man ever teach you to share?” the teasing tone of Jason’s voice caused Dick to unconsciously relax his shoulders.

“I’d say it _was_ all my fault, but then you’d continue to disagree with me and we’d waste the night playing keep-away with our blame. I don’t know about you, but there are other ways I’d like to spend this night.”

“Me too, Dickie bird.”

Dick was pleased when Jason’s arms once again slipped around him.

“I was enjoying torturing Tim before I came to find you,” Jason stated. “He was wearing an elf hat and I threatened to send a pick to the Kent Kid. I’m thinking we should sneak into his room when he’s asleep tonight, put him in the original Robin pixie shoes and then send a picture to the alien clone.”

“No,” Dick shook his head. “That’s too cruel.”

“Really? Because I can’t think of any better way to spend tonight.”

Dick was about to protest, saying that if that was the case then Jason could sleep in his own room that night, but he caught the younger man’s joking smirk before he could.

“I’m kidding,” Jason chuckled. “You should have seen your face though. It was great.”

                Dick rolled his eyes as the clock on the fireplace mantel begin to chime the late hour.

                “You hear that?” Jason’s eyes slid past Dick and to the clock. “It’s already eleven. Only an hour left of Christmas and then only six days left in the year…and it’s been one hell of a year. Can’t say I won’t be glad to put it behind us. Did you have a good Christmas, though?”

                “Of course, I did. I got to spend it with you.”

                Jason snorted, “You sap.”

                Dick nuzzled into Jason’s chest, so much so that the taller man almost didn’t hear the words he spoke next. “Did  _you_ have a good Christmas, Jay?”

                “What kind of question is that?” Jason teased and tightened his arms around his boyfriend. He felt Dick hug him back as he said, “This one was for the books. Best I’ve had.”

                Jason didn’t have to see Dick’s smile to know it was pressed against his chest, for behind him the blue bird’s hands tightened the grip they had on his sweater.

                “Good. I hope that’s a sign that you’ll have a decent New Year too…wherever you are for it.”

                Jason didn’t miss the hesitance in Dick’s voice towards to end of his comment, but instead of commenting on it he hummed, “Hmmm. I thought I might stick around for another week. Ring in the New Year with you. I hear a kiss at midnight is supposed to bring you luck. Besides, I’m in no real rush to get back home. I took a few weeks off work before coming here since I figured I’d stop in and see Roy for a bit while in town.”

                “…But you will be going back to Star City?” Dick couldn’t bring himself to call the city home like Jason had, even though he’d accepted the fact that Jason might very well choose to not stay in Gotham after the holidays.

                There was a moment of silence, thick with tension, before Jason sighed. “I have to. I built a life there, Dick. One I actually, kind of liked. I’m not saying I won’t come back. I’m sure I’ll move back here eventually. Just not yet.”

                Jason pulled away from Dick, holding him at arm’s length while trying to catch his gaze with his own. “Is that okay? Will you be alright with that?”

                Dick forced himself to meet Jason’s gaze, just as he forced himself to nod with a smile. “I’ll be fine.  _We’ll_  be fine. Just because you aren’t living here, doesn’t mean we can’t see each other.”

                “Of course not. I’ll be coming to Gotham as regularly as I can and you’re always welcome at my place. It’s nothing lavish, but it’s…”

                “Anywhere you live is fine. I won’t be going for your apartment, anyway.”

                “I guess that’s true,” Jason pulled Dick back to him and gave him a tight hug.

                “I’m going to miss you,” Dick whispered. “A lot.”

                “I know, but let’s not think about that tonight. Okay? We’ve still got a week before I should head back. Let’s just enjoy this time we both have off.”

                Dick nodded into Jason’s chest and gave a shaky sigh.

                A light rapping, like knuckles on drywall, pulled Dick and Jason from their moment. Both men turned to see Alfred standing in the entryway, smiling fondly at them.

                “Master Richard, Master Jason, I was just on my way to bed. I thought I would bid you good night,” the skin around Alfred’s eyes crinkled.

                “Well, Good Night then, Al,” Jason beamed. “And thanks for cooking such a delicious feast.”

Alfred laugh, “Oh, it was my pleasure, my boy.”

“Are Bruce and the kids heading to bed too?” Dick inquired, having just realized that the manor around them had fallen silent. No noise drifted from the kitchen like it had earlier.

“Your father has retired for the night. So has Damian. Timothy, however, is in the kitchen if you wish to speak with him. He’s on the phone with the Kent boy, I believe.”

“We should go bug him,” Jason teased.

“You should do no such thing,” Alfred raised one silver brow. “You should leave him to his privacy. I am sure he is wishing to have the companionship of his boyfriend tonight, much like you two already have.”

“Ah, fine,” Jason stated. “We’ll leave the kid alone.”

“See that you do. Rest well, young masters.”

“You too, Al!” Dick called out after the retreating man.

Jason shook his head as Alfred walked away. “I’m not tired yet and if we can’t bug Tim than what can we do?”

Dick knew that Jason’s remark was meant to draw a comment from him and instead of ignoring it he decided to do just as Jason predicted. With a sly smile, the first boy wonder looked up at his boyfriend and said, “I can think of a few things.”

“Can you, now?” Jason teased.

Dick pried himself away from Jason, but not fully. He held one of Jason’s hands and intertwined their fingers before guiding him out of the room. Up the stairs they went and down the hall. They passed by Alfred’s door on the way, as well as Bruce’s, before they reached Dick’s room. Stopping at Dick’s room was a collective decision, although neither of them had asked the other which room they wanted to use. Jason’s own room was further down the hall and he agreed with Dick’s decision to not venture towards it. He’d rather save some steps and get to ravishing his boyfriend sooner.

Jason kicked the door to Dick’s bedroom shut behind him as Dick’s fingers slid away from his own. The older boy walked over to his bed and switched on the lamp sitting on his nightstand. The soft glow of the lamp might as well have been the flickering flame of a candle for it did little to chase away the shadows lurking within the room.  Still, it illuminated Dick’s face and Jason could clearly see the small smile that Dick gave before taking a seat on his bed and holding a hand out in invitation.

Jason willingly took a seat beside Dick and leaned down. He bumped their noses together a couple of times, knowing that Dick would apricate the gesture, before lightly brushing their lips across each other’s. It wasn’t really a kiss, but their mouths were much too close for it to be called anything else.

Dick made a low noise in the back of his throat as he pressed forward so their lips connected more firmly. However, even with the added pressure, the kiss remained chaste. They were slow, in an almost hesitant manner, as they moved their mouths together. Jason allowed them to share air, passing it back and forth between each other’s mouths, for a moment before leaning into Dick to further the kiss.

When Jason’s tongue swept across Dick’s bottom lip, he opened his mouth willingly and allowed the curious muscle into his cavern. Together their tongues danced and explored each other’s mouths. Dick fought back a soft moan at Jason’s taste. Smoke and spice lingered on his lips even after they had to break apart for air. Their break was short lived for Jason dove back in to plunder Dick’s mouth with his own after only a few seconds to breath.

This time Dick didn’t fight his moan and Jason smirked at its sound. A strong hand found its way to Dick’s knee and his breathing picked up as the hand began to slowly slide upward.

“Jay,” the name came out breathy as Dick dropped his head.

Jason smirked, his hand rubbing at the front of Dick’s jeans, where he could feel a bulge beginning to form.

“You should see your face, Dickie bird,” Jason chuckled. “You’re blushing like a virgin.”

Dick could feel the heat on his cheeks and mumbled a, “You make me feel things I haven’t felt in a long time.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“How long of a time?”

“Golly, Jason, I don’t think I’ve loved someone as much as you. It makes this whole experience so much more…more…there’s just something…I don’t know how to explain it.”

“You don’t have to.  I understand what you mean,” Jason leaned his forehead against Dick’s as he palmed at Dick’s semi-hard groin.

“Ah, Jay,” Dick bucked his hips into Jason’s hand and the younger man smirked.

“Feel good?”

“Y-yes.”

“Bet it’d feel better if you were out of those jeans,” Jason’s hands slipped beneath Dick. They grabbed Dick’s ass, drawing a squeak from the shorter male as he was lifted into Jason’s lap. “Fuck, how do you even fit into those jeans? They’re almost as fucking tight as your Nightwing suit. You have no idea how many times I’ve had to stop myself from staring at your ass today.”

“Yes, I do,” Dick grinned. “You think I can’t feel when your eyes are on me? I wore these so you  _would_  stare at me. After all, I’ve been told my ass is one of my best assets.”

“That’s certainly the truth.”

Dick giggled. His laughter bubbled up and created a laugh that Jason had never heard before. He liked it…that sound coming from his boyfriend. It was a sound of infatuation and happiness, and paired with the way Dick was looking at him through his long lashes, it was almost too much. Jason had to swallow as he found his throat going dry because of the look Dick was giving him.

With a quick lick of his lips, Dick had his hands on either side of Jason’s face as he rocked against the man beneath him. He could feel Jason’s erection forming, pressing up against his through their jeans, and inwardly smiled. He loved that he could draw such a reaction from the big, bad Red Hood. He loved that Jason could draw one from him. He loved that he and Jason got to call each other theirs.

“Fuck, when you talk like that I want to pin you down and take you now,” Jason groaned and that’s when Dick realized he’d said those last three sentences out loud. The blush he’d worn earlier was now back and brighter than before. Seeing it, Jason swept forward and captured Dick’s lips.

Jason scooted back on the bed before flipping them so that Dick lay beneath him on the mattress. A pleased sound got caught in his throat when Dick bent one of his knees and hooked it over Jason’s hip. In response, Dick felt a callused hand slip beneath the fabric of his sweater. He shivered as the hand glided over his flesh, tracing the outline of his abs before moving up to circle a nipple.

“Ah, Jay,” Dick breathed when the nipple Jason had been toying with was suddenly pinched and then rolled between thumb and finger. “Jay.”

“Mmm,” Jason buried his face in Dick’s neck, where he peppered kisses for a moment before nipping.

“Mmm hnnn,” Dick wasn’t sure what he liked more; the way Jason was teasing his nipple or the way he was alternating between nipping and licking at a sweet spot on his neck. “Hhng, Jason.”

Jason bit down harder, leaving a mark that was sure to darken. Much to the red bird’s delight, Dick arched into the bite and craned his neck so he exposed more of it to Jason.

“That’s right, pretty bird,” Jason cooed as Dick unconsciously started to grind up against him. Dick’s blue eyes were heavy and it took effort for him to focus them when Jason turned his face to look at him. “That’s right. You look so beautiful like this. Wanna leave more marks on you. Decorate your neck with my kisses so everyone who sees you will know that you’re taken.”

“So…uhhh…so possessive,” Dick teased.

“You like it and you know it.”

“No argument there, ah!” Dick moaned as one of Jason’s hands slipped beneath him and pushed his ass up so that their cloth covered erections were pressed tightly together.

“Got to get you out of those clothes,” Jason spoke directly in Dick’s ear.

“Yes,” Dick nodded speedily and sat up to help Jason remove his sweater.

As soon as the blue sweater had come off, Jason was toying with the button on Dick’s jeans. Dick’s hands were trying to rid Jason of his shirt and the red bird let out a small sound of displeasure as he had to stop playing with Dick to lift his shirt over his head. Before Dick could even try to get Jason’s pants off, Jason was popping the button on Dick’s jeans and tugging the dark black, skin tight denim from his body. Next, Dick found his boxers being quickly removed and he shivered as the slightly chilled air made contact with his skin.

Dick reached out, hoping to help Jason get rid of the rest of his clothes, but was stopped by a firm hand on the center of his chest.  Jason pushed him back so he was once again laying on the bed, with Jason hovering over him. The red bird didn’t say anything as he visibly let his eyes wander Dick’s form. The intensity of Jason’s gaze made Dick swallow and shift as he suddenly felt very exposed. They had seen each other naked before, in the showers of the batcave and when they had to help treat the other when they were wounded, but there was something so incredibly different about this time and it caused Dick to move to cover himself with his hands.

Jason caught Dick’s wrists before they could hide any part of his body from him. Settling his teal gaze on Dick’s he said, “Don’t hide yourself. You’re so beautiful.”

There was that damn blush again. What was it with Jason making heat flood to Dick’s face?

Jason kissed Dick firmly, his tongue sneaking in past the shorter male’s lips as one of his hands wander past the blue bird’s waist. Dick gave a surprised squeak as Jason’s hand wrapped around his shaft. The taller male chuckled against his lips and began trailing kisses down Dick’s torso.

Jason took his sweet time wandering down Dick’s chest. He paused to kiss several scars and to tease Dick’s nipples with his tongue. By the time his breath was ghosting over the flushed head of Dick’s erection, Dick was a whimpering mess. No one, not one of his past lovers, had ever managed to wreck Dick in such a way so early on in their bed. The knowledge that Jason had been able to was exciting to him.

Dick’s hands flew to Jason’s head as his cock was engulfed by a wet, warm heat. His fingers tangled in raven locks, his head tilted back, and his eyes rolled upward. He couldn’t stop the long groan that fell from his lips as Jason practically swallowed him whole in one go.

“F-fuck,” Dick’s voice was rough, breathy with arousal and deepened more when he felt Jason chuckle around him. “J-Jay.”

Jason licked up Dick’s arousal. He circled the head with his tongue before giving attention to the slit. He smiled as he felt Dick’s hands tighten in his hair and tasted precum. The noises Dick was making were turning him on. His own arousal was restricted within his jeans and he ached to free it, but there was something he had to do first.

Slowly, Jason slipped a hand up Dick’s chest and along his neck. When he reached the plump lips he’d been kissing earlier, he pressed two fingers firmly against them. There was little resistance at first and then none all together, as Dick willing opened his mouth for the two digits. Dick tongued at the fingers, sucking on them as if his and Jason’s roles were reversed and he received a shiver in response from Jason.

All too soon, Jason was pulling off Dick’s cock with a lewd pop. Bright teal eyes sparkled mischievously as pearly white teeth grinned dangerously. Jason sat up and Dick was about to protest having the warmth of the other man’s body taken from him until he saw Jason toying with the button of his jeans.

“God, you look beautiful,” Jason’s voice was husky and it sent an involuntary shiver down Dick’s spine. “Can’t wait to open you up and claim you as mine. Would you like that, baby?”

Dick whimpered in response and gave a noise of protest when Jason only popped the button of his jeans open before going back to torturing his lover so sweetly. One of Jason’s wet digits pressed against Dick’s tight ring of muscles, drawing a gasp from the older man. He prodded around Dick’s entrance, not penetrating, merely teasing, before slowly dipping his finger inside.

The sensation of something entering him wasn’t foreign, but it had been awhile since he’d felt it, and Dick shifted slightly at the odd feeling. He didn’t move much more, or make any sounds, while Jason slowly eased his first finger into him. When the finger began to move, he let out a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding.

“Are you uncomfortable?” Jason asked.

          “No,” Dick shook his head. “Just…more…”

          A second finger joined Jason’s first and Dick tensed as he felt his inner walls beginning to stretch.

           “Okay?” Jason inquired.

           Dick nodded but the shaky breath that he let out did nothing to assure Jason. So the younger man grasped his lover’s dick in one hand while scissoring his fingers within his lover’s tight walls. He rubbed along the walls, searching for the bundle of nerves that he knew would set Dick’s nerves on fire.

“Ahhh! Jason!” Dick practically screamed as a spike of white hot pleasure shit up his spine.

Jason chuckled, “Found it.”

          Jason didn’t go any further, he merely rubbed the Dick’s prostrate with his fingers until the shorter male unconsciously opened his legs wider and a husky moan slipped past his lips. He took that as his cue to add a third finger, which Dick grunted at.

“I don’t, ah, need anymore, ah, prep,” Dick groaned out between gasps. Jason was now nailing his prostrate with each sweep of his fingers.

“Really?” Jason teased, “Babe, you’re fucking tight around my fingers.”

“I’m fine. Just get in me,” Dick pleaded.

“So demanding,” Jason continued to taunt before he paused in his ministrations. He removed his fingers fully from Dick’s body and leaned over him, staring down into deep blue eyes. With a completely serious tone, unlike the one he’d been using up to this point, he asked, “Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.”

Even with Dick’s assurance Jason didn’t move to further their actions. Instead, he pulled away. His decision to do so had Dick frowning as he asked, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Jason assured, “but I need to know two things before we go any further.”

“What?”

“I need you to promise you’ll tell me if I hurt you…”

“I promise.”

“…and do you have any lube? Because, darlin’ spit ain’t going to cut it for this.”

Dick smiled and pulled Jason down for a kiss before saying, “Nightstand drawer.”

Jason leaned over Dick and reached into the nightstand drawer. He pulled out a bottle of lube and raised his brow at how much of it was already used before also pulling out a small silver packet he found with it. Before he had even sat back up, Dick’s hands were on the waistline of his jeans. He felt the zipper being drawn down and then the blue-eyed boy was tugging down his pants.

Jason rolled his eyes as he moved to help Dick remove his jeans and boxers. “Eager?”

Dick hesitated at that. “Too eager?”

“No, just right,” Jason kissed him deeply and tenderly. “I very much like that you’re eager.”

Dick laid back grinned up at his boyfriend. “Why wouldn’t I be eager? I’ve been in love with you for over a year and I’m finally getting the chance to show you.”

“You don’t have to show me this way,” Jason stated. “I already know you love me.”

“I know, I just…I’ll never be able to do enough to express how much I actually love you.”

Teal eyes stared down at blue as Jason swallowed thickly. Since returning to Gotham Dick had told him numerous times that he loved him, but Jason had yet to return the sentiment. He wanted to tell Dick that he loved him so badly, he could even feel the words jammed in his throat, but he couldn’t get them past his tongue. So, he settled on dropping a sweet kiss to Dick’s forehead and saying, “Never think that you need to do anything to prove your love to me, Dickie.”

Dick was reaching for the lube, but Jason took it from him. When Jason went to reach for the condom packet, Dick swiped it from him.

“We don’t need that.”

“Didn’t B ever tell you to practice safe sex?”

“Jason, both of us have our blood tested regularly. B would have caught if we had any form of STD, besides, it’s not like I can get pregnant.”

“True,” Jason conceded.

          The red bird filled his palm with a generous amount of the slick substance before slathering it over his cock. Dick watched in fascination as Jason spread the lube over himself. Jason’s cock wasn’t overly huge but it was big enough that Dick knew that the extra lube would be of great aid. Especially since he’d refused to let Jason prepare him more.

Dick held perfectly still as he felt Jason line himself up with his hole. The head of Jason’s cock rested against Dick’s entrance as they once again locked eyes. Jason remained still and waiting until Dick gave his nod of consent. Only then did he push forward.

Dick gasped as Jason breached him and Jason paused for a moment before slowly continuing forward. The further he pushed inside of Dick, the further Dick’s head tilted back.

“Fuck,” Jason groaned once he was fully seated inside Dick.

Dick was breathing steadily. So steadily that Jason recognized that he was doing one of the breathing techniques that Bruce had taught them.

“Are you okay?” Jason forced his voice to remain steady.

“Y-yeah,” Dick’s voice was shaky, but not ingenuine. “I’m okay. It’s just been awhile. Give me a second.”

Jason grunted and planted his hands on either side of Dick’s head. He leaned forward and captured the bluebird’s lips in a kiss, which he held until Dick was shifting beneath him.

“Uuh, Jay,” Dick moaned. “Move…please…”

Jason didn’t need to be told twice as he slowly pulled out so only the head of his cook was left inside his boyfriend before sliding back in just as slowly.

“Fuck, baby, fuck,” Jason’s voice came out breathy and hot as it ghosted over Dick’s face. “You’re so tight. So hot. So good.”

Dick moaned again and bent his knees so Jason had more space to lay between them.

“God, baby,” Jason kept talking as he continued to slowly thrust into his boyfriend because even though he was finding it hard to tell Dick that he loved him he could sure as hell make love to him. “So good.”

“J-Jay,” Dick whined and hitched a leg over Jason’s hip. His acrobatic skills showing as his back arched to an almost painful degree when Jason hit that special spot inside of him. “More. Please, baby, more.”

Jason peppered Dick’s face with kisses as he hitched Dick’s other leg around his hip as well. He was going to take this slow but he could still give Dick more without brutally fucking him into the mattress. His hands slipped beneath his lover and supported his lower back as he pushed it upward. Jason, himself, shifted so he was sitting up on his knees, and Dick practically cooed over how deep Jason was getting into him at this new angel.

“J-Jay. Oh god, Jason. Ah…Ah…so good…you make me feel so good,” Dick chanted.

“Fucking hell, babe,” Jason groaned.

“Uuh, ah…ah…ah! Ah!”

Jason sped up just slightly and picked Dick up so he was practically sitting in Jason’s lap but with his legs still locked around his back. Dick’s raven strands flew out behind him from the force in which he jerked his head back. His mouth was open in a load moan as he rode his lover. He could feel every inch of Jason as the taller male sunk into him. Each thrust was hitting him directly in his prostrate. He felt so good…being connected to Jason like that felt so good…so good that he knew that he wasn’t going to last long.

“I’m so close,” Dick dropped his head to Jason’s shoulder. He nibbled on Jason’s color bone and kissed his way up Jason’s neck. When he reached Jason’s pulse point he nipped at it and received a low growl from his boyfriend.

“Hold out just a little longer, pretty bird,” Jason requested.

Dick whimpered as he strove to fight off his approaching orgasm.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck,” Jason chanted like a filthy prayer as he pushed his hips up harder into Dick’s. “So fucking good, baby. You feel so fucking good.”

Dick couldn’t find words anymore. He was reduced to a puddle of noises and breathy sounds as he precum steadily leaked out of his cock, spreading across Jason’s well defined abs as he continued to take what Jason gave him. His hands came to rest at the very top tips of one of Jason’s most prominent scars. He traced the Y shaped mark down to where their bodies connected and smiled into Jason’s neck when it drew a shiver from the younger man.

“Jason, please,” Dick pleaded. “I’m so close. Please.”

“You want to cum, pretty bird?”

“Y-yes.”

“I want you to cum. I want you to cum all over my cock.”

“God, yes!”

“You like that idea? You want that?”

“Y-yes. Please, yes. Jason. Please. Ah! Ah!”

“That’s it, Richard. Cum for me.”

And as if Jason’s words were the trigger to the bomb that was Dick’s desire, his body seized up. Muscles clamped around Jason as stream after stream of his release painted Jason’s abs.

“Jason!”

“Mother fucking hell… “Jason’s voice caught as Dick’s walls clenched around him and pulled his own orgasm from him.

           Dick groaned as he felt his insides grow warm. He rested his forehead on Jason’s chest, his arms draped around Jason’s shoulder. He felt so full and sated in a way he’d never felt with any of his lovers before. To him that was further proof that he and Jason were meant to be together.

             As they came down from their high together, Jason slid one hand into Dick’s hair and one on his lower back.  Ever so carefully, and without dislodging him from his lover, he lowered Dick back to the bed. When Dick was once again laying on the mattress, Jason pulled out and rolled over so he was lying beside Dick instead of on top of him.

             Both lovers were silence in the mostly dark room. Jason watched as Dick closed his eyes and the bedside lamp cast shadows over his face. He was so beautiful, so full of love, and he was so Jason’s. All Jason’s.

             Dick smiled, his eyes fluttered open. “That’s right, Jay. I’m yours.”

             Jason blinked, had he said that last part out loud?

             “And you’re mine. Right?”

             “Of course, Dick,” Jason reached out to brush his knuckles against the soft skin of Dick’s face and in that moment Jason was finally able to voice the words he’d wanted to for so long. “I love you.”

             The smile that took over Dick’s face was as brilliant as the night stars. He reached between them and intertwined their fingers, leaning in to give Jason one more tender kiss. “I love you too.”


End file.
